JohnWatersMugshot(via ThatisSoGay)

Welcome back, FilmDrunkards.  The cool thing about a three-day work week is, not only is the weekend longer, there are less Comments to sift through for this here Comments of the Week post.  Luckily you guys made those three days count, in between clothing orphans and decorating Christmas trees for the armless, I’m sure.  As always, NOMINATE FOR NEXT WEEK’S CotW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. Bookmark this mothereffer to make it easy on yourself.  And now, your winner:

[From the trailer for The Karate Kid with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan] Chino Moreno says: He whistled for a rickshaw and when it came near, the license plate said ‘flesh’ and the driver did all his math homework for him.

It’s not racist to love faux-Asian pidgin speak is it?  Aw crap.  Honorable mention/runners up:

[From Songs for Gay Dogs]
Pauly Dangerously says: Who let the dogs out of the closet?

Pauly Dangerously says: A gay dog favorite is Elton John’s “Red Rocket Man”.

[From trailer for Valentine's Day]
The Luchador says: You forgot about the part where a bunch of guys come in dressed as cops and kill everyone with tommy guns.

I have to admit, I found that a lot funnier before I realized it was a reference to the Valentine’s Day massacre.  That would’ve been a doozy of a non-sequitir.

[From J-Lo is trying to keep semen from dripping out of her vagina]
Pauly Dangerously: I wish she kept the sperm in her mouth through the duration of the movie.

And finally, excerpts from the Sarah Jessica Parker Got Kicked By a Cow Open Thread:

Jacktion! says: Right before the kick, the cow asked, “Have you ever seen a horsefly?”

GlennBeckHasAIDS “Wrong stable, dumbass” said the cow.

Pauly Dangerously says: Beforehand, the cow screamed “Mooooove over, bitch!”.

Stone Soup says:
“What do you think – open and shut case of on-set accident?”
“Hold on, Frank – I’m thinking.”
“Thinking of what?”
“The perfect line to say before I put these sunglasses – OOH – I GOT IT: Your moooooooove, horse.”
EEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacktion! says: That cow should be a judge on America’s Got Talent.

Pauly Dangerously: That’s naggravated assault.

Jacktion!: The Variety headline said “Horseface Sheepish After Cattle Call!”

Donkey Hodey: Well, that cow can just forget about her role in SJP’s broadway musical directorial debut ‘La Cage aux Foals’.

Thanks, guys.  That thread really showed us the meaning of FilmDrinking.