11.05.09 EGREGIOUS MISUSE OF ‘LITERALLY’ OF THE DAY
Variety reports that Scorpion King director Chuck Russell is set to do a $70 million, 3D re-working of Arabian Nights, aka 1,001 Nights. Here’s the plot of the original (which varies, but these are the basics):
A Persian king begins to marry a succession of virgins only to execute each one the next morning. Eventually the vizier, whose duty it is to provide them, cannot find any more virgins. Scheherazade, the vizier’s daughter, offers herself as the next bride and her father reluctantly agrees. On the night of their marriage, Scheherazade begins to tell the king a tale, but does not end it. The king is thus forced to postpone her execution in order to hear the conclusion. The next night, as soon as she finishes the tale, she begins a new one, and the king, eager to hear the conclusion, postpones her execution once again. So it goes on for 1,001 nights.
Now, here’s the Hollywood version:
In a new spin on the classic, the story follows a young commander who, after his king is killed in a palace coup, joins forces with Sinbad, Aladdin and his genie to rescue Scheherazade and her kingdom from dark powers.
BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT THE FACEPALM PART!
“Through the use of a new generation of visual technologies, we will be able to quite literally take audiences around the world on a magic carpet ride,” Russell said.
A literal… magic carpet ride. I’m speechless. How does a person this dumb have a job that doesn’t involve mopping?
[alternate, NSFW banner pic here]
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/risk-retardpig-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/facepalm-bear-150x150.jpg)
There are 31 comments about:
EGREGIOUS MISUSE OF ‘LITERALLY’ OF THE DAY
I always thought Scheherazade was the Don Juan of the middle east after I heard the Genie from Aladdin sing about how he had 1,000 tails.
*belly dances into corner*
Yep, typical night. Starts with a little tail, ends with a shot to the face.
I hope a “magic carpet ride” is the female equivilant to the male’s “mustache ride”.
Of course he didn’t kill her. Persian princes are pussies.
After she finishes telling the story, the king learns a valuable lesson: Bitches never shut up.
By that use of the word, I’ll literally see it
Gives the old expression hump ‘em and dump ‘em a whole new meaning!
Funny. Once I start talking, dudes usually kill themselves.
Dark Powers is Austin’s African cousin
Scheherazade was very, very good at giving oral.
On roughly 99 of those nights, her story ended with, “Look asshole, I just don’t feel like telling you the rest of it tonight. Jesus, you’re such a fucking dick sometimes. I’m going to sleep at my parents’ house tonight. Where’s my fucking chocolate bars, you shithead?”
In a new spin on the classic, the story follows a young commander who, after his king is killed in a palace coup, joins forces with Sinbad, Aladdin and his genie to rescue Scheherazade and her kingdom from dark powers.
So it’s kind of like Candide, except for retards?
Good thing that Persian king wasn’t martyred. He would have gotten really bored in heaven after about two and a half months.
A Persian king begins to marry a succession of virgins only to execute each one the next morning
That’s WAY easier than paying for the morning after pill.
In a new spin on the classic, the story follows a young commander who, after his king is killed in a palace coup, joins forces with Sinbad, Aladdin and his genie to rescue Scheherazade and her kingdom from dark powers.
Jingle All The Way, that’s the last movie Sinbad was in right?
Yeah, nice story Scheherazade, how about a fucking sandwich?
Havin Sinbad and Aladdin in the same movie is like having James Bond and Sherlock Holmes with a little
scent of curry
A literal… magic carpet ride.
What they mean is that on a cloud of sound you’ll drift in the night.
Any place it goes is right.
I hear Lindsay Lohan will be playing the role of the Magic Carpet. She’ll let anybody ride her to be in a movie again.
Remember when Bugs Bunny played Sche-hare-ezade and had to entertain that nerdy brat of Yosemite Sultan’s kid?
I’m just saying that there are only about five other times I would have liked to fuck Bugs Bunny more than that one and he was in drag for at least two of them.
Good lord, how’d they leave out Ali Baba and the 40 thieves?
Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves?
Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves!?
*drops needle side 2 of Led Zeppelin IV*
ALI BABA AND THE 40 THIEVES!!!!
Donk, I only have one word for you:
Hansel?
Yes, but does it match Scheherazade’s magic drapes?
boPa, that’s number four.
Those two plots are as related as if they had titled Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, The Odyssey.
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