11.22.09 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: TRUST ME VAN
Word up, y’all. Today I’m making like a slut who didn’t finish high school at an arena football game and giving away some free t-shirts. Rob at ShirtGenius was nice enough to send over these vannin t-shirts, which seem well suited to our purposes. Rob is a sick son of a bitch, and I like that. I thought this shirt was also particularly clever. Anyway, let’s get to it, and as always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post below. I’ve got two shirts, so I can pick two winners. It was tough, but I went with Chino Moreno and Confucius.
[From Robert Pattinson wants to be called "Spunk Ransom"]
Chino Moreno says: GIVE ME BACK MY CUM!
It’s funny because in my head I heard it in Mel Gibson’s voice.
[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Confucius say: Standing in line at Twilight premiere to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagull fighting over carrion.
More:
[From Chinese Coen Bros remake has rap song written by director]
Confucius say: We far east side, represent. You American rappers bring weakest sh-t. All day long you talk about bitches and grills. You sound like restaurant commercials here.[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
ChinoMoreno says: If you are seeking to be bitten by Edward Cullen, you had better dress up as a pillow.[From Trailer for Miley Cyrus' new movie]
ChinoMoreno says: Miley is totally comfortable in trailers.
Well done. Just off the leaderboard:
[From Dating video for Trenita, who loves free screenings and wants to do it to "Closer" by Nine-Inch Nails]
The Mighty Fek’lhr says: Her whole existence is flawed.[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Morton Salt says:
There’s the one sign that says “You can have the furry one, I want the one sparkles.” That reminds me of my randomly-assigned roommate freshman year of college. He was a furry. He couldn’t get enough of those bizarre sites with the drawings of humans with cat heads, finger-banging badgers, etc. He sincerely believed in unicorns. When I was watching the Jennifer Aniston smash hit LEPRECHAUN, he got upset because “that’s not how leprechauns act -they are friendlies.” The worst part: he was pre-med and I was the theatre major. I thought I had the lock on being the creepy roommate. Time went by, he dropped out to return to his father’s Tennessee goat farm, and I got a single room sophomore year. True story. I miss you, Tiger’ish -his preferred nomenclature- where ever you are.[From Italy is the new Twilight tourism spot]
Man, how awesome would it be if one of these chicks obsessed with chaste, sparkling white, pussy-whipped vampires ended up getting raped by a real-life Italian convict? Aw crap, did I just wish rape on someone?Donkey Hodey says: Even worse, you wished sex with a Twilight fan on guys who have already paid their dues to society.
[From Kate Hudson is a humorless C-word]
Donkey Hodey says: I’m going to take that to mean that she stares at the painting while ramming A-Rod up the A with a dildo he affectionately refers to as “Jeter” because it’s just made to wear #2.[From Chinese Coen Bros remake has rap song written by director]
Donkey Hodey says: Chinese rappers hate Uighurs.[From Keanu Reeves should be in a movie about Bell's Palsy]
GlennBeckHasAIDS says: And the Academy Award goes to . . . Keanu Reeves for The Diving Bell And The Butterfly 2.[From Nubs the war dog]
DonkeyHodey
I want to award him a squeaky purple heart.Stone Soup
Heart Worming.Chareth Cutestory
Semper Fido
Until next week.
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There are 50 comments about:
COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: TRUST ME VAN
It’s a good thing I don’t rely on making the leaderboard to justify my pitiful, pointless existence.
Well, I think you’re funny, spaz.
/awwww…
Aww, thanks, LHM. That’s real kind.
I think I’ll kill you last.
I’m quite happy to be on the charts…
spaz, if you want I can nom every comment you make this week, even the new ups, maybe one will win. Although it might get me banned from the blog. so its a win win for you and everyone else.
Having won a couple of prizes from Vince, I know that he keeps up his end of the bargain as far as giving away prizes. That said, I think we need a picture of Chino in her rape van t-shirt (and nothing else), just to keep Vince honest about his gift giving.
God knows I’ll never win one again. Good job you guize and dahls. Also, I would have sworn Peet’s ransom note was a lock.
Second J.
The Mighty Feklahr is pleased the furry story made it. It is worth it for the Leprechaun being “friendlies” alone, let alone all the other epicnessity.
“Miley Cyrus is totally comfortable in trailers” – had me rofling for a good 10 minutes. Serious win.
@JHC: thanks, but I think even Vince knew the implications of sending me one of those shirts.
“Huh, small fucking Universe. My wife’s butthole is called unobtanium, too”
JHC got me with this one, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and laughing all day…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/jim-cameron-on-60-min-studio-wanted-oj-for-terminator
Erswi says:
See white android killing machines terminate people like this . . .
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/jim-cameron-on-60-min-studio-wanted-oj-for-terminator
Burnsy in the OJ Simpson Terminator thread:
Hasta la vista, beeyotch.
O RLY? NO LURV 4 PESTILENCE CHEETOS?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/more-pictures-from-the-hangover-credits
ChinoMoreno says:
I once got caught giving a BJ in an elevator. I had to take the stares.
I didn’t know where else to put this, but felt it belonged on Filmdrunk. It’s from the comments section of a Youtube video Lince posted of a Palin book signing:
peyoteugly
terrorists should have flown a plane into this Borders.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKKgua7wQk
Nom gets the spring back in his step:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-clip-from-fantastic-mr-fox#comments
nominus says:
Plenty of things are more enjoyable to see than a beaver getting pounded. For instance, I once had a tickle-fight with a female cop, that ended with me getting arrested. I didn’t get to see it, but everybody around thought it was pretty funny.
GlennBeckHasAIDS says:
John Connor: Holy shit! You’re really real! I mean, you’re like a machine underneath, right? But sort of alive outside?
OJ: Motherfucker have you ever seen a black person before?
ChinoMoreno in http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-clip-from-fantastic-mr-fox#comments
Wow. Straight to the pounding. He should have started by giving the beaver the finger.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-clip-from-fantastic-mr-fox#comments
Jacktion! says:
Fantastic Mr. Fox : Beaver getting pounded :: New Moon : Pussy getting neglected
and then chino kept talking:
The beaver was impressed by this pounding until the neighborhood ‘coon hit it. The beaver never went back
Same thread, Fek makes me wish I had a giant styrofoam cowboy costume (again):
If that beaver was quick, it would have grabbed him by the kiwis!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/im-offended-by-rob-marshalls-nine
Crapbasket says:
Italians are in the mafia.
@argentino: you got yourself a deal, pardner.
*spits in palm, holds out hand*
I whored myself out today, might as well make sure everyone in class knows about it.http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/im-offended-by-rob-marshalls-nine?cp=4#comments
spazmodic says:
Italian vagrants are always Roman.
I liked it.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-moon-third-fattest-opening-ever#comments
Eibz
In other news, there were a record number of lonely cats this weekend.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/jim-cameron-on-60-min-studio-wanted-oj-for-terminator#comments
Donk
I’ll be black.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-clip-from-fantastic-mr-fox#comments
Jack!
Fantastic Mr. Fox : Beaver getting pounded :: New Moon : Pussy getting neglected
And
Nominus
Plenty of things are more enjoyable to see than a beaver getting pounded. For instance, I once had a tickle-fight with a female cop, that ended with me getting arrested. I didn’t get to see it, but everybody around thought it was pretty funny.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/adam-sandler-watching-hellboy#comments
Timing was so sweet.
Burnsy says:
This is precisely why I beat off in a girl’s hair once she passes out.
ChinoMoreno says:
This is precisely why my hair is so shiny and silky smooth.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/robert-pattinson-to-star-in-remake-of-hangin-with-leo&cp=1
Chino Moreno finds life in that dead horse yet, beats some more funny out of it:
I’d rather see him do a remake of Hanging with Carradine.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/robert-pattinson-to-star-in-remake-of-hangin-with-leo#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
Meanwhile, the documentary about his fans will be called ‘Robese’.
Second Robese. Goddamn, I Rofld so good.
Maybe it’s the Miller High Life talking, but you fuckers are killing me this morning.
Burnsy says:
He should cast his agent in Robstraining Order.
God I am so ashamed of myself for laughing so hard at this… and to answer DonkeyHo’s question, I hadn’t before but I can’t stop now (on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/james-cameron-wants-to-marry-his-computer)
Anybody else think how funny it would have been if when he jumped over that waterfall that he would have landed on some shallow rocks and paralyzed his avatar too?
Aw man, second Donk and work for runner-up this week…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/skyler-stone-twilight-intervention&cp=1
Fek nails it like the board he uses to hunt girl scouts. Also, if you don’t get this, then you’re not a FilmDrunkard:
Funny thing is, before he went on stage, Skyler was out in the parking lot stealing dashboard ornaments!
Motherfucking Spaz had to take me on my moronic offer, so here it goes, every fucking comment he made this week so far.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/pixars-george-and-aj
spazmodic says:
Well, the old guy listed to Wilford Brimley…
They were on a boat?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/new-clip-from-fantastic-mr-fox
Beavers eat fish, right?
That explains a lot.
Say, has anyone made a “dental dam” joke yet?
The scuffle escalated into a full-on gang war when one of the foxes pulled a Beaver Cleaver.
Whenever I try to give my beaver wood, she lodges a complaint.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/im-offended-by-rob-marshalls-nine?cp=2#comments
Academy Award winner Daniel Day Lewis in: The Unbearable Lightness of Being In Crap Like This Just to Get Some Fucking Bills Paid.
Erswi, I stood up for you in a completely pussy, passive-aggressive kinda way.
*I’m not Italian*
Italians think Sinatra was Jesus reborn.
And Madonna was his mother.
Freaky shit.
THIS HOLIDAY SEASON BE ANYWHERE ELSE
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
From Rob Marshall director of Two Gay Musicals, Memoirs Of a Geisha and an Annie TV Movie.
Seriously. Why Would You Watch This?
Italian cops are guinea pigs.
*hates self a little*
Italian gamblers just want a pizza de action.
Italian vagrants are always Roman.
The dominant Italian male is known as the Alfa Romeo.
Holy crap, arge! You sure do stick to your crazy promises … you’re like the South American
fake accountbest friend I never knew I had.(pssst … better stop now, the “others” are giving us the queer eye…)
Second EVERYTHING Spaz said.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/pete-hammond-accidentally-says-something-funny
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Every comment I write is written in Underwear Sans.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/pete-hammond-accidentally-says-something-funny&cp=1
I’ll take Burnsy for the win:
I had a Number 2 with a Bullock once. Jim J. gives a great blumpkin.
You guys complete me.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/a-much-better-ninja-assassin-trailer
JHC
I hate it when Cantaloupes are all like, “Why don’t you ever pay attention to my needs?” and the Honeydews just act like have better things to do.
Fuckin’ Melondrama is the worst.
ChinoMoreno
Those melons need to spend some quality time together so they can work through their diffferences and come together as a team. The place to do that? John Cougar Melon Camp.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/michael-cera-chad-farthouse-facial-hair
Jacktion! with: I can also say without a modicum of certainty that nobody gives a shit what half of those people think.
/gave me a big laugh.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/roman-polanski-granted-bail#comments
Chino
The Canadian court’s ruling on Roman ass raping 13 yr old girls? It’s okay for him to hit it as long as he does’t take a running start.
tihihihi.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/everyone-hates-old-dogs-almost
I slapped myself in the face when Donk gave us this one
Donkey Hodey says:
I want to rub Pete Hammond’s nose in his review.
keyHo on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/everyone-hates-old-dogs-almost
I want to rub Pete Hammond’s nose in his review.
This nomination also serves as my seconding of the motion (even though I am normally opposed to violence towards women).
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/everyone-hates-old-dogs-almost
Jacktion! says:
I’d like to make slamming the trunk on Rita Wilson’s fingers into the national pasttime.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/roman-polanski-granted-bail#comments
Sometimes it pays to go back and read what the drunkroaches are saying. Heck, I was even going to nom Film Nazi for being the last to comment on every post today, but it seems like he dropped the ball in this one.
jan has this to say about Roman Polanski…err…something or other:
Shame on subservant Swiss. They should arrest both Bushes and Clinton for rape of Iraq and Yugoslavia, all responsible for holaucast of Palestine. Instead they are destroynig privacy and family life of the victim and terrorize 76 years man. SHAME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/a-cautionary-tale-about-going-bareback#comments
Jacktion!
This movie is so loud that I just want to shake it until it shuts up.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/11/weekend-prev-fantastic-old-ninja-fox-road-assassin#comments
Pauly:
Old Dogs (embedding disabled)
I bed the disabled.
Crap, forgot RoboPanda, same thread:
Old Dogs (embedding disabled) by order of the protocols of the Geneva Convention.
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