(Viggo shepherds his son through the post-apocalyptic hellscape)
Opening this weekend (Trailers after the jump):
Fantastic Mr. Fox
I thought Darjeeling Limited was decidedly meh, so I’m hoping for a Wes Anderson to return to form here. It’s already gotten an enthusiastic review from Punchface Thunderdog, and I’ll be finding out for myself in just a few minutes. So, you know, that’s what’s going on with me.
The Road
I loved the book, but it seemed like something that would be hard to adapt, and I wasn’t so hot on The Proposition, director John Hillcoat’s last movie. I found it sort of slow and depressing. Like giving your mom a sponge bath.
Ninja Assassin
It looks like a sort of ham-fisted mashup of every over-stylized action movie from the last ten years, like Boondock Saints with ninjas. Also, the main weapon is CGI. But I guess it’s great if you want to see a dude named “Rain” flex for two hours.
Old Dogs
I would rather watch an Al-Qaeda video featuring my own beheading, filmed in the future and projected back to me in the present where I could view it in real time. Though it should be noted that Pete Hammond gave it an enthusiastic two flippers up.
Fantastic Mr. Fox:
The Road:
Ninja Assassin:
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
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Angelo Mendoza will never get to watch any beheading videos (
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
Do I need to make a joke here? I think its taken care of.
Old Dogs (embedding disabled) by order of the protocols of the Geneva Convention.
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
I don’t even have a joke for this.
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
And the Humanitarian of the Year Award goes to… Youtube!
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
I bed the disabled.
Rita Wilson isn’t screaming because her fingers were slammed in the trunk; she’s screaming because there’s an Asian driver headed toward her.
I saw Ninja Assassin last night. At first i was all like “oooo i’m going to be all smart and critical” and then the first kill came which was fucking COOL which led me to remember how much i love gory kung-fu movies. “Yeah! POW, BIFF, SLAM, SUCKER PUNCH! FLEX!” IT WAS A FUN MOVIE, THE END.
Having seen Ninja Assassin on Wed night myself….I gotta agree. It’s an action flick, it’s not a social satire with serious deep meaning in an ever increasingly hellish world of violence, racism, and Disney. It has a guy, using a sharp knife and swords to selectively dismember large number of faceless cronies who bleed like they’re the star of an anime beheading. It cut no corners, left the social commentary for the Oscar nominated movies, and just went with balls-out violence and kick ass special effects that don’t stop delivering the awesome directly to your ball via a spiked boot worn by a bulldyke hooker. FUCK I LOVED THAT MOVIE!
^^^ this guy walks through the Rain drops.
Wow, that was some fortunate timing.
yo man i usually respect what you say about movies but you have never been more wrong about the proposition. that is a masterpiece and maybe the best western since the good the bad and the ugly and all the sergio leone films. Maybe you were bored cause you are too used to hollywood spoon feeding you everything in a nice pretty bow seriously you have a movie blog you should know what a good movie is…and man you have been wrong so many times at least your funny maybe you should just have a comedy blog cus seriously you cant review a movie for shit oh and i saw the road and it was amazing and a near perfect adaptation of the novel.
seriously you have a movie blog you should know what a good movie is
Nickelback is a successful band, but doesn’t know what a good song is. Life is full of paradoxes.
It’s funny that Greg doesn’t use periods as he’s obviously on his.
He’s funny haha and funny weird and I like that.
Fantastic Fox was fun but not worth the exorbitant NYC ticket prices. I smiled the whole time but I don’t get out a lot.
yo man i usually respect what you say about movies [snip] …and man you have been wrong so many times
Awesome flip-flop, bro.
You can respect someone and still think they’re always wrong, ask a married man how that works.
I’m just saying i have read some bad reviews on this site, the only reason i come here is because the writer is funny and he has news. when it comes to taste thought hes not 100% and it kinda suck cause he could lead people away from some great flicks. spazmodic your a fuckin idiot at least chino moreno was funny.
spazmodic your a fuckin idiot at least chino moreno was funny.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I hear that every day.
Yea spaz, you need a longer answering machine tape, it keeps filling up.
Also, Ninja Assassin was terrible. Honest to god just go buy a 5 pack kung fu collection from Best Buy, at least you know what you’re getting. (Note: I love old crazy kung fu movies).
Oh and, someone mind explaining how Vince’s opinion of movies can be right or wrong? He goes to see a movie, comes home, writes a well thought out and constructed explanation of his views on it, and posts it for everyone to check out.
If you don’t agree, that doesn’t mean he is wrong.
That is the same thing I tell people when trying to explain how I thought that “Rosebud” turning out to be a god damned sled was retarded.
if you saw the proposition you would know he was wrong
So you two disagree on The Proposition. That’s fine. What’s your feeling on giving my mom a sponge bath?
I admit I didn’t watch the Proposition under optimum circumstances (hungover, on DVD, not necessarily in a movie watching mood), so my opinion could be skewed. Plus, I have a hard time looking at Emily Watson’s face because she’s so fucking weird looking (looking at her is like trying to listen to someone with a speech impediment talk), and Danny Huston can only play a pompous cheeseball. But if you want to bash my reviews, bash an actual review, not a comment I make in passing in a preview post. Or… do what you already did and feel free to express the opposing viewpoint in the comments section. Shit, I forgot why I was responding now. Anyway, I don’t pretend people are always going to agree with me, just hope they’re entertained.
Thought Fantastic Mr. Fox was pretty good, btw.
They call me a “Fantastic Mister Fuck”.
I thought Mr. Fox was good stuff also. That in spite of the jackass behind me that couldn’t control the volume of his own laughter. Felt like something out of a Family Guy skit.
Vince i didnt mean to bash your reviews at least I didn’t think you would read this shit anyway…so I’m just going to go ahead and say i take back what i said..i was just heated cause i dont want people to miss out on the proposition or the road, i think they deserve along with hillcoat alot more credit. Any way that is all..and you do entertain me man so keep up the good work!
Moving on to more important things: Emily Watson’s face IS so fucking weird looking. that we can all agree on, i’m sure.
All I have to say about Ninja Assassin is: ever since that one Wachowski brother cut his dick off, their movies have gone way downhill.
who did what? Ninja assassin was produced by, not directed by, The Wachowski bros.
Sure, sure. It was directed by a guy who’s worked with them on 5 of their previous movies so I’m sure they had no influence whatsoever on the style of the film.
Larry Wachowski – penis = Lana Wachowski
I would rather have a period than watch Ninja Assassin again.
But I would love to watch Fantastic Mr. Fox again, but on shrooms.
I would rather be under Pauly when he had his period than see Ninja Assassin again.
I’m sure Lana Wachowski would rather have a period than watch Ninja Assassin again, too.
Too bad she can’t CGI herself some ovaries… :(
She chose “Lana” as her name because she likes the way it looks when written backwards.
Seriously, I would rather watch the abortion I survived than watch Ninja Assassin.
I’d rather cotton-swab test my dick-hole with a Swiffer® than watch Ninja Assassin.