Howdy, folks. This week I’ve got a copy of The Goods on DVD to give away. I was going to write a full review of it, but suffice to say, it doesn’t quite hang together as a whole movie, but it has some big laughs. It’s just about what you want out of a DVD, actually. Anyway, Donkey Hodey and ChinoMoreno won last week so I’m disqualifying them from this prize, but I will say they probably deserved it for these:
[From New clip from Avatar] Donkey Hodey says: Anybody else think how funny it would have been if when he jumped over that waterfall that he would have landed on some shallow rocks and paralyzed his avatar too?
[From Fantastic Mr. Fox clip: a beaver gets pounded] ChinoMoreno says: Wow. Straight to the pounding. He should have started by giving the beaver the finger.
And:
ChinoMoreno says: The beaver was impressed by this pounding until the neighborhood ‘coon hit it. The beaver never went back.
Now that we’ve basked in their hilarity, this week’s DVD winner is…
Jacktion! says: Fantastic Mr. Fox: Beaver getting pounded :: New Moon: Pussy getting neglected.
Well done, Jacktion!. Sorry for saying Chino’s and Donk’s were funnier, but you know how I love a good coon joke and wishing someone was paralyzed. Honorable mentions:
[From More pictures from The Hangover credits] ChinoMoreno says: I once got caught giving a BJ in an elevator. I had to take the stares.
[From Studio wanted O.J. Simpson for the first Terminator] Donkey Hodey says: I’ll be black.
Michelle07 says: “I’m a running back.”
[From Fantastic Mr. Fox clip/beaver gets pounded] Erswi says: Do beavers with Teeth build dental dams?
spazmodic says: Whenever I try to give a beaver wood, she lodges a complaint.
[From Clip from Funny People] [Editor's note: I have no idea what the context of this was, or whether there was any] Burnsy says: This is precisely why I beat off in a girl’s hair once she passes out.
ChinoMoreno says: This is precisely why my hair is so shiny and silky smooth.
[From Robert Pattinson to remake Hangin' With Leo/ "Robsessed"] Chino Moreno says: I’d rather see him do a remake of Hangin with David Carradine.
Donkey Hodey says: Meanwhile, the documentary about his fans will be called ‘Robese’.
Burnsy says: He should cast his agent in Robstraining Order.
[From Pete Hammond's writing was meant for Comic Sans] Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: Every comment I write is written in Underwear Sans.
[From Everyone hates Old Dogs except Pete Hammond] Donkey Hodey says: I want to rub Pete Hammond’s nose in his review.
[From no real context necessary] JHC says: I hate it when Cantaloupes are all like, “Why don’t you ever pay attention to my needs?” and the Honeydews just act like have better things to do. F-ckin’ Melondrama is the worst.
ChinoMoreno says: Those melons need to spend some quality time together so they can work through their differences and come together as a team. The place to do that? John Cougar Melon Camp.
[From the trailer for Babies] Jacktion! says: This movie is so loud that I just want to shake it until it shuts up.
…Yeah. That seems like a fitting place to end this post.


Well done, Jaction!. Sorry for saying Chino’s and Donk’s were funnier, but you know how I love a good coon joke and wishing someone was paralyzed.
If you’re going to be sorry for something, you ought to be sorry for spelling my name wrong, you dick.
Thanks for correcting my spelling. It’s funny how every time I type the word ‘fuck’ (which is a lot) my phone changes it to ‘duck’. Ducking oiPhone.
(it let me spell differences with 3 f’s)
If Vance and Chino aren’t doing it by now, they should be.
Donkey Hodey and ChinoMoreno won last week…
Confucius say: tanks for browing my cover, brog guy!
Wow. What an awesome prize.
I rented that from the Red Box last week. If I had won, I’d rather have my $1.07 back.
Watch it, . I heard that Film Nazi loooooved this movie.
Pay no attention to Donkey behind curtain.
spaz, holy shit it worked!
I only think I won because I introduced Vince to Vampire Dentist.
I think I only made the list to make up for my dick getting trampled in that thread.
Bex brings the Mex!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/sam-raimi-mentors-some-guy-from-ur-a-guey
Watanabex says:
you know how i know Uruguay? ’cause you hosted the first ever FIFA world cup in 1930 BOOOOOOSH
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/japanese-girls-love-new-moon
patty boots with:
Oh, god, can you imagine if Twihards and otaku ever combine forces? It’s like something out of Revelations.
Haha, stereotypes!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/japanese-girls-love-new-moon
Donkey Hodey says:
Japanese girls love Twilight because they’ve grown up accustomed to men as old as Edward stalking them by smell.
Same thread
Crapbasket says:
My favo(u)rite stereo types are from Japan.
I #2 Crap.
First Class Male misses out on the Snatch but concedes defeat with elan.
*throws glass of scotch against majestic fireplace*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/omg-omg-its-iron-man-war-machine1one1#comments
Stone Soup:
Not pictured – Adding Machine, Tony Stark’s accountant robot.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/1st-pic-from-harry-potter-the-stuff-with-the-thing#comment-232079
Morton Salt
In my day, a “ginny weasley” was when you took a ginger kid, pulled out a clump of their god-forsaken hair, shoved it in their mouth and then punched them in the stomach.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/omg-omg-its-iron-man-war-machine1one1#comment-232052
Bubb Rubb
The Rhodey character in the series will be defined by ascending darkness. So it’ll be Djimon Hounsou in the third one, and he’s gonna be a reeeeaaaall dick.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/karate-black-kid-on-the-great-wall#comment-232036
Rock Strongo
$10 says he does yardwork in Nanking…
The Rake of Nanking
I’ll put this here, because why the hell not? I am largely retarded, so how does one imbed links, do bold face, italicize, etc. in the comments?
Morton:
Text stuff is done by putting an effect start and end tag around what you want to affect. The tags are done inside angle brackets, “”
Bold is done with b and /b
Italics is done with i and /i
strikethroughis with del and /delFor embedding links, go here and read the section titled An HTML link.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/how-many-more-twilights-will-there-be&cp=1
Crapbasket:
Jacob isn’t the real story here, Edward already ate that baby out.
Thanks, Donk!
I appreciate it.
Please visit my work’s homepage.
Ah,fuck. Try this one.
Morton, the punishment for spamming the CotW thread is this.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/how-many-more-twilights-will-there-be
Crappy:
This movie is a vampire abortion.
BaDonkadonk:
I want to see a Cullen vampire baby brought out like Simba from ‘The Lion King’ He’ll be up on that mountain and the sun will hit him and he’ll light up like a disco ball.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/final-trailer-for-nine#comment-232158
Crapbasket
A “Felini” is an HJ under the table at an Olive Garden.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/how-many-more-twilights-will-there-be#comment-232131
Burnsy
*catches breath*
Anybody else beat off to that?
second Crap
Morton Salt on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/final-trailer-for-nine I honestly did not see this one coming:
I haven’t seen a movie that looked like so much Oscar bait since that one about the retarded slave who overcame adversity and racism to become a successful musician. It was called This Is It.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/omg-omg-its-iron-man-war-machine1one1
Donk changes the name of the game with;
Wait, so a black guy whose name sounds kind of like Toby fights against a guy who uses whips as weapons?
Ho. Lee. Fuck.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/casting-couch-rape
Burnsy: TLC just purchased the rights for “Help I’m Trying To Be A Celebrity But I’m Being Raped, Get Me Out Of Here.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/the-10-most-depressing-my-life-is-twilight-entries
ChinoMoreno:
Unlike Bella, my womb has never been felt. MLIT
NATHAn Implosion
I just spent 30 seconds calculating the area under a curve. MIT.
Second Nathan.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/the-10-most-depressing-my-life-is-twilight-entries
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
I wish I was always on my period so Edward can go down on me. MLIT
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/the-10-most-depressing-my-life-is-twilight-entries?cp=2
Al says:
I may be 38, but I can stil teach the 26-yr olds a thing or two. MILF
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/the-10-most-depressing-my-life-is-twilight-entries
There was some guy yammering about “duties,” and “responsibilities” when I read this gem from Burnsy and busted a gut;
Last night I used a broomstick to hold up my second and third folds while I flicked my bean and screamed Edward’s name. MLIT
Second that Burnsy Twilight.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/3-terrifying-words-tim-allen-directs?cp=2
Yes, there is a context, and no, I’m not going to tell you. You’re just gonna have to go look or take it as is. (You’re welcome for the pageviews Vinky.)
noMo;
Marilyn Monroe died from all the pilsner.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/rip-jean-claude-van-damme?cp=2
Who drags up months-old threads to abuse Film Drunkards? fuckyoulosers, that’s who.
fuckyoulosers says:
What a bunch of typical ass punk losers, hiding behind their computer insulting people who have done something for themselves while you jerked off to your anime porn. Bunch of disrespectful, go nowhere worthless pukes. I can’t wait for the day when you end up on the wrong side of a gun, or just getting your asses severely beat.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/anthony-michael-hall-acted-like-an-angry-chimp
DONKEY HODEY: Anthony Michael Hall has no idea how eskimo kisses work.
Stinky Peet: My boyfriend is super-aggressive, shows up unannounced in the middle of the night, and is always trying to bite me. MLIT
Peet. FTW.
Pauly Dangerously: Ohh, ohh here he comes…
Watch out girl, he’ll chew you up.
Tarantino
Dee93: who’s talking doggy is this?
it’s not a talking doggy, baby, it’s a talking puppy.
who’s talking puppy is this?
I’m calling this the front runner this week:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/this-is-a-hate-crime
Spazmodic: I feel like someone just kicked me in the nuts while scratching all my records.
second spaz
and on the same thread
Jacktion! says:
Vince, I noticed it on the Iron Man post, but I just thought you didn’t think they were that funny, and you didn’t want us to see them full-sized.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/this-is-a-hate-crime?cp=1
Watanabex says:
there is no christmas carol other than disneys scrooge mcduck and muppet versions, and scrooged
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/avatar-clip-blue-tiger-lady-breaks-a-pterodactyl
GenePoolParty says:
Completely off topic
The charity I recently founded, Instead of a Gift, Inc. has launched it’s website, http://www.insteadofagift.org. If anyone is interested in increasing donations to deserving charities instead of giving or receiving a gift nobody really wants please check it out. Don’t worry, I won’t mention this again unless asked.
Morton salt, http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/and-then-a-puppy-died-of-brain-cancer
I vote we name the dog Farrah Pawcett, cuz that bitch is gonna die.
Cue the slow clap!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/poster-mclovin-is-red-mist-in-kick-ass#comments
GenePoolParty says:
Jacqueline Kennedy was not a fan of the red mist. Perfectly nice Chanel dress.
Pauly totally lives up to the pajiba expectations in the max steel thread with:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Everytime I put on a skimask, I turn into Mex Steal.
Second GPP’s Kennedy post.
Dat shit is funny, son.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/first-picture-from-sex-and-the-city-2
ChinoMoreno:
Samantha: Sweetie, you’ve really gotta do something about that old, dirty clam of yours
SJP: You’re right. Here, stand behind me.
*SJP kicks Samantha down elevator shaft, eats carrot*
Second Chino and add this beauty from Jacktion!, same post:
I’m surprised she still gets work after what she did to Christoper Reeve.
Good God Damn, J for the win:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/12/first-picture-from-sex-and-the-city-2?cp=2
JHC says:
SJP doesn’t donate her hair to cancer patients. She sells it to Yo-Yo Ma.
guid-no
Jacktion! says:
In the year 2000, half of the people on Earth will become a flesh-eating zombie. When the zombies run out of flesh, they will start eating dirt. When they run out of dirt, some will reluctantly eat at The Olive Garden.
Max Steel
Donkey Hodey says:
a 19-year-old extreme-sports athlete who is accidentally exposed to the unleashed power of nanotechological [sic] machines
The condom on the Sybian broke.
That comment is supposed to be all bold cuz it’s EXTREME!!!
second Jacktion! sjp as kryptonite and
ChinoMoreno says:
I have one of SJP’s Manolo Blahnik’s hanging over my door for good luck
It took me a while to get it, but I might upload it to my DS and marry it.
I would like to co-sign the noms for
GenePoolParty says:
Jacqueline Kennedy was not a fan of the red mist. Perfectly nice Chanel dress.
and
JHC says:
SJP doesn’t donate her hair to cancer patients. She sells it to Yo-Yo Ma.
Gotta third my lord and savior, JHC.
Ha ha! Lince is going to have to Google Yo Yo Ma now! (and be disappointed)
Hey Spaz, can Clarabella get a ride out of here on the Perineum Falcon?