11.11.09 INDY CURES BROKEN HEARTS WITH SCIENCE

‘Extraordinary Measures’ is also the title of the book that your mom’s seamstress is writing.

Fucking fatty…

Harrison Ford is a scientist working on a hail mary experimental miracle cure

I will pay double to see the movie if the scene literally depicts Harrison lobbing a syringe across a football field and injecting the girl half a second before she dies.

Literally.

I liked the part where Michael Keaton escaped from the hospital by upchucking the shit in his throat.

Brendan Fraser’s daughter is dying of a heart defect

Daddy…I’m afraid I…won’t make it through…another one…of…your movies.

Count the Budweisers… nothing says uplifting family drama like shameless product placement….

…by upchucking the shit in his throat.

My nut?

I will pay double to see the movie if the scene literally depicts Harrison lobbing a syringe across a football field and injecting the girl half a second before she dies.

I’ll pay triple if the miracle cure involves getting a member of Mötley Crüe to kick her in the chest.

Outty curse broken hearts with hugs and THC.

There is no such thing as a miracle in science.

[fist bumps Fek]

INDY CURES BROKEN HEARTS WITH SCIENCE

I don’t trust science. Some chick blinded me with it in the 80s.

I took an extraordinary meansure of a dookie I produced the other day. 10 7/16 inches.

INDY CURES BROKEN HEARTS WITH SCIENCE

No wonder it’s so popular.

Just stick a baboon heart in that chick and send her home.

Extraordinary Measures is when I tell a girl my cock is 8 inches*.

*Counting from the anus

I hope Indy doesn’t store his serum in the fridge.

Him and fridges? Not a good mix.

I’m waiting with baiting breath for the porn spin off, League of Extraordinary Measured Men.

Im glad I f5ed this, or else I would have stepped on spaz´s dick, fuck

Dear Uproxx(xxxx!!!),
Please stop fucking with this site. You are only making things worse.
Regards,
DireCrapmutttasticbasket

In the end, Harrison Ford replaces the daughter’s heart with Calista Flockhart.

And dicks will be shat, sir. THAT you can count on.

If his “hail mary miracle cure” involves inter-dimensional space aliens I’m killing a puppy.

The Hail Mary Miracle cure involves injecting her with stem cells grown in a laboratory where they’ve recovered Jesus’ DNA and have started cloning him.

Holy shit, you gays think I could get a six figure deal for that idea?

What if I add a street-wise latina and a talking rooster?

Keep fucking that chicken, Donk.

Donk, I think we have enough Jesuses here in California. I doubt a movie about cloning them would get much play.

Is there any chance that something happens to Indy’s family in some bizarre twist. I’ve heard he really wants them back.

Also. New up. And Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is up wiff Uproxx booting me to the main page every time I comment?

UPPPROOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!

Brendan Frasier’s toupee is from the space between spaces.