11.16.09 THESE MMA TIE-INS ARE GETTING RIDICULOUS
From MovieSet:
Think you’re tough enough to share the screen with professional MMA fighters? Prove it on video and you could be on your way to the set of an upcoming action film distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment.
MovieSet.com is looking for the next MMA star to bring energy and excitement to an upcoming film. Capture our attention by showing us WHY YOU SHOULD BE AN MMA MOVIE STAR. Reenact a scene from a movie, show us your best moves, or talk smack to an opponent. Be sure to follow the full Rules and Regulations for your chance to win.
An all-star panel of filmmakers* and fighters will judge the 10 finalists chosen by the online community. ON DECEMBER 1st THE JUDGES ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER AND DEATH WARRIOR WILL BE AVAILABLE IN STORES EVERYWHERE ON DVD AND BLU RAY!
Ugggh. True story time: I pitched the idea of an MMA site before I ever got hired as a movie blogger*, and no one wanted it. Now there’s a million of them. I also pitched a news profile on Kimbo Slice back in 2006, but of course I was an idiot because who would even care about that guy? Get out of our office, weirdo! Now every crappy movie producer buys an Affliction shirt and thinks he’s an MMA aficionado. They’re exactly like that guy in the dreads and Che shirt whose parents are orthodontists. Wanna be in an MMA movie? Just show us how good you are at talking trash and looking tough! You know, just like those MMA guys do!! Who knows, you just may be the next Cam Gigandet!
*puts pistol in mouth, pulls trigger, misfires, goes back to eating Cheetos*
*Heavy hitters like Death Warrior director Bill Corcoran, no doubt, whom you may remember from such classics as “Falcon Beach”, and “A Brother’s Promise: The Dan Jansen Story.”
**(Not that I’m complaining, it ended up working out pretty well.)
“What’s up, queers, see my new truck? I bought it off Howie Long. It’s a limited edition, with upholstery made out of Tapout shirts. Wanna ride? Just kidding, no fags allowed.”
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There are 27 comments about:
THESE MMA TIE-INS ARE GETTING RIDICULOUS
I’m taking the same approach to get patients for my Dr. Kervorkian biopic.
$20 says they get an inbox flooded with shirtless Guidos quoting Scarface.
I’m 6′2″, 175 pounds, pale, and slightly doughy. But I shaved my head and grew a beard to make me look tougher. Do I qualify?
Fuck it, I am submitting a video. Topless fat man? Topless fat man. “Yeah, I gon’ qovlpath the ha’DiBah outta youse yIntaghs! Word! Yo smooth headed mama!”
I want Fek to make a video of his Zellwegger impersonation and send it in.
Id imagine an MMA blog would be a lot like this one only less queer.
Grrr! Half-naked superfit men grappling with each other.
Holy fuck! Jack!, let’s make a video of us fighting, He will be the retard, you be the kangaroo!
How can we tell He’s the retard?
Easy, He will be wearing a TapouT shirt!
I’d make a video of myself talking trash and rolling around with sweaty naked guys… as long as there are no queers around.
I’ll fucking send them a video of me doing the truffle shuffle and call their momma’s po’!
hrm…
half-naked*
For real though, I am gonna score some ice and win this fucking contest.
At least you remembered your apostrophe, Jirish, so you’ve got that going for you.
Video submissions should require the mma movie hopeful to receive one really hard liver punch from Bas Rutten. The ones who don’t curl up in their tubs and vomit a frothy mixture of blood and protein drink move to the finals.
Rules and Regulations:
3. Any entry not featuring some part of the Drowning Pool song “Let the bodies hit the floor” shall be immediately disqualified.
Cam Gigandet thinks he should be the next Cam Gigandet.
Fek, that Kangaroo blast was beautiful.
Why does that picture of Cam remind Him of that scene in “Boogie Nights” where the guy picks up Marky Mark to watch him beat off, only to kick his ass and call *him* gay?
Think you’re tough enough to share the screen with professional MMA fighters?
Unless something has changed between now and 4th grade, I can’t take a punch worth a fuck, so I’m not gonna bother with this.
I’ve been told that I look like a 20-something Martha Stewart. She’s pretty scary, right? I should enter this.
Think you’re tough enough to share the screen with professional MMA fighters?
Duuuuude, if they would just, like, CLEAN their’s off every now and then, they like totally wouldn’t have to bum screens off of me, like, all the time, man. It’s like, axiomatic, man, “The cleaner the screen cleaner gets, the cleaner gets the screen.”
I’ve been told that I look like a slightly-younger Ron Howard, if he had the sense to shave his head.
That doesn’t help my case, does it?
Didn’t they have to shave Opie’s head after he gave the school lice?
Vince is so far ahead of the curve that he’s standing behind you. The boner and smile are complimentary, try to enjoy them.
My video would just be my butt, talking Ace Ventura-style:
“Hello, my name is Chaffing Taintum, and I can really take a licking.”
Ron Howard? No.
Clint Howard, on the other hand, is scary looking.
Why I should be an MMA star, a haiku:
I am MMA
I wear douchey shirts and scowl
Date rape is my thang.
I blame Fight Club.
10th Anniversary “You Are Not Special” Edition, out November 18 on DVD and Blu-ray!
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