Morning, Drunkards. It’s comments of the week time and this post takes forever, so let’s get to it. As always, nominate for next week by pasting in the comments section of this post. Maybe you’ll get a prize, maybe you’ll get in a car accident. What am I, a wizard?
Lots of funny stuff this week, but I gave Stinky Peet the top spot for brevity and directness. From the The Bounty Hunter trailer:
Stinky Peet says: Given a choice between watching this film and letting a crazed chimpanzee eat my eyeballs, I’d say pass the banana cologne.
I call my ejaculations banana cologne. Anyhoo, here are your honorable mentions/runners up. The Mighty Fek’lhr really encapsulates the spirit of FilmDrunk in the Craigslist Missed Connection Rom-Com (I Saw You):
The Mighty Fek’lhr says: I saw you from my perch in the alley, even though my clown wig obscured the binoculars from time to time, I still was touched by your getting into your flannel pajamas and watching Ally McBeal reruns for three hours…so touched, I killed a squirrel and used it as a fifi then fed it to them kids in my van.
Then Fek invented a word, based on Disney Chief Rich Ross killing ‘Wedding Banned’.:
The Mighty Fek’lhr says: So, can we call sh*tty Hollywood projects that get sh*tcanned, “Rich-rossed”?
From Nic Cage Shot a Little Girl:
ChinoMoreno says: I shot a little girl. Out of my vagina!!!
I was really turned on until I realized she just meant she had a child and not the plot of a video I saw once. From Precious Makes Tarantino’s Top 8:
Pauly Dangerously says: I didn’t like Precious. It was too dark and too heavy for my liking.
From the Mysterious Science Theater Guys talk “Hitler Claus”:
Chino Moreno says: Hitler Claus comes on Christmas Eva.
Morton Salt says: On the Third Reich of Christmas, Mein Führer gave to me: 3 French towns . . .
From Damn Nation:
Jacktion! says: Have you heard about the script about the men who are abandoned after their legs are broken, testicles are cut off, and have to survive by eating bits of the plaster?
Cast Rations.Jacktion! says: F*ck you.
No one stretches harder for a pun than Jacktion! He learned it from his dead parents.
From the The Bud Light Otter presents The Bounty Hunter poster:
BK says: Looks like the headline photo is saying “You otter drink before seeing this film.”
From Look At This Effing Ukulele Movie:
Morton Salt says: It’s an honest instrument. Not like that god-damned lyre. [*slow clap*]
The Mighty Fek’lhr says: Do you know what is worse than ukulele hipsters? Duras and his Romulan coddling son, Toral.
Which doesn’t speak highly of ukulele hipsters.
Burnsy says: “It’s a people’s instrument.”
Added the hippie, “So get your roody-poo, non-hemp wearing, job-having, car-driving, showering candy ass out of here. If you smellllllllllllllllll what the Rock is eating organically!”
And finally, from Eva Amurri’s Boobs Cue the Sound of a Harp:
Crapbasket says: Some say that when you unclasp her bra, you can hear the sound of a harp.
Yeah, you’d hear, “Harp! Harp! Get dis azzole offa me! Harp me! Harp please!”
Well done, folks.

Just remember that Brittany Murphy died for our sins.
My dead parents also taught me that it’s okay to make fun of dead people.
Are we getting a Brittany Murphy post?
Shut out again. Oh well, my x-men comment still makes me laugh, and as any crazy person will tell you, that is all that matters.
Awesome, I’m so glad now I didn’t die this morning when the brakes failed on my truck and I went careening into a snowbank. Please tell me the prize is something I can barter to a Sears auto mechanic.
It’s just nudie pics of Jacktion. So you have a 50/50 chance on the bartering option I guess.
Sears mechanics all have nudie pics of me already.
Don’t feel sad people, Britanny Murphy is now up in the sky living it up with
Michael JacksonPatrick SwayzeDavid Carradineuhhhh…Billy Mays?At least now she’s sexually interesting.
Interesting how certain Drunkettes who claim to have been lost in a comedic desert this week get two nods on the list.
Just proves my theory that women don’t know anything about humor.
Case in point . . . Lisa Lampinelli.
She’s not legally considered a woman. Your point is invalid Ers.
DAMN YOU AND YOUR LEGAL LOOPHOLES!
For the life of me, I will never know how that Romulan joke got Lince off and none of the others. Maybe he knows Romulan ukulele players?
It’s about context, Fekky, I didn’t need to know exactly what you were talking about to find it funny.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/youve-already-seen-valentines-day-and-it-sucked?cp=1
The Luchador:
You forgot about the part where a bunch of guys come in dressed as cops and kill everyone with tommy guns.
Donkay FTW early in the week from Knight and
DayNo Fags Allowed!SPOILER ALERT: they’re brought together by ‘Twilight’.
Simple, yet refined. http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/will-ferrell-photobombs-wedding-announcement#comments
Erswi says:
That look on Will’s face?
His cock is out.
In Cum Dumpster Donk and Chino double team a classic.*
Donk: J-Lo is walking like that because she has a toothache.
Chino: POLIO!
*if you don’t get that then it’s like I really don’t know you at all
Also from the J-Lo is a cum-dumpster thread:
Pauly Dangerously: I wish she kept the sperm in her mouth through the duration of the movie.
Chino Moreno: I walk like that because I’m bringing you your sandwich and my hands are full of laundry.
From Owen Wilson is Marmaduke, Shop 101 says: I get confused, is it Garfield or Marmaduke I want to kill with a hammer ? Right, it’s Owen Wilson.
From Roman Polanski Denied Celebrity Entitlement, Jacktion! says: LA’s celebrity entitlement doctrine went out of control once they started letting Judge Reinhold preside at trials.
[Banner Pic]
Mr T is suddenly very aware of the recent deposit the little old lady made in her Depends. Oddly enough, this was mere seconds after the little old lady suddenly realized she was sitting in Mr T’s lap.
Not that it makes a difference for the nomination but the * should’ve gone after POLIO! in my previous comment.
Fockin’ oiPhone!
Took me a minute to appreciate this one from Marty McBrundlefly on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/jena-malones-nude-scene:
Jenna’s father and I really have something in common. Pa Malone.
jacktion in Sara jessica parker open thread:
Right before the kick, the cow asked, “Have you ever seen a horsefly?”
From roger-eberts-top-10-of-2009
Donk says:
As a companion piece, I recommend Gene Siskel’s Topsoil of 2009.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/roger-eberts-top-10-of-2009#comments
Jacktion!
I’m pretty sure he rated those movies by the quality of the snack bar.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/no-way-taylor-lautner-remaking-vision-quest#comments
Donkey Hodey
Taylor’s vision quest involves a peephole in the men’s showers at the Y.
In You Can Teach a Gay Dog New Tricks, Pauly Dangerously says:
Who let the dogs out of the closet?
AND
A gay dog favorite is Elton John’s “Red Rocket Man”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/brendan-fraser-a-career-in-pictures?cp=1
Shop 101:
The DSM-IV in flip book form. He should be so proud.
First time poster Falstaff with the observation we were all looking for in Sluts and The Shitty
Was the slut always a white Na’vi?
*note: the slut in question is actually the slutty one on the show as seen in banner pic, other sluts not withstanding