11.11.09 IF 300 WAS AN AXE COMMERCIAL
What do you get when you hire Louis Leterrier (Unleashed, Transporter 2, and The Incredible Hulk) to remake Clash of the Titans as a pandering mashup of 300 and every “guy movie” made in the last five years?
- Snakes!
- Swordfights!
- Heavy guitar riffs!
- Dragons!
- Scorpions!
- Crab people!
- Horses on the beach!
- BODIES HITTING FLOOR!
And the tagline? TITANS. WILL. CLASH. Brilliant. I bet the marketing department went double pits to chesty when they thought up that one. Hard to tell what it’s actually about from the, but the synopsis claims it “follows Perseus (Sam Worthington) on his quest to battle Medusa and the Kraken in order to save the Princess Andromeda.” Yeah? And Prince Androgyna here thinks he’s going to save her? Pff, nice skirt, Fagamemnon. -This commentary provided by Diablo Cody.
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There are 24 comments about:
IF 300 WAS AN AXE COMMERCIAL
Vin Diesel had a little racial uproar with a similar tagline for his first sci-fi movie. Blacks…Will…Pitch.
The only way this could be more metal is if Bubo the Mechanical Owl is replaced with a military UAV Drone armed with nukes! OH WHA AH AH AH!
Where. Is. BUBO!
As a
cost cutting measure on makeuptribute to Harry Hamlin, Lisa Rinna will play Medusa!I will refresh next time, but I won’t have to like it.
THIS! IS! A FLAMING PILE OF SHIT!!
And Prince Androgyna here thinks he’s going to save her? Pff, nice skirt, Fagamemnon.
Well said, Bromer.
Leonidas: THIS….IS…STUPID!!!!
For goodness sake. Its like Sam Worthington is an awful tasting medicine that Hollywood is trying to shove down our throats.
Can’t…see… what’s… happening… too … many… edits….
This is like if Joe Strummer sung rock the cashmiere
If the old blind witches are the SATC girls, all will be forgiven.
The comic relief will be provided by commentary by a clumsy yet lovable Mexican smart mouth named Oh-Dissy-Ese.
It doesn’t look nearly as unintentionally hilarious as 300.
Not that to say that it looks good. Because it doesn’t.
Liam Neeson plays the Mount Olympus monarch Zeus? Boy I would have thought he’d have added a “No Mountains” clause in his contract by now.
What? Too soon??
*Clash Of The Tartans*
PLAIDS! ALWAYS! CLASH!!!’
The pacing of the edits in this and Prince of Persia make 2012 look like No Country For Old Men
‘300′ makes a better spear commercial anyway.
“Kra Ken?”
- yeah, his middle name is “Kalak”
*air guitar*
The Mighty Feklahr has heard rumour that Whitney Houston will voice…The Krakken!
*slinks off into corner, forshaks in piss boot*
The original had many good things going for it; Judy Bowker sideboob being a particular highlight.
Did somebody say Lisa Rinna? I haven’t seen her since that crazy guy claimed his son, Falcon, was carried off by her lips.
BOOSH!
I honestly wasn’t expecting that many bodies to hit floor!
This could be good, guys!
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