Before Brett Ratner came in and took a giant dump on the franchise, Bryan Singer directed X-Men and X-Men 2, probably my favorite two comic book movies outside of Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2. That’s why, even though Superman Returns and Valkyrie were pretty lame, it’s big news that he just signed on to direct X-Men: First Class. But temper your excitement, because The OC/Gossip Girls‘ Josh Schwartz is writing the script and it’s about teenage mutants. That’s right, and the studio is Fox.
If you don’t remember, writer Josh Schwartz of “The O.C.” and “Gossip Girl” will be penning the script which, if [producer] Lauren Schuler Donner has her way, won’t be toning down the intensity of the X-Men. Donner said previously: “We want it to be like the recent, darker Potters. It should not be a kiddie movie: we’re in the X-Men world so you can’t suddenly change the tone. The First Class comics are really fun — they’re funnier than any other comics I’ve read. Basically in each one the kids are fighting strange villains, sometimes it’s aliens, sometimes it’s monsters. I want to get a flavour of that world.” [FirstShowing]
Sounds kinda like X-Men meets Monster Squad or the X-Files, which could be cool with someone really talented running the show. Too bad it’s Fox, who I wouldn’t trust to wash my car. And knowing Josh Schwartz, the kids’ mutations will be stuff like being only moderately rich in a town full of filthy rich people, or having super gay eyebrows.
UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: False alarm, looks like Matthew Vaughn’s directing.
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I like the concept of movies starring teenagers that aren’t meant to be watched by children, but there are tons of those available on the internet.
And knowing Josh Schwartz, the kids’ mutations will be stuff like being only moderately rich in a town full of filthy rich people, or having super gay eyebrows.
Somebody put Zachary Quinto on the national mutant registry NOW!
Introducing the new mutant, H4XX0R! His mutant power is that he can interface with ANY computer technology, and he only speaks in l33t!
“1 M T3H L33TZ0RZZ D3R3 IZ @ WUT 1 D3W!”
Michael Bay says:
NEEDS LESS GAY AND MORE EXPLOSIONS IMO!
So, Bryan Singer, you think you can come back into our lives after abandoning the X-Men franchise and letting it go to hell?!
It’s too late for that! The damage is already done!
*runs away crying*
Josh Schwartz is writing the script and it’s about teenage mutants.
To be fair, on concept alone, this movie is already 50% as good as the original TMNT movie.
The Beast doesn’t have nards!
I am a mutant. I am called The Eye.
I stare at people for a really long time until they feel uncomfortable and leave.
Toad: Hey new guy, did you know that this school has a swimming pool on the roof?
The Blob: Yeah, it’s supposed to only be for upper-classmen, but they don’t use it in the morning. C’mon, we’ll show you where it is *snicker*
*The three of them go to the roof, Toad and Blob close and lock the door behind the new kid. Their laughter is stifled when he materializes in front of them through the locked door*
Nightcrawler: Fuckin’ dicks…
What are the odds Singer tries to get his young male actors to go nude for a shower high school shower scene? What are the odds he gets sued again?
God I love that movie DH. I don’t care who hates on me for it.
He already made this movie…APT PUPIL.
Every time teenage Wolverine gets an awkward boner he needs to buy new pants.
The new emo Scott Summers will wear dark glasses; not because of the laser beams, but just so the world doesn’t see his pain.
MiZ: Aw, It’s Bryan Singer! What’s up man? You got some kick ass new mutants for us?
BS: Ha! Actually, Eukaryotic DNA replication is highly stratified, with different genomic regions shown to replicate at characteristic times during S phase. Here we observe that mutation rate, as reflected in recent evolutionary divergence and human nucleotide diversity, is markedly increased in later-replicating regions of the human genome.
MiZ:…?
BS: Also, I was thinking one of them could piss fire.
MiZ: Rock on.
Teenage Wolverine needs a new cell everytime he gets into text fights with his girlfriend.
Oh, and I hate his idea for BSG, too.
I liked Superman
wow, I really got nothing
My power is apathy
I’m under the impression that teenage mutants aren’t in complete control of their power. Based on this, I’m amazed Gambit made it all the way through to adulthood without accidentally blowing his own dick off.
So, this X-Men script ISN’T about Lana Wachowski?
Speaking of fire-piss, what ever happened to that movie about the kid who would cum fire? There’s a super-power for you. He could be HOT DOG.
But temper your excitement, because The OC/Gossip Girls‘ Josh Schwartz is writing the script
We’ve been on the run
Flying to the sun
Looking out for number 1
Xavier’s Mansion here we come
Right back where we started from
Mutants grab your tights
Colossus’ armor weighs a ton
Driving down the 684
Xavier’s Mansion here we come
Right back where we started from
Xavier’s Mansion!
(Xavier’s Mansion!)
Here we cooooooooooooooome
The pain and snager starts when the other tennage mutants call Cain Marko “Juggle Nuts” in the locker room.
Plotline: rumors about Rogue start up when one day after lunch for about 20 minutes, she can shoot beams of energy from her eyes, then on the next day for about 20 minutes, she can suddenly shoot ice from her hands; on the third day, she grows blue fur.
Cyclops: “blah blah blah” yean, you’re the fucking all-powerful Phoenix. Listen Jean, shut the fuck up. You’re such a fucking drama queen.
Professor X gets arrested when Rogue shows up in a wheel chair.
Donk, the day she hooked up with me she was able to make all the girls at the school run from the room screaming just by smiling and saying hi :(
Wolverine wants to know who put a “B” in front of his name on his assingment…
When Storm gets her first period the whole school gets flooded.
The kid who can make himself all spiky never gets picked at all for dodgeball.
THE BLOOD. THE BLOOOOOODDDD
Also they should, and this is only a suggestion mind you, but they really need to consider BRINGING IN FUCKING GAMBIT YOU SONSOFBITCHES! WOULD IT FUCKING HURT YOU TO PUT THAT COONASS ON THE SCREEN FOR 20 MINUTES OR SO?
And please God do not let him have the Denis Quaid Louisiana accent.
Storm won’t be in it… she’s a little too ‘ethnic’ for Josh Schwartz
Holy shit Ers. Picturing Randy Quaid as one of the X-Men just blew my mind. I want to see that movie now.