This week’s winner and runner up will receive The F Word by Jesse Sheidlower, with Foreword by Lewis Black, courtesy of Oxford University Press. I figured you guys would like it since it’s about swearing, because if there’s one thing in the world I love, it’s swearing. If there are two things I love in the world it’s swearing and racial slurs, but that’s neither here nor there. And now here are the winners, you spics.
(From Robert Pattinson’s face on some panties)
ChinoMoreno says: My Edward Cullen replica c-ck just came in the male.(From Abigail Breslin to play Helen Keller on Broadway)
B.K. says: If her walking off the stage accidentally isn’t a gag in every performance, I’m not gonna bother.
And I believe that is the first time the Drunkettes have gone one two. Well done, ladies. Honorable mentions after the jump.
(From Chinese-American flag from set of Red Dawn remake)
ChinoMoreno says: This is exactly the flag that Chinese Betsy Ross would have designed had she not accidentally drowned immediately after birth.(From Boondock Saints II got great reviews)
Erswi says: If I had a tattoo on my left hand it would say “STRANGER”.
I’m not sure if this next one even had a contest:
Spazmodic says: Tom Cruise is lined up to play Uruguay. As long as there are … you know.
Spazmodic says: He already played Paraguay in that Fourth of July film.
I’m not saying I agree with this, but I appreciate the way the man thinks
(From the John Lennon biopic)
Mark it Zero says: I really liked the opening scene from Lord of War. I think that should be the focus of the Lennon biopic. Production, transportation, usage, and ultimately, the bullet cam right into that commie. 3 1/2 minutes long and everyone goes home happy.
And just for fun, a couple Gary Busey Facts:
Crapbasket says: Gary Busey had his feet painted like shoes just to fuck with the TSA lackeys.
Jacktion! says: Gary Busey started a horse farm by planting his teeth.
Well done all. Bring your A-game again this week because there WILL be another prize.



Seriously? You replaced the “o” in cock with a “-” but last week you said cunt in the CotW post?
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
Big congrats to tha ladeez.
Although, now that you’re armed with the Big Book O’ Swears, the rest of us are all pretty much … ermmm …
…what’s another word for “fucked”?
It’s because he respects the cock, Jack!
Unless Tom Cruise is there.
(I hope that never gets old…)
Hey noMo, I got yur prize a hangin… [Rhino busts through front door, stomps Crappy into a puddle of sinew and skeet]
Swearing and racial slurs? Fucking fried chicken.
Doesn’t that just leave you with a greasy box.
Question mark?
My box is always greasy.
*rides off down the beach on a white horse*
So now Halloween’s over and my avi finally kicks in. Awesome.
Bitches, man, they be bringin the funny
Who you calling a spic?
*bends taco*
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
GlennBeckHasAIDS says:
If I had a gun with two bullets and was trapped in an elevator with Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and Jeff Blake I’d shoot Blake twice
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Burnsy says:
Diora reminds me of a poem I wrote in elementary school…
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Bitch get in the van,
If you know what’s good for you.
I’m pretty hungover right now so somebody please nom Stinky Peet’s Carradine comment from the DirecTV post. Thanks.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Stinky Peet:
David Carradine wants you to know that all DirecTV subscribers get Oxygen.
Trust me, this is a thing of beauty. Burnsy on [filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
I tried to make a movie called How To Make an Angry Dragon but my girlfriend kicked me in the nuts.
You sick bastard…
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Balloon Boy: “Mr Solo, why are you touching the skin between my beans and my butt?”
Kurt Solo: “You’ve never heard of the Perineum, Falcon?”
Jesus, I just got that Balloon Boy comment. Outstanding.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
I almost didn’t get this, but the mental image is perfect:
Donkey Hodey says:
Joss Whedon looks like He’s been stealing from Ken Griffey Jr’s stash of nerve tonic.
[weblogs.wpix.com]
Second Donk.
“Good Lord! GIGANTISM!”
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Al says:
…than just ripping off Shaun of the Dead.
So they just ripped off Deliverance instead?
What, the hillbillies weren’t the good guys?
Second Al.
HEY! Where’d my black family chain joke go? A little touchy on the racism today?!
I guess. I deleted it because it’s not going to be a CoTW anyway and I don’t need Spike Lee all over my ass. Again.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
GenePoolParty says:
Jennifer Aniston calls her menstrual blood The Barrenstain.
GAH! Fucking fuck Donk for being Donk!
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Donkey Hodey says:
For this one, Mohammad will always be off-screen and his talking will come out sounding like a muffled trumped.
Modammad: Wah wah waah wahh, wah wahh wah wah waaah wah
Charlie Brown: Thy will be done.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Michelle07
Is it narrated by Mush Mouth from Fat Albert.
“Heyba youba, youba my Abatap, my butba holeby hurt”*
*I like to assume
This ISN’T it, ha ha we fooled you
Donkey Hodey says:
I’d like to start selling a magical Hollywood success potion to people. I’ll claim that it will make your skin flawless and your voice sexy. Really, it’ll be an index card that says “mix equal parts ammonia and bleach in a bowl, hold head over bowl, breathe deeply.”
prince of persia commercial
African Prince says:
Big deal, in my kingdom we have a magical stick that fast-forwards through commercial breaks.
marmadookie
Burnsy says:
Owen Wilson is also working on his own version of Old Yeller, except at the end he takes himself out behind the barn.
muhammad biopic
Pauly says:
They should get a sacred cow to play the role and call him “Moohammed”.
-AND-
Fek’lhr says:
Mohammed rolls through Wendy’s for a bacon cheeseburger or GTFO.
oscars
Erswi says:
I’m thinking there was a good shot at this until the producers asked “So, are you people interested?”
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Lord Humungous says:
ABATAP sounds like a sexual postion involving an MMA submission hold while listening to “Dancing Queen”
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Erswi drives a corn cob through my heart (by using the joke that I was too slow to put together):
Notice you don’t see a steak anywhere on the table.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Burnsy says:
Jewish aliens only abduct girls who remind them of their mothers.
I wanna fuck this until I bleed.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Vodka says:
Alternate title: Takedown Syndrome
I can’t love this enough.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
From Chino:
Steve Martin doesn’t need a co-host. All he needs is this ashtray. The ashtray and the remote control and the paddle game…
This thread is incredible:
Chareth Cutestory says: Alternate title: Affliction
Donkey Hodey says: They should have made him a foreigner instead and called if ‘Perfect Stranglers’.
Burnsy: Alternate title: No Holds Tard.
Stinkey Peet:
Alternate title: Fragile xXx
* sees karma frowning in the distance *
* remembers he’s done having kids *
* drops pants, helicopters dick *
Alternate title: xXy
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: It just goes to show you that retarded strength will take you a long way, but a retarded heart will take you even further.
2nd Vodka
DonkeyHo on Retard MMA leads by example:
So this is kind of like if the Hunchback of Notre Dame licked windows?
From the Avatar back-patting fest…
Chareth finds the funny in the perspective of it all
Chareth Cutestory says:
“Good news, we can fly you to an alien planet and graft your DNA with that of an alien, follow that up with a mind-meld thingy, thereby allowing you to infiltrate their species and take them out.”
“And what about my paralysis? How’s that coming?”
“We’re not miracle workers, dude.”
Burnsy cracks me up in the Uwe Boll Darfur thread with…
Burnsy says:
Why is Bangs bragging about knowing the one phone number in the Sudan?
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Immortal 9
Time for the old dog (*RECORD SCRATCH*) to learn new tricks.
*gets hit in the nuts*
I’m not saying I own any of their albums (greatest hits don’t count), but I do enjoy some Huey Lewis from time to time:
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Michelle07 says:
Huey Lewis is glad you let him know but to please stop calling him
1001 nights
Burnsy says:
On roughly 99 of those nights, her story ended with, “Look asshole, I just don’t feel like telling you the rest of it tonight. Jesus, you’re such a fucking dick sometimes. I’m going to sleep at my parents’ house tonight. Where’s my fucking chocolate bars, you shithead?”
Charlie Br0nze says:
Yeah, nice story Scheherazade, how about a fucking sandwich?
Crapbasket says:
Now Aron will have enough money to get that circular pool installed.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Donk
He can only offer you a knuckle hors d’oeuvre.
Second crapbasket’s “circular pool”.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Jesus, this thread was golden…
Stinky Peet:
Aron Ralston loved Slumdog Millionaire THIS MUCH!
Chino Moreno:
Here’s the church and here’s the steeple, Aron’s congregation consists of five people.
Crapbasket:
For Aron, jump rope has become wildy swinging rope.
Pauly Dangerously:
INVISIBLE HAND!
GenePoolParty:
I thought 127 Hours was about emergency room wait times under ObamaCare.
Crapbasket, same thread:
TWO ARMS! TWO ARMS! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!
…Well, not you Aron… but to every body else, TWO ARMS!!
Same thread, Donk hits my jackpot with….
Donkey Hodey says:
Aron Ralston likes to swallow quarters and laxatives then show people his slot-machine impression.
Fuck alla you that didn’t get this or didn’t think it was nom-worthy. I’d be hustla’d if my boss were ever in the office on time.
from The
drummer from Def Leppardretard mountain climber’s only got one arm!Chino says – The introduction of Aron to Rick Allen was really awkward.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
My day-long inebriation on Thursday caused me to be a little late on this, but this non-sequitur from Crapbasket fucking killed me for some reason:
Crapbasket:
For Aron, jump rope has become wildy swinging rope.
2nd donk´s slot machine, it made me shit ingots.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
noMo’s dry wit gets a bloop single;
Sitting on Mexicans is fun until you stand up and have to throw your pants in the dryer.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
madman
I always thought mexicans would be better suited for lawn furniture
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Awesomely cringe worthy, Donk;
I hear they had originally filmed a gratuitous sex scene but between all the flaps and folds, audience members couldn’t figure out if they were fucking or trying to put up an old army surplus tent.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
I swear this isn’t a reach around (although I have no problem with those)
Crapbasket
I got a people chair in Helsinki, it had a really nice Finnish.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
[facepalm] How it took two pages for somebody to get here is beyond me. noMo gets +1(4(9-7))i points for plucking the obvious;
The Mexican didn’t know whether to let Rose sit on him, or prune him.
Second Chino’s wetback joke.
retard MMA
Stinky Peet says:
Alternate title: Fragile xXx
* sees karma frowning in the distance *
* remembers he’s done having kids *
* drops pants, helicopters dick *
-AND-
Buzzardsaw says:
Alternate Title: Never Back Downs.
Too simple?
avatar onanism
Chareth Cutestory says:
“Good news, we can fly you to an alien planet and graft your DNA with that of an alien, follow that up with a mind-meld thingy, thereby allowing you to infiltrate their species and take them out.”
“And what about my paralysis? How’s that coming?”
“We’re not miracle workers, dude.”
-AND-
Stinky Peet says:
“Wait, this isn’t a Dreamworks production? Then why am I making this face?”
Risk: the motion picture
Arbuckle says:
“Don’t Wake Daddy” was just optioned by Lifetime Movies
-AND-
ChinoMoreno says:
The director of the human centipede movie is adding one more actress and calling it Connect Four.
Aron Ralston
Stinky Peet says:
He must have tried all sorts of things over those five days before finally admitting he was stumped.
Isla Fisher
Jacktion! says:
The story of how the boyfriend winds up comatose in a Mexican hospital sounds like a good movie, though.
Actually, I kind of like this idea of telling interesting stories from the point of view of someone who doesn’t know the interesting story. We could do Back to the Future from the point of view of one of the guys in the band, or Jaws from the point of view of someone in Nebraska.
Coupla seconds to throw out there.
I think it was vodka with the alt title for the retard mma movie – Takedown Syndrome.
And Chino’s Rose pruning really trims my hedges, ifyouknowwhatimean.