(Why the long face?)
Get it, you guys? The caption was a reference to Sarah Jessica Parker looking like a horse. Haha, good one, Jay. Anyway, this is the first picture of SJP in Sex and the City 2. Clearly she’s looking off screen, licking her lips at the shirtless, 23-year-old Dominican landscaper who’s going to help her get her groove back, as soon as he finishes trimming her bushes. Trimming her bush — it’s symbolically suggestive, you see. And then Samantha comes in and she’s all, “Sweetie, you’ve really gotta do something about that old, dirty clam of yours,” and everyone laughs and starts dilling each other. Chicks are weird.
[via HitFix. Yeah, I don't know why I put that gif in there either. I have a hangover.]
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No “Crap” tag?
Carrie Bradshaw makes Terry Bradshaw look smarter than a Bradshaw Kirchofer armoire.
No “People Who Should Be Burned For Fuel” tag either. Maybe in her case it should be “People Who Should Be Rendered Into Glue”.
Of course, of course!
Samantha: Sweetie, you’ve really gotta do something about that old, dirty clam of yours
SJP: You’re right. Here, stand behind me.
*SJP kicks Samantha down elevator shaft, eats carrot*
SJP’s career is “always on a steady course.”
It’s funny. If you look up SJP’s IMDB page all of the entries are Equus.
Considering the first real “motion Picture” was a series of pictures that legend has it were taken in order to prove that, at one point in its stride, a trotter has all four hooves off the ground at once, I would like to consider this production still to be symbolic of the movie industry having come full circle
I’m surprised she still gets work after what she did to Christoper Reeve.
I live in New York and work in luxury fashion retail. And, holy crap, I despise this show and all references to it.
Alternate title: Mr Big, the Horse Whisperer
Did you see her in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade last week?
She shat right on the street, in front of everybody!
Hey, SJP! Terry Funk called, he wants his legs back!
On a serious note, I wish they would stop trying to cast her as a romantic heroine. I hate seeing her act all cutesy. Ick.
All the kids on my block play S.A.R.A.H.J.E.S.S.I.C.A.P.A.R.K.E.R.
Games take forever.
She’s going to be pretty hungry later. You can’t fit very many oats in that little fucking feed bag she’s toting.
Remember that one time when Kramer fed SJP all that Beef-A-Reeno? HAHA!!
I don’t think it’s a Dominican landscaper SJP’s looking at but a Black Stallion.
How ironic that SJP movies give me the trots.
The old dirty clam is Cynthia Nixon’s girlfriend, and she is very offended.
Dream On was hands down the best “series” HBO ever had on their channel. EVAR!
Actually, it was hands going back and forth in rapid succession the best series…
I have one of SJP’s Manolo Blahnik’s hanging over my door for good luck.
Old Dirty Clam is what ODB calls his old lady.
On a serious note, I wish
theyshe wouldstop trying to cast her as a romanticstart taking heroine. I hate seeing her actall cutesy. Ick.FIXED!
That Dominican is gonna need a trenching shovel to help her get her groove back, that thing caked up solid with discharge matter years ago.
Spoiler Alert: SJP drinks one too many cosmos, falls down, breaks her leg and dies.
For SJP, a roll in the hay also means dinner.
SJP’s favorite band? The Sugarcubes.
Gary Busey challenged SJP to a race at Churchill Downs.
SJP swallows, just try to sow your oats around her and she gobbles that shit up.
Churchill Downs the racetrack, not the retarded child of a former British Prime Minister.
SJP doesn’t need a plastic surgeon to get rid of those saddle bags, she just needs you to loosen the strap.
In Sex And The City 2, SJP performs a musical number called Singing in the Rein.
Whenever SJP votes, it’s always a Gallup pole.
Before SJP got married she had a bridle shower.
Spoiler Alert: SJP’s girlfriends are forced to kill her when a big paper mache project comes along.
SJP calls her clit her “lil’ saddle horn.”
The only direction SJP takes is from a carrot dangling from a stick.
When Big takes SJP out to dinner, she always orders the Belmont Stake.
Big’s real name is Clyde S. Dale.
SJP wants to get marey’d.
Nobody asks SJP to vote anymore. It’s always been a Neigh, so they don’t bother.
That and women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Sex and the City 2: Even Citier
All of SJP’s meds are horse pills.
SJP doesn’t take the train, horse flies.
SJP doesn’t donate her hair to cancer patients. She sells it to Yo-Yo Ma.
SJP is a total tight wad, she hates to pony up for her share of the bill.
SJP’s favorite car?
SJP has a hard time manetaining her hair.
Ford Pinto?
SJP thinks burros are only good for yard work.
Women are envious of SJP because it’s so easy for her to get rid her saddlebags.
SJP hails caballeros.
Yes Mighty One. I was figuring on someone saying Mustang, then dropping the Pinto on them with a resounding BONG!!!, but you had to go and fuck that up for me.
Ouch!
J, I always thought SJP liked those long trailers with the open backs.
You can lead SJP to water, but you can’t make her drink. Because she’s a stuck up hag who’ll only drink slightly chilled Perrier.
SJP had a sore throat, but she only got a quater horse.
SJP’s favorite character on The Wonder Years was Winnie.
BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SJP came from a stable home.
*whistle*
Personal foul, defense number 42, SJP tackle. Fifteen yard penalty, first down.
SJP’s favorite character from Saved By The Bell was Mr. Gelding.
Wild SJP couldn’t drag Mick Jagger away.
SJP starts off all meals with horse d’oeuvres.
Fuck you bitch, you let Nathan Lang turn Ferris gay.
SJP’s favorite course of a meal?
Horse D’oevres.
Mew up!
Fuck Chino, I was looking up the proper spelling.
I’ll get off your clit now.
Great minds, Jack! Great minds…
*SJP neighs, then sticks her head out of a stable door*
SJP: Hello, im Mrs. Parker.
A horse is a horse, of course of course,
and no one can talk to a horse of course,
that is of course, unless the horse,
Is the famous Mrs. Parker!