
Hey, remember Rachel True from The Craft? Just kidding, trick question, there’s no such movie. But Rachel True (the one on the left) is apparently famous enough to have a stalker, and a pretty creative one at that.
True was just granted a temporary restraining order against a woman who claimed she wanted to “f**k [Rachel] with a cobra.”
Rachel got a restraining order on November 30 — three days after Elenora Redmon was arrested outside Rachel’s house with a “large [sex toy] on her person.” Elenora claims she showed up because Rachel had called her over “psychically.”
According to the TRO request, Elenora has been stalking Rachel for a year and a half, showing up at her house and sending her creepy emails like “Why did you shut your curtains?” — many of which were sexually explicit. [TMZ]
C’mon TMZ. Is this Redmon chick black? White? Korean? Voluptuous? Flexible? Did it seem like she had strong hands? These are the details that would really make this story pop, you know? According to my sources, at the hearing, judge Lance Ito told True, “Wassa your probrem wiff snake, pretty rady? Maybe next time no knock unress try. I make restlaining order tirr you roosen up a reedo bit.”




Did she try to give Mary Jane a pearl necklace?
If I were going to fuck a chick with a Cobra, I think I’d take Destro.
This explains my pet shop spike in Mongoose sales.
Isn’t she supposed to have her hands over her mouth in that picture?
*removes pointy hat, folds robe*
She’s got this. They didn’t call her Rikki Tikki Truvi on the Varsity shot put team for nothing.
Sounds to me like this chick misunderstood the lyrics to ‘Closer’.
Banner Pic: Groundbreaking ceremony for the new Popeye’s gets underway.
See you at Lodge next Friday, Grand Burnsy.
Elenira is really a doctor and just wanted to give Rachel that hissterectomy that she needs.
Nike was so mad when they heard that Tiger Woods would say the same thing to chicks
I wanna buy you a corndogI wanna fuck you with a cobra.FIXED!!
*Puts on tuxedo shirt and heads to the all night 18 and over club*
Elenora’s lawyer is spinning this as a positive for Rachel – he says she should be happy, normally she’d have to pay big bucks to get her drain snaked.
Elenora Redmon, also known as “Private Eight Ball” amongst friends, was quoted as saying “What we have here, little sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake. But it ain’t too goddamned beau coup.”
I yelled “WHY DID YOU SHUT YOUR CURTAINS?!?” when the stripper at my table crossed her legs.
That banner pic is totally bogus. There’s not even one security guard following them around.
Sir Mix A Lot tried to get in on the stalking action, but his anaconda didn’t want none.
That chick on the left has the most ridiculous earmuffs I’ve ever seen.
Rachel won’t fuck a cobra, but she will go asp to mouth.
I thought COBRA was set up to prevent you from getting fucked?
Reached for comment, Trent Reznor said “You’re doing it wron- alright, that’s pretty close actually” then went back to painting his eyelids.
If it’s a crime to want to penetrate a woman with a spitting snake, then lock me up.
There was a courtier with the sexual powers of a wild animal outside of my house last night. We communicated psychically.
MLIT
When reached comment, Jake “The Snake” Roberts stated: “This Elenora has potential.”
Elenora’s snake has the words “You’re all the Mary Jane I need” tattooed on its scales.
Rachel is pretty rattled by Elenora’s behavior.
Elenora is a big Monty Python fan.
Horatio Caine: So what do we got here?
Medical Examiner: The victim was violated by a Cobra snake.
Horation Caine: Now thats what I call *puts on sunglasses* a hiss-terectomy.
YEAAHHHHHHHHHH!