You meet my demands or I will swallow.

I actually kind of feel sorry for this poor fucker, Pattinson. He is experiencing something similar to what the Undertaker experienced back in the 90′s/early 2000′s.

You see, I used to be a gigantic pro-wrestling nerd, and Undertaker was my fave wrestler. In about 1998 I started hanging out at some Undertaker message boards to make fun of Austin and shit like that.

The freaky thing one, there was this…”caste” of Undertaker fans called “Takerladies”, basically ringrats that were obsessed with the Undertaker (some to the point of pseudostalking). Some of the Takerladies were messed up, this one used to write these posts how she saw Undertakers face in her bowl of Spaghettios during lunch (dead fucking serious) or the time she got hit by the taxi that was driving him (dead fucking serious), and all of them would write stories and poems about…romantic encounters with him (like totally gross and in graphic detail).

Now we joke about the Twitards being smelly cat ladies, but the few pictures I have seen of Takerladies take the fucking taco. We are talking skeethy little bitches, some with deformities, all of them ugly and stupid. We are talking Grade A Genetic Fallout Trailer Trash, following Undertaker around begging for his dick, one club-footed limp at a time.

Takerladies were the fucking worst. I can only imagine what it is like with the Twitards.

*/truth*