Shirtless ethnic temptation wolf Taylor Lautner’s IMDB page is about to get even sh-ttier if the LA Times is to be believed. They say he’s “in talks” to play Max Steel, a concept which sounds like an energy drink went double pits to chesty with a Superman comic and gave birth to Vin Diesel.
“Steel” [Thanks for shortening the title, broseph! *air guitar*] traces back to the toy shelf — the Mattel line that hit stores in 2001, pulled in $100 million in worldwide business in its first year and spawned an animated series that lasted three seasons.
Lautner would play Josh McGrath, a 19-year-old extreme-sports athlete who is accidentally exposed to the unleashed power of nanotechological [sic] machines, which become part of him and give him increased strength, near-invulnerability and the ability to change his appearance.
No word on whether this would mean he wouldn’t be back for the next Twilight movie. But if they need a new Jacob, I could totally do it. I’d be good at playing a werewolf because growing up with my stepdad, I was always dodging Silver Bullets.
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If they can get the Clarabellas to go to this, they will make fucking millions!
What’s a “Clarabella” you ask? Why a bovine-esque Twihard that gets her Hanes Her Way all moist and fermenty thinking about Edward and/or Jacob! MOOOOOOOOOOO!
I don’t want to alarm anybody here, but I’m starting to worry that Taylor Lautner may be retarded.
*flexes muscles for the ladies, propellers dick for the guys*
Damn you, Donk! Let me have my moment!
I bet Max Steel and the Red Mist would totally get married…
I’d also be good at playing a werewolf because of the copious amounts of body hair I possess.
a 19-year-old extreme-sports athlete who is accidentally exposed to the unleashed power of nanotechological [sic] machines
The condom on the Sybian broke.
Thanks, Donk. I was wondering what nanotechological meant.
In the future, the game “Six Degrees of Taylor Lautner” will be used as a starting point for eugenics squads.
Max Steel and Max Payne like to hang out at the Maxi Pad.
Everytime I put on a skimask, I turn into Mex Steal.
XXX + T1000/Taylor Lautner = Brain food for simpletons
MATH DURST!!
Red Mist and Max Steel are my favorite
energy drink flavorsAxe Body SpraysChinese-manufactured action figuresmovie heroes ever!Finally, Pube up!
To get into character, I bet Taylor Lautner eats a bottle of sequins. A day later, he thinks he gave birth to a vampire.
Extreme like the time I took my mountain bike to the bmx track when I was on acid, or extreme like the time I saw that rollerblader do the splits on accident and then cry because his mom just bought him those lugz?
Furby movie or GTFO.
So this movie is about some kids tying firecrackers to Max and blowing the shit out of him then dousing him with gas and burning him into a puddle of plastic at the siide of the house?
To get into character, I bet Taylor Lautner sodomizes his dog.
He should use that ability to change his appearance to weasel out of a twilight appearance so he can instead set it ablaze. It would also qualify as extreme.
Taylor Lautner can change his appearance to look like either David Boreanaz or Nich Lachey.
Nich Lachey fucked your mother. Nick Lachey is the guy I was talking about.
I was on some other site just now where the first comment was “FIRST!!!” and the second comment was “First nonfaggot.” I have to admit I laughed.
How the fuck does a Mexican end up with the first name of Taylor? Shouldn’t it be Alvaro or Fidel or Carlos? For that matter, how the fuck does any male end up with the first name of a girl?
How the fuck did this white girl *points to self* end up with a Chinese last name?
Taylor works as his name if you pronounce it like “Senor.”
BTW-fuck the ~, USA USA USA!
It’s a stage name, JHC. Take Ramón Estévez for example. You’d only hire a Ramón Estévez to do your yard. But he changed his name Martin Sheen and is now accepted by the whites as an actor.
Third Vince’s second “first nonfaggot” comment. That was out of ctrl.
I loved you in Wall Street!
*thumbs up*
FYI Tom Cruise is a stage name. Only Lord Xenu knows his real name.
Moreno is a Chinese last name?
Um, I hate to break it to you Pauly, but Martin Sheen is white. He doesn’t roll his rs. Emilio was adopted from his Guatemalan maid.
I hate to break it to all of you, but Emilio was only adopted because Charlie asked santa claus for someone to share a room with while he played with himself.
Martin Sheen? You mean Ramon Estevez? It is a little known fact he is a Mexican spy determined to inseminate the minds of America with his filthy Mexiganda.