I don’t usually watch 60 Minutes because I don’t have grey pubes, but yesterday they did a profile on JC, aka Jesus Cameron, director of Avatar and creator of the universe amen. It’s mostly the same stuff you’ve already heard in his Playboy interview, his New Yorker profile, his letter to Penthouse forum, etc., but there was one tidbit that was new to me:
“The head of Orion, who were gonna release Terminator, called me up and said, ‘Are you sitting down? I have cast this movie. I was at a party, and it’s OJ Simpson for the Terminator.’
And I said ‘This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.’
And I didn’t know OJ Simpson, I had nothing against him personally, and I didn’t know he was gonna go murder his wife and become the real Terminator…”
The segment does a pretty good job of capturing Cameron in a nutshell: enough of a megalomaniacal Napoleon to wear a hat that says HMFIC (Head MotherF-cker In Charge) but refreshing in that he’s the rare Hollywood personality that seems very intelligent and has the balls to casually call OJ a murderer in an interview. In related news, Brett Ratner has a hat that says “Big Cheese” because he loves nachos.
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I thought the old 60 Minutes dude was gonna fall asleep in the middle of that intro. It’s way past his bedtime!
Cameron strikes me as one of those people like Dan Didio — he’d be a hell of a lot of fun to drink with, but hell to work for.
I’ll wait while you Google who Dan Didio is.
“Come with me if you want to get stabbed”
I’ll be black.
I gotta admit, Nordberg the Terminator probably would have made the Naked Gun movies better.
The Terminator could never catch Conner because its running on colored robot time.
Even in the 80s, people couldn’t suspend disbelief for a black man chasing a white woman trying to kill her.
OJ Simpson Terminator don’t want no baby mama drama
See white android killing machines terminate people like this . . .
John Connor: Holy shit! You’re really real! I mean, you’re like a machine underneath, right? But sort of alive outside?
OJ: Motherfucker have you ever seen a black person before?
All I know is that if OJ had been the terminator, it would have taken a lot less time for the bikers in that bar in the first scene to attack him.
My skin hasn’t been horribly burned in a cursory magma spill, this is just my normal complexion.
Chinese robots are little, yellow, different.
“I’ll be black?”
John Connor: You have to do what I say, huh?
OJ: Motherfucker do you have any knowledge of the history of white-black relations in America?
If OJ Simpson Terminator had walked into that police station, the cops would have shot first.
If you have OJ as the Terminator, you need to make Sarah Conner blonde and Kyle Reese a Jew.
OJ Simspon terminator says “I’m a running back”
Nude OJ Terminator walks up to biker in a bar
“I need your knife”
Spike Lee has mixed feelings about this news.
…your white women, give dem to me.
I don’t think a white Ford Bronco is as well-suited for a chase through LA’s storm drains.
I imagine Cameron is a lot like Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino. His wife’s gone, so he’s free to do anything he wants. And what he wants is to antagonize you.
Come with me if you want rental furniture.
Hasta la vista, beeyotch.
Cameron called me a zipperhead, chugged a PBR, then menaced for 17 hours.
If after the robot apocalypse, they started making T800 models look just like black people to trick people into letting them into their bases, then the South would have been one hell of a human stronghold.
Everything will be just fine as long as Sarah Connor keeps a close fucking eye on her sunglasses.
We all know Austrians make the best Terminators…
*Pauly places Adolph Hitler puppet on his lap*
Right, Der Führer?
*Pauly moves puppet’s mouth*
JA!
I have a joke about OJ’s and Arnold’s naked asses but no matter how I rewrite it I cannot make it funny. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
It’s ok, Erswi… I’ve got one about future humans digging moats around their bases and shooting at those who could successfully swim across them, but I’m pretty sure Vince would just delete that for being way too racist, even for us.
New up.
SPOILER ALERT: Sixhead.
Is Sixhead on the Do Not Comment list now?
New up.
New up?
*OJ Terminator knocks on door*
Nicole: Can I help you?
OJ Terminator: Nicole Brown Simpson?
Nicole: Yes.
*stabbbing commences*
In 2029, OJ Terminator will be awarded the Skynet Heisman trophy.
Moats would actually be good against black terminators as now there are two reasons they wouldn’t go for a swim.
My father-in-law works for the 3D company mentioned in the video, RealD. No jokes, just sincerity.
@ Donkey Hodey – yes, I tried it and I think it crosses some sort of line.