11.03.09 CONTEXT-FREE ROBERT PATTINSON PICTURE OF THE DAY

Cob Gobbler.

He thought they said Emo Porn…

But vampires don’t eat food?!? I call shennanigans.

That LOL-bster is tuning in “Dumbfuck-ee-oo” on ass-stain there!

Rolling Rock will quickly brew a batch of True Bud.

Rolling Rock? I thought he starred in an absinthe parable?

He heard somebody call a lobster the cockroach of the sea and was sold. Turns out it’s made from neither dicks nor marijuana. That’s disappointment setting in.

If he lived in China, he could eat crushed Asian every day.

That deck is made of Bellawood.

Seeing his carefully styled “bed head,” shaped stubble and sweater, I’m thinking we might finally know who will replace Joel McHale at “The Soup.”

Oh, since this is context free, The Mighty Feklahr is going to tell a joke a nun once told Him (no horse-shit, Wang!):

A lizard, a camel, and a rabbit come upon a small plot of land away from the city and decide to farm it. Lizard and camel start plowing the field and have rabbit take a wheelbarrow to gather manure from a distant pasture.

While rabbit is away on his gruesome, daunting task, lizard and camel strike oil in the field! Knowing they are instant millionaires, they have a mansion put up that very afternoon.

Now ol’ rabbit, after spending a hard day in the field grubbing through manure, makes his way back at sunset. He is dead tired and wants nothing more than a large supper, a bath, and a bed. Much to his surprise, a large mansion has been built on the small farm!

Rabbit walks to the door and knocks. The butler answers and rabbit asks, “Where is lizard?”

The butler replies, “Mr. Liz-ARD is out in the YARD.”

Rabbit, feeling a bit miffed inquires further, “What about camel???”

The butler replies, even more condescendingly, “Mr. Cam-EL is out by the WELL!”

Rabbit twitches his nose a little, stands up straight, and in his best austere accounting states, “Well, my good butler, please tell Mr. Cam-EL out by the WELL, and Mr. Liz-ARD out in the YARD that Mr. Rab-BIT is here with the…!”

context free fact: I was watching panic room the other day and realized the daughter is kristen stewart, she´s totally lesbian there.

J. Crew’s new “Virgin Islands” winter line.

“The bottle or the cob,” Robert wondered silently. For he was finally going to answer his longstanding question of what he can fit up his ass sideways.

Vampire Weekend?

COCK LOBSTER!

@argentino: You’d best bite your lip when talking about Kristen Stewart!

After finishing his meal, Rob didn’t ask his waiter for the bill, he asked for the tip.

You could get Lyme Disease if you walk through his hair.

It should come as no surprise that Rob passed on the pie.

corn is the anal beads of nature

Grade School Teacher: Ok, Mr. Pattinson, spell the word “dictate”.

Young Robert Pattinson: D-I-C-K…*classroom erupts with laughter*

Grade School Teacher: That’s enough. Now, Mr. Pattinson, use that word in a sentence.

Young Robert Pattinson: After my uncle fucked me in the arse, he made me blow him and his “dictate” like shit.

As Robert pulled the corn cob from his mouth, he wondered to himself, “Is it gay that I ate this all in one bite?”

Rob holds his corn the same way he likes to be held. By the ears.

someone please put some garlic on that lobster.

Rob puts the ‘corn’ in ‘cornhole’. Literally.

Based on where his left hand is located I’d say he’s about ready to supply his own dessert

New Moon werewolves eat Indian corn.

He likes corn because of the way it thrumps his ‘roid on the way out.

Rob likes his corn the same way he likes his men. Steamy, 8 inches and all buttered up.

(that’s how I like ‘em, too, BTK)

Rob’s wearing a bib because he hates when he gets jizz on his nice sweaters.

Robert Pattinson staged this photo just before Fleet Week to back up his “I’m late because I got a kernel stuck in my mouth” excuse.

I vant. To gob. Your cob.

Notice you don’t see a steak anywhere on the table.

More like Cheddar GAY biscuits, amiright?

*holds up hand for a high-five*

I just feel relieved knowing I’m not the only one who always stores his urine samples next to the salt and pepper shakers. I’ll see myself out…

*high five*

no clams on that table!

*chest bump*

Rob dips his cob in mayo, cuz it just seems, right.

Nup

Smothering his cob in another layer of melted butter, Bob knows its never too late for Mexican Halloween.

Fun fact for all you Twilight fans out there: Rob’s costars refer to the object he’s holding in this photo as “maize”. They refer to the men he’s usually holding as “gays”.

Abstinent vampires’ favorite haircut: Wolverine meets Charlie Kelly

If those were crawfish uproxx would have exploded with the amount of head sucking jokes that would have hit it.

But I like Rolling Rock and lobster… *shoots self*

Robert: Save some money.