11.02.09 THE NEW ROAD TRAILER SEEMS MISLEADING

If the movie is even half as sad as the book, I’ll leave the theater sobbing.

Check the canned scream at 2:11…perfect.

So, does he help Frodo destroy the ring, or what?

Why do studios make misleading trailers? Sure, they’ll trick some people who wouldn’t otherwise go into seeing it, but won’t all those people be pissed off? And sure, the studio will make money, but is it really worth pissing people o–…

Oh, wait, never mind. I can’t get it. I have a soul.

My father’s name is John. Not sure if it’s John 9:00, 9:30 or 10:00, but it’s John.

Maurice ‘Maury’ Levy: You are feeding off the violence and the despair of the drug trade. You are stealing from those who themselves are stealing the lifeblood from our city. You are a parasite who leeches off the culture of drugs…

Omar Little: Just like you, man.

Maurice ‘Maury’ Levy: Excuse me? What?

Omar Little: I got the shotgun. You got the briefcase. It’s all in the game though, right?

My father’s name is sperm donor #378531

You can put her dress on a turd and plop it down into her pink convertible, but that still doesn’t turn a turd into a Barbie doll.

My father’s name is nogoodlyingworthlessbrokeassnochildsupportpayingtinydickedmotherfucker.

At least that’s what my mother calls him.

Hey, who shit in my Barbie car?!

Youw see that fackin nonce snoggin the little un

Wow, that music represents the book perfectly! SPOILER: Viggo ends up saving the world at the end of the book, and his son and him eat lollipops and play with kittens on the beach.

Before his untimely demise, Michael Jackson read for Robert Duvall’s character stating, “If there’s anyone on this earth more qualified than me to recognize a young boy as an angel I’ll eat a handful of pain killers.”

Gee, this apocalypse looked shitty until that music started and celebrities started showing up and spewing uplifting one-liners.