(That guy supports Team Jacob. That’s Taylor Lautner’s father, right? Please tell me it is.)
Videogum has a whole gallery of pictures from the Twilight: New Moon premiere, so you can just go there if you want to see them all. I’m only picking a few of my favorites, but clearly this represented a cross section of America’s finest. Like this guy. He likes America, sleeveless shirts, and vampires that sparkle. I think that was a Bob Seger song. Or this girl, the one behind the girl in the front. She wants to be “a stupid lamb.” Or possibly a stupid lamp, it isn’t entirely clear. Regardless, it’s good to have ambitions. Then there’s these girls, who support the Cullen diet, while standing behind a lady who doesn’t seem to support any diets. Diversity is beautiful. Meanwhile, the girl in the front right is enjoying her one day of the month outside. Anyway, I just thought you guys should enjoy some of these photos, because a lot of good cats went hungry for this.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/Rachelle-Spector-album1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Cat-tattoo-lady-back-tattoo-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/12/TwilightVampireBaby3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/honest-trailer-twilight-new-moon-morning-links-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
I honestly thought I’d never see signs more stupid and offensive than the Westboro Baptist Church’s. Well done, Twihards.
I wonder how that chick holding up the sign that reads “The more Rob Pattinson the better” would react if he suddenly ballooned to 350 pounds?
Look, Betty. They are abstinant because he is a vampire, OK. Neither you, nor I, are vampires. Ergo, if you want a ride home from Six Flaggs you had better open up the ol’ splooge tube, gnome sayin’?
More like Rob patting a son, y’all.
Tee hee hee…some of the girls want “the hairy one”…
Is “Mexicali New Moon Tijuana” a new strain of weed? Rather brazen of that dealer to advertise that way.
I can only imagine all the real vampires that are spinning in their graves.
If you are seeking to be bitten by Edward Cullen, you had better dress up as a pillow.
I bet if you brought a sign that said “Edward 3:16″, you’d get a lot of confused people glancing at their watches.
Lince, you left off “Cullensicles” because…?
I vote we get Barlow from Salem’s Lot out there to see how much they like the shiny bald headed variety.
Jessica D says:
I vote we get Barlow from Salem’s Lot out there to see how much they like the shiny bald headed variety.
I say:
Robert Pattinson LOVES the shiny bald headed variety.
ANYONE WITH A CRAYON SIGN WILL GET AN AUTOGRAPH, BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME PICTURES OF YOUR KIDS FIRST!
Suddenly all those quidditch players don’t seem like such assholes anymore.
Inkypee-QAPLAH!
I have trouble finding problem with young girls obsessed with thought of 100 year old man with skin problem and who stare at them while they sleep.
You know, reading these signs….I’m convinced. The public option IS a bad idea.
Rob Pattison is a lucky man. He could have any of those women.
Standing in line at Twilight premier to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagulls fighting over carrion.
Seriously, is there any new Jonas Brothers news? Anything is better than this.
Does that one sign say “I WANNA BE A STUPID LAMP”???
M. Night Shyamalan read this headline and got a little excited before realizing that there’s no possible way Twilight fans could understand his movies.
AREN’T THERE ANY ATTRACTIVE TWILIGHT FANS?
You know, this reminds me of the time that I didn’t give a shit.
Seriously, Taylor Lautner went from being Sharkboy to Jacob the Werewolf. At this point, I’m worried he’s the natural first choice if they ever make a bearsharktopus movie.
Edward Woodward dies, and these people live.
Harsh.
Holy fuck, donk, I was about to forgive all if that guy was really Sharkboy…but it was a gay, inferior Sharkboy. :(
There’s the one sign that says “You can have the furry one, I want the one sparkles.” That reminds me of my randomly-assigned roommate freshman year of college. He was a furry. He couldn’t get enough of those bizarre sites with the drawings of humans with cat heads, finger-banging badgers, etc. He sincerely believed in unicorns. When I was watching the Jennifer Aniston smash hit LEPRECHAUN, he got upset because “that’s not how leprechauns act -they are friendlies.” The worst part: he was pre-med and I was the theatre major. I thought I had the lock on being the creepy roommate. Time went by, he dropped out to return to his father’s Tennessee goat farm, and I got a single room sophomore year. True story. I miss you, Tiger’ish -his preferred nomenclature- where ever you are.
I MISS YOU TOO, MORTY!
If I was a Twilight fan, I would be nervous having those werewolves around all my cats. But, I guess they’re not interested in pussy.
Mel, I appreciate the effort, but I know you are faking. Again, true story: he surmised from his pre-med classes that you could derive the latin root from any current word or proper noun by adding -us to the end. (Yes, GENTLEMEN BRONCOS basically stole this joke from my life.) His ‘human’ name being Logan, he preferred everyone in his human life -professors, classmates, etc.- to call him Loganus. Being a PC campus, people obliged, but they without fail pronounced it Log Anus. Anyhow, I’m sure he loves Twilight, assuming he thinks they got the facts right.
Dea Al Queda,
Please oh please do not poison gass attack the New Moon premier. The best and brightest of the USA will be there. An anthrax attack would cripple us and plunge us into the depths of hell. The entire world would quake in fear if you crashed a cement mixer filled with Amfor into the theater and blew it to dust. Please, please, please whatever you do, do not kill everyone at the premier.
Regards,
President Obama
NO HARD FEELINGS, MORTY. I WAS JUST YANKIN YER CHAIN TRYIN TO GET A PITY FUCK.
Dea Al Queda – is that Latin?
NEXT TIME FASHION THE POSTERS FROM PAPER BAGS. THEY’LL COME IN HANDY WHEN I TAKE PITY ON YOU AND THROW IT AT YA, SHAMU.
Yup, it translates to; I’m typing with my pinkies cuz I’m eating chicken wings and am to lazy to proofread my comments before submission.
These chicken wings….are they fried?
Hells to the ya! Bone in. None of that pussyfag sweet n sour shit either. Naw, these shits got buning turkey squirts by morning sauce on them. Time for a Zantac and a Lipitor bitches!!
Crappy, is the New Moon Premier the guy who runs the Communist New Moon Republic?
*swoon*
Nothing says good food like firebutt.
Hell ya Jack! Fine little republic that CNMR. Chief agricultural export, sparkly douche fruit.
When this shit happens in Russia, they’re going to gas that theater like it’s full of Chechen terrorists and hostages.
ALEX: Twilight Signs.
ME: What are two movies that suck?
ALEX: While technically correct, we were looking for “What are things that signify you will die alone?”
ME: You’ll never be allowed into my kitchen, you son of a bitch.
Why aren’t there masses of fundamentalist assholes screeching about how this shit is corrupting our children like they do about Hari Putar?
Communist New Moon Republic? Has the Moonie guy got his own country now? I love a good mass wedding… and suicide. Think i’m getting my cults mixed up. Who were the Kool-aid* guys?
*Wikipedia says it was actually grape Flavor-aid. Well, tough. Popular misconception trumps your facts, free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
“I want to be a stupid lamb” posters are also very popular at “teabagger” rallies.
Grape flavoraid goes well with fried chicken.
I’ve got some Ribena, will that do?
Fired chicken > stupid lamb.
Fired chicken?
HEY TUBBY, HOLD THAT SIGN A LITTLE LOWER, YOUR GUNT IS MAKING ME LOSE MY BONER. NO, WAIT, NOW I CAN SEE YOUR FACE …. JUST LIE FACE-DOWN IN THE GUTTER, OKAY?
I had to Wiki that lieBro. A niche drink at best here in the colonies, what does it do? Make you shit properly?
RIBENA IS THE COMMONWEALTH’S NUMBER-ONE SOURCE OF VITAMIN C.
GOOD FOR FIGHTING AGAINST SCURVY WHEN SHIPPING CONVICTS TO UNCHARTED HELLHOLES.
CAPLOXXX!
Kwool. I learned sumptin ons Flimdrank!!
YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE I’M GONNA GIVE UP BANGIN’ K-STEW FOR SOME STUPID LAMB STEW! YOU SHUT-INS ARE ALL SUFFERING DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY!
Tastes like forbidden fruit. Delicious. Manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline and probably about as beneficial as nuclear fallout. Kanye West namechecked it on “American Boy”.
Blackcurrant juice?! he he
*bites tongue*
Also, I am gonna buy the fuck outta those Twilight party supplies. 30% off!
Blackcurrant juice on a pirate ship!
*bites Chino’s tongue*
Black current = whiskey shits
(Yes, that is about the 123rd time I have used “whiskey shits” in a joke. Cope.)
Whiskey shit jokes are like fried chicken jokes. Always in good taste.
Fried chicken is so hot right now.
Whiskey shits are on the way out.
Michael Jackson fans thinks twihards are fucking losers.
Hey now, go easy on the Twihards. When Kathryn Bigelow pulled Jenny Wright out of the hurt locker for Near Dark in ’87, Ol’ Shop went a little crazy too.
Nice work with the gunt there, spaz!