People Magazine has the first picture of Will Smith’s son Jaden and Jackie Chan on the set of Karate Kid or Kung Fu Kid or whatever the hell it’s going to be called. People calls it Karate Kid, but it’s set in China and features Kung Fu, which would be like doing a remake of NYPD Blue and calling it Mounties.
“I trained every day for four months with Master Wu [the film's fight coordinator],” Jaden, 11, tells PEOPLE as he takes on his first leading role as an American boy named Dre Parker who moves to China. “We did a lot of stretching.”
As the two stars built a dynamic relationship on screen, the teacher and student bond translated into real life. “Jaden had a lot of respect for me as his teacher, even off the set,” says Chan. “He is professional as many adult actors who have been in the business for years.”
A flexible young African American boy, a firm but patient Asian man… I like where this is headed. *does kata in the nude*
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So instead of “Sweep the leg!” it will be “Pull the corn row!”
Jackie: Your Plesident is-a Brack?
Jaden: Yeah, his name’s Barack.
Jackie: …and he’s-a Brack?
Jaden: That’s what I said.
Jackie: DO YOU UNDASTAN THE WOLDS THAT ARE-A COMING OUTTA MY-A MOUTH?
I trained for four straight months with a guy I called Master Wu also. Turns out he was just an ol’ dirty bastard.
The whole, kid catching flies, scene is more about Jaden trying to keep them out of his eyes in this version.
“He is professional as many adult actors who have been in the business for years.”
He’s also as tall as many of them.
I hear instead of the Crane Kick, the secret move will be the Chicken Kick.
Master Wu taught him how to call everybody “cocksucker!” and feed opium junkies to pigs.
There’s no better way to set your son up to be an action star than by naming him after his mother.
But will Mr. Miyagi ba able to save the rec center using the dance moves he learned from young Daniel-san? “Miyagi-san, show me ‘Lump-shakah!’”
A black American in China is automatically the biggest wang.
It’s good that he trained with Master Wu. I’m training with Master Bates, and he just wants me to watch him as he “wax off”
So… I’m wondering what they’re doing with the line from the original where Daniel accuses Mr. Miyagi of making him a slave…
Great, another East-Meets-West fighting movie. At least it will provide some brief entertainment during the “wiggle-your-big-toe-kakke” fetish scene.
“Point to where he touched you… you’re neck? What the fuck was he doing with your neck”
“… he’s asian dude.”
[kicks through wooden lattice, jumps onto patio]
Kai ya, bitches!!
Show me, flog the dog!
Show me, skin the puppy!
Show me, kick the Ramen up a notch with some dog meat!
“Hey kid, now we’re in Hong Kong, you’ve got to see my junk”
“Yay, I love boats.”
“Huh?”
“We did a lot of stretching.” said Hack Yob, screen writer, when asked about adapting the old script to the new.
I think I should get honorable mention for Most Epic Way to Blow a Great Gag for how I butchered the possible black kid catching a fly with chopsticks to keep it out of his eyes bit. [punches own nuts]
After a particularly rough training session Dre bags, “No more black eyed, please!”
In this one Miyagi has his polish up a bicycle with a basket on the front. He gives Dre the bike for finishing his training, which is ironic, because Dre was gonna steal it anyways.
[Kicks out rest of lattice, does helicopter kick, starts spinning and flies off into sunset]
Yee haw, bitches!
Master Wu ain’t no one to fuck with.
You don’t need to be the Amazing Kreskin to see that this movie will suck a jumbo dick. The tagline should read: “Get ready to be bukakke’d!”
Welcome to Earf!
Is that George Jefferson?