11.05.09 NIC CAGE BROKE BECAUSE OF COBRA VENOM, DINOSAUR SKULLS

A few weeks ago it was reported that Nic Cage was suing his former business manager for $20 mil.  Then there were stories going around about how he was broke and owed money to the IRS, which is funny because he made $40 million last year.  Celebrities are always suing their business managers.  Guys you pay to take care of your money are almost never worth what you pay them, but usually it’s because the celebrity grew up without any concept of money and the guy who takes care of it keeps them from ever having to think about it until it’s finally gone and they get blamed.  On that note, here are some highlights from the Daily Beast article about all the ridiculous crap Nic Cage bought:

• At least two yachts and a gulfstream jet.
• Two private islands in the Bahamas.
• Paid $500,000 for a Lamborghini confiscated from the Shah of Iran which was worth $250 - 300,000
• “A dinosaur skull that Cage purchased in 2007 for $276,000 in a heated auction with Leonardo DiCaprio.”
• “In June 2004, he owned 18 motorcycles and 30 cars, a member of his entourage says. And that was on the low end: At another point, two sources say, the car total was around 50. At one point, Cage was snapping up cars at a rate of about “one per month.”  [Ed. Note: not really that much if you're pulling $40 mil a year.]
• “Cage’s pet collection, which in addition to a handful of purebred dogs [tré lavish!], included rare birds and a host of lizards, snakes, and other creepy crawlies.”  Also: an octopus.
• Two actual castles, one in Bath, England, and another in Etzelwang (hehe), Germany
• “He also had two albino King Cobras (Moby and Sheba), this person says, as well as ‘an antidote serum on the wall, so that if you got bit by a snake you could save yourself.’”

Well sure.  If you own venomous snakes, not having the antidote serum on the wall is just irresponsible.  No one wants to end up like my cousin Charlie.  Yeah, so here’s the best quote of the article:

Three people who visited his house also report seeing shrunken heads. None is sure whether they were actual people’s heads (which are illegal to import) or simply those of animals (which generally are not). Still, one thing was for certain. “They were pretty weird,” says a source.

Aw, he’s like a tragic hero.  Surely the shrunken heads were a manifestation of the one thing Cage wanted that money couldn’t buy, that impossible dream that mocked him every time he looked into the mirror — the enormous, custom-made mirror he commissioned in the hopes of seeing his entire forehead.