11.20.09 NEW MOON: BIGGER THAN DARK KNIGHT, HARRY POTTER

One dark night, I sneaked into the health center’s office and photocopied my new moon.

Looks like Spunk Ransom is a sperm bankable star.

This is gonna put a huge dent in the quarterly revenue for Hot Topic. I blame Obama.

Ok, so that last one was really bad. Sorry.

If you’re going to do something that’s going to get that many ugly girls out of their houses all at once, I’d rather it happen after midnight anyway.

reth-I was about to nom that before you apologized for it. NEVER APOLOGIZE. NEVER.

Stupid lamb? Halfway there, beautiful.

Really, the only difference between me and Rob Pattinson is that I don’t have to be invited in for me to pierce your jugular. I’ve probably even done as many dudes as him too.

Even bigger opening than this movie? You guessed it. Chinos vagina.

It just goes to show the buying power of tween girls.

I’d like to take you to Thailand and show you the power of buying tween girls instead.

If there is a bright side to this, and I have to think it’s the only one, there were quite a few middle aged men that got lucky late last night. And a few fucked up Uncles, I suppose.

The Guinness Book of World Records states that the new midnight opening record is currently held by your mom.

My Sister-In-Law went to a showing last night. I fucking told my Brother that she was a fucking whack job when he started dating her, but did he believe me? I told him that she was nuttier than a sack full of squirrels when I was fucking her in high school. When will little brothers learn?

“If you’re going to do something that’s going to get that many ugly girls out of their houses all at once, I’d rather it happen after midnight anyway.”

I believe Donkey has comment of the week right here.

I feel bad for all the house cats that were neglected while all of these cat ladies and future cat ladies were at the movie theater.

@JHC

Don’t worry sweetie, I’ll take you to the midnight screening of the new Twilight. But in exchange we have to snuggle together afterwards because my name is Uncle Buck and I came here to

I have an honest question to ask. How many of these crazy bitches do you think had the forethought to buy batteries early yesterday so they wouldn’t have to stop on the way home after the movie?

Al, care to chime in? ;-)

@GBHA

The fucked up thing is, that probably happened way more than we could fathom.

I don’t need batteries, J. I have a generator.

I’m more concerned with how many theater owners had the forethought to go out and buy dehumidifiers to keep swamp rot out of their buildings.

So middle-aged perverts got laid last night while my 25-year-old dick spent another night with my right hand?

Whatever, chicks are for fags

So middle-aged perverts got laid last night while my 25-year-old dick spent another night with my right hand?

Soooo, what have we learned?

C’mon, get in the van. I’ll tell you all about it.

I was starting to think that this movie is some conspiracy by the Catholic Church to encourage abstinence but then I remembered that they mainly target underage boys

Where’s Crappy? This kind of thread is right up his alley. You know. Ugly chicks with low self-esteem that are willing to let you do whatever you want so long as you lie about loving them.

[door flies open, Crappy bursts in helicoptering dong and wearing tube socks with Berkinstocks]
Somebody say fat chicks with no self-esteem?!?!

What the fuck, it’s Friday and I actually spend most of the day working? I know it’s cuz of these dumb gashes, I just can’t prove it, but that’s OK, “random” is still a good motive for violence against women.

I choose to believe that sign says I wanna be a stupid lamp.

“I love stupid lamp!”

God help me, this movie’s going to make more than Titanic and we’re all going to have to break down and admit that Al Qaeda might just have a point.

Tarantino has a solution for stupid Twilight fans! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ctyPqrCa4