11.15.09 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: THE OPEN ROAD

*clickedy-click*
One of the better photoshops involving Jeff Bridges and Justin Timberlake I have on my hard drive.

Oh, congrats, GBHA. And thanks to Burnsy for making me spill hot urine all over my keyboard with tha Chris Farley remark.

I think you meant for that headline to be COTW not weekend preview Vince.

And yea, I had to check imdb about that movie as the poster looks like horrible photoshop. They have a completely different poster on the film info which amazingly looks just as bad.

Vinnie, you know that Pauly reads everything literally. He’s probably already locked into a siesta. Who’s going to fade my hair today?

Wow. Remind me not to write headlines drunk anymore.

Vince, don’t write headlines drunk any more.

OMG, I can’t even remember what the post was about now but it doesn’t matter, I heart Donk:

The issue is it would be very difficult to do and would require someone with a bountiful imagination and a lot of balls.

Has Chuck E. Cheese ever directed before?

Al, it was this one:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/cormac-mccarthy-still-a-fountain-of-wisdom

And second…(now that He finally got it…)

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/italy-smells-like-cat-fur-sadness-now-too

Donk

Man, how awesome would it be if one of these chicks obsessed with chaste, sparkling white, pussy-whipped vampires ended up getting raped by a real-life Italian convict? Aw crap, did I just wish rape on someone? I promised my shrink I’d try to do that less this week.

Even worse, you wished sex with a Twilight fan on guys who have already paid their dues to society.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/lionsgates-mma-movie-tie-in#comments

I’m ashamed none of you fuckers nominated this. Especially you old timers.

Fek-

Holy fuck! Jack!, let’s make a video of us fighting, He will be the retard, you be the kangaroo!

How can we tell He’s the retard?

Easy, He will be wearing a TapouT shirt!

If you aren’t lovin’ this, what are you doing here?

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/lionsgates-mma-movie-tie-in#comments

spazmodic says:

My video would just be my butt, talking Ace Ventura-style:

“Hello, my name is Chaffing Taintum, and I can really take a licking.”

Second Spazmodic. I completely misread that the first time. Well damn done.

I too will pile on Spaz’s comment. Good god, that was funny.

Donkey Hodey on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/kate-hudson-is-humorless-like-her-movie

I’m going to take that to mean that she stares at the painting while ramming A-Rod up the ass with a dildo he affectionately refers to as “Jeter” because it’s just made to wear #2.

ChinoMoreno on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/pirates-4-on-gayer-tides

The sunken treasure in this film actually refers to Jack’s prolapsed anus following an unfortunate fisting incident with Captain Hook.

Also, Fek’ posted a little something with a twist ending (much like my penis) on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/james-cameron-titanic-was-about-f-you-money

Hmmm…guess He cannot attend His high school reunion…no guys that used to beat Him up. }}:>(

The Mighty One supposes He could settle for “that dumb bitch that gave Him a C+ in a fucking worthless lit class, walk up to her, and chainsaw her fucking nipples off”, but He doesn’t feel like dragging a frozen body to the reunion.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/the-dude-wrestles-country-singin&cp=1

Reacharound schmeacharound, this shit from Stinky Peet is genius:

The Wrestler : Crazy Heart :: Pixar : Dreamworks

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-moon-premiere-twilight&cp=1#comment-230149
noMo makes me gay with;

If you are seeking to be bitten by Edward Cullen, you had better dress up as a pillow.

Same thread, Confucius say:

Standing in line at Twilight premier to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagulls fighting over carrion.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-moon-premiere-twilight&cp=1#comment-230149
Confucious paints an ugly picture;

Standing in line at Twilight premier to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagulls fighting over carrion.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-moon-premiere-twilight?cp=2#comments

Crapbasket says:

Dea Al Queda,
Please oh please do not poison gass attack the New Moon premier. The best and brightest of the USA will be there. An anthrax attack would cripple us and plunge us into the depths of hell. The entire world would quake in fear if you crashed a cement mixer filled with Amfor into the theater and blew it to dust. Please, please, please whatever you do, do not kill everyone at the premier.
Regards,
President Obama

second chino’s pillow joke.

chino´s ´pillow joke is amazing.

and

Morton Salt says:
I can only imagine all the real vampires that are spinning in their graves.

Donkey Hodey says:
Seriously, Taylor Lautner went from being Sharkboy to Jacob the Werewolf. At this point, I’m worried he’s the natural first choice if they ever make a bearsharktopus movie.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-moon-premiere-twilight?cp=2

Robo

ALEX: Twilight Signs.

ME: What are two movies that suck?

ALEX: While technically correct, we were looking for “What are things that signify you will die alone?”

ME: You’ll never be allowed into my kitchen, you son of a bitch

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/the-dude-wrestles-country-singin#comments

If salvation is in Maggie Gyllenhaal’s vagina, then I’ll see you fuckers in hell.

Sweet, Donk. Even if I suspect it may well be.

Five words made me laugh for five minutes. Fek FTFWF on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/this-is-what-a-test-screening-audience-looks-like

Her whole existence is flawed.

Second Fek

Third Fek.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/this-is-what-a-test-screening-audience-looks-like&cp=1#comment-230269

Oh Donk

“You should date me because…. I’m not boring, I’m wild and crazy, and, there’s a possibility that we could have sex if you play the song ‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails. bring enough flour”

FIXED!

Well, that didn’t work. Still funny, though.

Thanks for the effort Chino. It would be nice if tags carried over in cut-and-paste, but I don’t understand all this innernet wizardy.

“You should date me because…. I’m not boring, I’m wild and crazy, and, there’s a possibility that we could have sex if you play the song ‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails bring enough flour.”

FIXED!

Fourth Fek’.
Also, Chino on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/this-is-what-a-test-screening-audience-looks-like

She has the perfect face for radio.

Fiff Fek, second or third Chino’s radio face.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/chinese-remake-of-blood-simple-to-have-rap-theme-performed-by-director&cp=1#comment-230331

I really need to drink beer with this motherfucker. Fek-

He’s the DJ, I’m the Zipperhead.

From the Coen Bros. Remake Has a Chinese Rap Song:

Donkey Hodey says:
Chinese rappers hate Uighurs.

twilight signs
Morton Salt says:
There’s the one sign that says “You can have the furry one, I want the one sparkles.” That reminds me of my randomly-assigned roommate freshman year of college. He was a furry. He couldn’t get enough of those bizarre sites with the drawings of humans with cat heads, finger-banging badgers, etc. He sincerely believed in unicorns. When I was watching the Jennifer Aniston smash hit LEPRECHAUN, he got upset because “that’s not how leprechauns act -they are friendlies.” The worst part: he was pre-med and I was the theatre major. I thought I had the lock on being the creepy roommate. Time went by, he dropped out to return to his father’s Tennessee goat farm, and I got a single room sophomore year. True story. I miss you, Tiger’ish -his preferred nomenclature- where ever you are.

Mel_Gibsons_Beaver_Puppet says:
I MISS YOU TOO, MORTY!

test-screening
Fek’lhr says:
Her whole existence is flawed.

-AND-
Fek’lhr says:
For a real freaky date, put your Ipod on shuffle. She went from blowing me during Rob Zombie’s “How To Make a Monster (Kitty’s Purrrrformance Remix)” to running out the door screaming when I started stabbing her in the back with a machete.

Keanu Reeves
GlennBeckHasAIDS says:
And the Academy Award goes to . . . Keanu Reeves for The Diving Bell And The Butterfly 2

Chinese rap
Confucius say:
We far east side, represent.
You American rappers bring weakest shit. All day long you talk about bitches and grills. You sound like restaurant commercials here.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/travolta-is-an-idiot#comments

CrapDireTastic-

I hope Travis Coates takes this movie out back and shoots it in the brain.

The Mighty Feklahr almost nommed Morton Salt’s furry story, but realizes how adverse Lince is to long reads. The Mighty One hopes that Lince might give it serious consideration though, because that shit is fucking awesome. In fact, we might need a Tiger’ish Twitter feed…

J winks and ol’ Fekky knows it’s time to pass it forward with a reach-around:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/twilight-new-moon-director-is-retiring#comments

JHC says:

You know, it sounds ridiculous, but I’d really like to be a better surfer

Hey, Retard. Want a dime’s worth of free advice? Be a better Director. Had you made movies worth a fuck, you could have told the studio execs to jump on the end of your dick and spin because you’re the monkey fucking this football, not them.

*****************************

Same thread, Robo plays pivot man:

RoboPanda says:

I didn’t know Stephen King was John Huston’s son.

second GlennBeckHasAIDS and did love Mel_Gibsons_Beaver_Puppet’s:I MISS YOU TOO, MORTY!

Same thread, Chino strokes my Tiki doll:

That guy in the banner pic might want to rethink the surfing thing. Remember what happened to his brother, Greg, when they went on that family vacation to Hawaii?

Ilove this comment from the deftones lead singer

Miley is totally comfortable in trailers.

In argentina poor people dont live in trailers, but some are also hack accomplished musicians

third [b]Morty Salt[/b] and [b]Mel_Gibsons_Beaver_Puppet[/b]. I saw unicorns everywhere after reading that, e.g. in my pants.

Haha, BBCode? What a dork. *gives Rutger Hauer Experience a wedgie* Get outta here!

Just use html tags RHE.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/assorted-crap-for-kids

I gotta give it up to GPP who moonwalked all over my heart with:

The Negrodancer was the original title for “This Is It.”

Crappy for this bit of beat poetry on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/edward-cullen-falls-for-that-annoying-chick-from-lost:

[Crappy to his emo leaning son]
Look here ya simpering cunt, if you need the limp affections of some vapid three holed matress backed trollip to define yourself, you’re a bitch. Sack up, get shitfaced, slap a jimmy on your cheespole and plow some loose whore’s nappy dugout and you’ll get right that fuck out of your self absorbed ennui. It’s pussy boy! GET SOME!!
[slaps boy upside the back of his head, takes 6 swigger belt straight out of a handle of Seagram's 7]

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/tj-miller-yogi-bear-audition&cp=1

I’m saving a seat at my table in hell for Bubb Rubb after this:

Did you know that Boo Boo Bear is gonna be played by an aborted bear fetus? :(

second bubb rubb

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/nubs-the-war-dog-getting-a-movie-heart-so-warm#comments

Knowing how soft Vince’s chin heart is, this has to be the odd’s on favorite. Donk -

I want to award him a squeaky purple heart.