FredFigglehorn-Times-Lucas-Cruickshank(Does every child actor have to have fruity Zac Efron hair these days?)

Greetings, fellow adults.  So, there’s this guy on YouTube.  His name’s Lucas Cruikshank, but he goes by Fred.  He makes all these videos where he talks in a really high voice, some of which have gotten up to 10 million views.  Here’s one of them.  I defy you to watch it for more than 10 seconds without wanting to go Fort Hood on everyone.  Anyway, you can probably imagine where this is going; he has a movie deal.  So if you have kids, you should probably just go ahead and murder them now.

Mr. Robbins and the Collective are financing the project with a budget in the low seven figures. Distribution plans are still unclear, but Jeremy Zimmer, a United Talent founding partner, said the agency would pursue a theatrical release or possibly a pay-per-view option.

Taking a break from filming, Mr. Cruikshank said he did not model the character on anyone in particular and doesn’t give a whole lot of thought to the process. He said it took him and his siblings about 30 minutes to make one of the two-minute videos, which he watches once and forgets. [NYTimes]

His process sounds similar to the way I imagine Jerry Bruckheimer’s.  Hey, you ever get the feeling you missed out on a golden opportunity not becoming a children’s entertainer?  It’s easy, low-stress, lucrative, and requires only that you lack the capacity to annoy yourself. I’m giving this kid five years before he’s in jail, rehab, has a sex change, or a sex tape. Bet on it.

My sincere apologies for making you all aware of this.