JESUS CHRIST, ANOTHER SHREK?
11.25.09
(Krzysztof Soszinski, the world’s Shrekiest-looking dude)
USA Today today has the important details on the latest Shrek movie. Namely, holy crap, they’re making another Shrek movie?
Shrek will conclude when Shrek Forever After, the fourth computer-animated comic adventure — and the first in 3-D — arrives May 21.
After rescuing a princess, getting hitched and fathering triplets, Shrek is feeling over-domesticated. “He has lost his roar,” says director Mike Mitchell (Sky High, Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo). “It used to send villagers running away in terror. Now they run to him and ask him to sign their pitchforks and torches.”
To regain his ogre mojo, he strikes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin, the wee troublemaker who popped up briefly in Shrek 2 and 3.
Of course, the pact goes awry and Shrek must confront what life would be like in Far Far Away if he had never existed. That translates into Donkey being forced into cart-pulling duty, fat and lazy Puss in Boots trading his sword for a pink bow and the underhanded Rumpelstiltskin ruling the kingdom.
Ah crap, I zoned out for a while, did anyone read that?
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“fat and lazy Puss” is a category on Redtube.
I’ll see your Krzysztof Soszinski and raise you Danny Something from some shit group: http://tinyurl.com/ycrnx7m
Oh and no.
Can they even call it a kids’ movie anymore when it’s about middle-aged angst?
Sadly not a joke: I once dated a girl who looked an awful lot like Fiona as an ogre.
You can tell that guy knows that he looks like Shrek because he’s making the Dreamworks face.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch the paperwork to take out a HELOC loan. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill sued the bank for failure to safely maintain a public right of way.
Its a Wonderful… ah fuck this
*sticks dick in pencil sharpener*
So… do you think Film Nazi is going to bust on us for not being excited about a shitty kids’ movie?
CHANGE HIS NAME TO RUMPLESKILTSTEIN AND IT’S PERFECT!
A puss can wear boots but prefer something with a tongue.
YEAH HAPPY THANKSTAKING, MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only way I could care any less about a cartoon is if it was written and voiced by Seth McFarlane.
Shrek 4: Dreck.
Seth: “This reminds me of the time…”
Jack: “Hang on, I have to tie my shoes”
*bends down
*UPPERCUNT!
I read it VaLince, and I blame you.
Cart-pulling duty isn’t so bad. It’s Descartes-pulling duty that sucks.
“I wank, therefore I am.” Yeah, yeah, just hurry up and finish. I gotta get over to Galileo’s place later and help him discover whether he can come faster in a vacuum.
Pusses be getting the boot in the morning when the alcohol has worn off.
Is that cat raping Patty?
This makes as much sense as a fourth Matrix.
I’d rather be knockin’ the boots.
JESUS CHRIST, ANOTHER SHREK?
If you read this like a tabloid headline, it’s a lot more entertaining. It would also explain why Mary was still a virgin when she gave birth to him.
You see, the issue with satirizing kids fairy tales, as oppossed to telling them the tales outright, is that they do not understand the satire, or the tale. Therefore, Shrek 4, will retard your kids.
Therefore, Shrek 4, will retard your kids.
Yeah, and that’s my fucking job!
*continues pounding tire iron against open palm of upturned hand*
OK, I just dont get what is attractive about Rob Pattinson.
[fondles dent in skull]
An Yoooo dooo sooooo goooood Doooonk! Doooooowr!!!
*fondles Crappy’s dent*
Holy shit! I think I can feel your pituitary gland.
hehe
You said “gland.”
Yeah. I regretted it right after hitting the submit button.
Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He gives the Inn keeper three nails, and he asks “Will you kill Mike Meyers for those?”
Never look back, J…never look back.
Sharks don’t look back.
They don’t have necks.
I’m going to have a traditional thanksgiving this year. I’m gonna feed some people then give them small pox and murder the remaining dregs.
Err. excuse me Jack, but which is the one people like to hug?
Gutsy question. You’re a shark. Like Germany. Ambitious and misunderstood.
[Sees World Vision ad involving goats]
WTF?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
deleted scene;
[Crappy pulls finger out of dike]
See, y chromosome or not, a finger is a finger.
After reading “director Mike Mitchell (Sky High, Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo” I passed out and woke up in my own vomit.
Old up!
I am now, Jacktion!.
Who doesn’t like a children’s film with adult themes for the parents? Sodomites, that’s who. This movie will warm the shit out of your heart while delivering an important message to children; like sequels, life just keeps getting worse and then you die. I guess they’re saving that bit for Shrek 5: The Wand of Senility, forget Shrek as his mind slowly degenerates and he abuses his children.
good blog