Pretty much every publisher of young-adult books is looking for the next Twilight these days. Fine. But it’s a testament to how dumb we’ve all gotten just how blatant the ripoffs are.
Disney has optioned rights to “Fallen,” a young-adult novel by Lauren Kate that features angels. The book, released this week by Delacorte Books for Young Readers, is part of a four-tome series, all of which were included in the deal. The contemporary story centers on an alienated girl torn between two charismatic young men, unaware that they are fallen angels who have battled over her for centuries.
“Twilight” comparisons are inevitable, and angels have been identified as the next trend in young-adult fiction with vampire and werewolf tales having inundated the market. “Fallen” and titles like Becca Fitzpatrick’s “Hush, Hush,” which was moved from a 2010 publication date to this past October, present angels as otherworldly hotties who are immortal and possess bad-boy charm. “Fallen” is the first cherubic title to receive major Hollywood attention. [THR]
If vampires are abstinent and virtuous and sparkling white now, it only follows that angels have to be the bad boys. In Twilight, they can’t do it because the vampire will hurt her. It’d really balance things out if in another popular book the angel is constantly pressuring his girlfriend into sex and that’s the only way they connect. C’mon, babe, you’d do it if you really loved me. Don’t you want to feel like a woman? I talked to God last week and he says you’re being a total prude about this.



Producer 1: “We need to find a new type of character that’s not a vampire, but that has all their mystique.”
Producer 2: “Yeah, remember how popular that Joss Whedon character ‘Angel’ was? He had it all.”
Producer 1: “What did you just say?”
Producer 2: “Angel had it all.”
Producer 1: “Holy Fuck – are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Producer 2: “I hope so – I’ve wanted to suck your dick for MONTHS now…”
Producer 1: “No, fag – ANGELS! MOTHER FUCKING ANGELS!”
A whole series about foursomes? Awesome. Hmmm? Tome? Who the fuck says “Tome” anymore? Well la ti da, mi lady. Thou wishist to procure knowledge from thine tome?
Take them to the Iron Maiden.
*air guitar*
Why don’t they just workshop Touched by an Angel? Don’t even have to change the title.
Christopher Walken as Gabriel or GTFO!
Teenage girls, man. The magically youthful-looking creatures who obsessively stalk them keep getting older, they stay the saaaame age.
Ron Pearlman is helping his daughter pen a romance novel about teenage cavemen.
I heard bad boy angels are impotent.
They’re fallen, and they can’t get up.
*heads to corner, starts bending coat-hanger to form a halo*
Tyler Perry’s daughter is working on a romance novel about a teenage Madea in ancient Greece, as a gorgon turning men into stone… ah, you guys are smart, you fill in the rest.
*licks chops*
Oh man. I’m going to buy a nice mansion on the beach with the money I make from Frankenbrooder. And whores. Lots and lots of whores.
“Fallen” is the first cherubic title to receive major Hollywood attention.
This ice cream scoop is still good…JUST CLEAN THE MIGHTY ONE’S EYEBALLS OUT OF IT!!!
SPOILER ALERT: Turns out the Angels were kicked out of Heaven for fixing baseball games in the mid-90s.
This is dumb. If I remember Dogma correctly, angels don’t have dicks. Why would they care?
*dodges inevitable anti- Kevin Smith tomato*
Nic Cage jumps off a building or GTFO!
Disney also optioned JFK. Not the movie, the actual president. They decided not to go forward with him. Watch your back, Kate.
This story is completely unrealistic. Everybody knows tampons don’t have wings.
These stories just hit the cliche points of womenfolk’s fantasies… well I’m working on one for guys. It is about 3 alien women whose planet has no more men. They come to Earth to find a young man (Richard E. Normus) to help propagate their species.
It is basically 3 pages of introduction and 166 pages of cosplay alien porn.
theend81-Cast that chick with three tits and I will finance this.
Oh, what is He supposed to do for the other 164 pages?
Fek, that’s when you order Chinese take out and answer the door naked with your dick tucked. *
* Renee Zelwegger loves the Moo Goo Gai Pan.
My stepfather must have been an angel. He was always watching over me while I slept.
It is written in the ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ style…
Oh Fek, I didn’t want to ruin the surprise… but for you guys why not?
Her and the green chick from the new StarTrek movie fight for Richard’s manonaise in the 3rd installment which will be entitled “A.M. Lumber”
Her and the green chick from the new StarTrek movie fight for Richard’s manonaise in the 3rd installment which will be entitled “A.M. Lumber”
*finishes*
You had Him at “Choose your Own Adventure”…
It’s hard enough for us men nowadays, and now women are apparently lusting after these supernatural-types.
I had to pretend I was a ghost last week just to get this girl to give me a Carly Marino.
Naw, baby it’s just ectoplasm.
So all this time, those two strangly attractive guys who kept saying they wanted to fuck me were actually angels? Now don’t I feel like a horses patoot.