11.18.09 KEANU REEVES SAMURAI MOVIE FINDS DIRECTOR
Commercial director Carl Rinsch (you can see couple examples of his work below), who was once attached the Alien prequel, has been hired to direct 47 Ronin, a Keanu Reeves samurai movie.
Actioner “47 Ronin” tells the famous fact-based story of a band of samurai swordsmen who avenge the death of their master in 18th century Japan. The Chris Morgan (”Wanted”) script was tailored so that the half-Asian Reeves can play one of the swordsmen. The picture mixes the fantastical elements of films like “The Lord of the Rings” with battle scenes of the sort found in “Gladiator” and “300.” [Variety]
Uh, hello? Keanu Reeves is not half-Asian. At the most he’s a quarter. His mother is English and his father is Hawaiian and Chinese and named “Reeves”. Pff, these Variety idiots act like they’ve never read a Tiger Beat. (It’s called “Tiger Beat” because as soon as I open it I start pawing at my junk). Anyway, Hollywood samurai movies are always great because since Japan was completely closed to the outside world from 1639 – 1854, they always have to come up with a really cool reason for why a famous white guy like Keanu Reeves or Tom Cruise is there. And Keanu Reeves can play a great samurai. Samurai, KGB agent, caveman, one of those Buckingham palace guards — pretty much anyone who’s face doesn’t move much. I have a Bell’s Palsy script I’m trying to get him to read.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/05/keanureeves-jekyllhyde-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/01/keanu-cowboybebop-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2008/12/jennifer_connellyohai-150x150.jpg)
There are 17 comments about:
KEANU REEVES SAMURAI MOVIE FINDS DIRECTOR
Can I nominated the Tiger Beat comment? Cause that actually did make me laugh like an idiot.
or maybe I am just an idiot.
Discuss.
Ok, I realize I need more coffee before the spelling thing. I proved my own idiocy. In my defense,though, I am just practicing for my GOP campaign in 2012.
“I know Honshu.”
The Mighty Feklahr is certain that instead of taking little Keanu to Hooters at age 11, his dad just fed him lead paint chips.
No joke, the ad on the right is for an online RPG called ‘Samurai of Legend’
God I hate these topical web ad algorithms.
They should get the guy who directs those erectile dysfunction ads. Watching Keanu throw a football through a tire for two hours interests me more than this.
http://realestate.msn.com/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=22334217>1=35000
Best places to live according to MSN.com.
Fek and Luch take note of the first two. I noted that New Orleans is nowhere near the list.
Also, being squinty does not make you half Asian. If it did there would be a euphemism for mastrubation that was kinda . . .
Oh, nevermind.
Between this and Ninja Assassin, I think Hollywood might be purposely antagonizing Japan.
And the Academy Award goes to…Keanu Reeves for The Diving Bell And The Butterfly 2
“You need a license to drive, hell you need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole play a white samurai.”
-Todd Higgins-San
Us Asians have to squint because it’s so fucking difficult to tell us apart
Also, second the Tiger Beat nom.
It’s like Hollywood only has two Japanese actors, Ken Watanabe and that guy who played the captain in Sunshine. And if those guys pass, they’ll just casts whoever looks vaguely Japanese.
Josh Hartnett’s agent needs to pull his finger out then.
I’m still waiting for Hollywood to explore something more interesting like Atomic Holocaust.
Any slanty eyes actor is a better actor than Keanu Reeves.
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