+10 HIPSTER POINTS
12.04.09
Courtesy of Collider, these are the first pictures from Hesher, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman, possibly the hipsteriest movie pairing outside of Baby Goose and Zooey Deschanel. I used to dislike Natalie Portman until I saw her on Top Chef and she actually seemed pretty cool. Unlike Zooey Deschanel, who said she was not only a vegan, but was also allergic to wheat and soy. I guarantee you aren’t allergic to all those things, retard.
Here’s the official Sundance synopsis: “Hesher” – Directed by Spencer Susser, written by Susser and David Michod from a story by Brian Charles Frank, in which a mysterious, anarchical trickster enters the lives of a family dealing with a painful loss. Toplines Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Natalie Portman, Devin Brochu, Piper Laurie, John Carroll Lynch, Rainn Wilson.
Sundance movie? Anarchical trickster? 10 bucks says he’s a figment of someone’s imagination. FYI, “hesher” is apparently slang for a grungy metal head. Though when I looked it up on Wikipedia, the first thing that came up was a Nickelback album. That’s -20 hipster points. …Or is it actually so ironic that it’s +100 hipster points? I’m stumped. I think I’ll ask this guy:
Aw crap, I punched my computer again.
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First?
Natalie Portman was perfect in The Professional. By the end of the movie, you were almost rooting for the old guy to kill 40 or so cops and then ride off into the sunset with Natalie on her new 10-speed bike.
I was rooting for Leon to teach her how to play pinball the whole movie.
Zoe: I’m a vegan who’s allergic to wheat and soy.
Donk: So what do you eat?
Zoe: Eat?
Hipster Loki is an anachronistic trickster.
If I wanted to see a guy in underwear, I would put on underwear and stand in front of a mirror!
I’m allergic to vegetables.
You missed what the director was going for, donk. His work was just screaming ’10-speed bike’. By the end of The Transporter he was just mumbling something about how he was getting screwed on these scratch lottery tickets.
So “hipster” is “scumbag” using the parlance of our times.
I thought hipster was reserved for the chicks that have two axe-handled asses?
You can’t spell “hipster” without s-h-i-t.
Grahmer iz knot mi bess subjek. Is it time to start drinking yet?
or s-p-i-t-e, nePoo.
They must of got the title of the movie from looking at that picture of the hipster. ‘Cause when I say it, I asked myself “What the fuck is he..she..r it wearing?”.
If Zooey really is allergic to soy I have a readily available soy substitute supply she’s welcome to try out.
* points to crotch
Hipster prostitues are the best because you have no idea if you’re paying for pussy or penis!
So this is the Drop Dead Fred remake they were talking about?
If you stand in your bathroom, turn off the lights and say “Spencer Susser” in the mirror 3 times you develop a lisp
Star Wars made me want to plough Natalie in Cirque du Soleil make up.
Garden State made me want to rail Natalie with a tard helmet on.
V made me want to hump Natalie shivering and bald in a jail cell.
Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium made me want to violate Natalie whilst Dustin Hoffman was forced to watch tied up in a chair with a balding tranny dwarf giving him a lapdance.
The Other Boleyn Girl made me ejaculate prematurely on my cat.
This just makes me cry.
Well then I think we all know what The Professional made Roman Polanski want to do to Natalie Portman
“Unlike Zoe Deschanel, who said she was a vegan and was allergic to wheat and soy.”
Tom Cruise just came up with an explanation for his “as long as there are no gays around” qualifier
ShITy up!
I cant see this movie. I am allergic to hipsters and irony.
Get it? The diving board represents ‘The Mainstream’. How anarchical and tricksterish.