11.04.09 ANGELINA JOLIE IS A SPY OR WHATEVER
This is the first trailer for Salt (this one’s in English, though a Russian-dubbed one was making the rounds yesterday). It made the “Black List” (the list of the best unproduced screenplays as voted on by Hollywood types) back in 2007, when it was called Edwin A. Salt, and was set to star Tom Cruise in a film by Michael Mann. Mann later dropped out and Hancock director Peter Berg joined the project. Then Cruise dropped out and they hired Quiet American director Phillip Noyce, and re-wrote Cruise’s part for Angelina Jolie, whose character is now named Evelyn A. Salt, which is a shame because everyone knows only c-nty Women Studies professors are named “Evelyn.”
Finally we get a trailer, featuring Jolie opposite Liev Shrieber and Chiwetel Ejiofor, in what looks like a pretty run-of-the-mill thriller, in which the main character may or may not be a Russian spy. It seems like a perfect fit for Cruise, I wonder why he dropped out. I can think of only one explanation — there must’ve been gay people in there. So come on, fess up, who was it? Was it you, Liev? Chuy? Tom Cruise needs to know so he can avoid you.
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There are 42 comments about:
ANGELINA JOLIE IS A SPY OR WHATEVER
Fuck this, let’s talk about Roland Emmerich being too chickenshit-Romulan to depict the destruction of Muslim landmarks in 2012.
My sister’s name is Evelyn.
Come to think of it. She IS cunty.
I think Salt needs a jive-talkin’ black partner
Salt n’ Pepa
When the lead character gets a wound the irony makes a puppy explode.
My favorite part of this movie is when she does her signature booty dance, The Salt Shaker.
Salt is apparently both the title of this film and Angelina’s entire diet.
…it’s Wednesday??…
If this movie doesn’t have Morgan Freeman saying “Motherfucker” in it I couldn’t give a rats ass.
Unfortunately not making the black list? Anthony Anderson. Better luck next year, big guy.
I don’t think Blair Underwood has ever been on a black list.
The Black List is loooong.
It took me 3 minutes to come up with something to step on Burnsy’s dick?
I am sooooo hung over.
…character is now named Evelyn A. Salt… [who] may or may not be a Russian spy.
How this character is not sleeping with James Bond is beyond me.
I thought cunty women were named Kitty?
I think cunty women stink.
@Crap
It’ll take me 3 minutes to come, period.
I am sooooo hung, period.
Hollywood: OK people, we have an exciting script here that I really think could make a fine film, so, we need to kick this fucker around town like it’s a dog pissing on the rug until some third tier director shrugs, says, “Sure” and then rewrite it so it doesn’t resemble the origional script one bit only so we can shoehorn Tits McBiglips into it. But first, where are we on the wide release of that Blue Thunder reboot?
H’mm, looks like there’s No Way Out for Angelina’s character in this one. I wonder if she’ll turn out to be a Russian spy after all?
The hospital administrator on House, Cunty, cracks me up when she gets all, “Eh, eh, you gotta bed nice House eh, eh” n’stuff. LOLJO!
I prefer Veruca Salt. Easier to ply with candy. With Angie you have to dangle a fucking orphan baby.
No Way Out + Sean Young in stockings = 13 y.o. Crappy jerkin it under a throw pillow
I’m overhung.
(choke ‘bated too long)
:(
Sean Young in Stripes for this impressionable, young ‘bator
Veruca Salt is a seether.
It took me a long time after Stripes to figure out chicks don’t like getting fucked with ice cream scoops.
Young Sean Astin put the goo in Goonies for me…wait, scratch that one.
Sean Young in Ace Ventura for me.
/enjoys a good dicktuck
Crap, we do like it. You just have to know how to do it right. You need the inside scoop.
The sequel will star Jimmy Carter.
wonders if anyone will get that, decides this group is too smart not to
Sean Connery in Zardoz would have made a good Halloween costume: a masturbatory aid, not so much…although they were kinky boots.
Scooper? I hardly knew h…
*ice cream truck pulls up, Good Humor man gets out, beats Chino to death with Drumstick for stealing Crap’s schtick*
These trailers are making me thirsty.
[has no idea what Zardoz is. Google image searches]
What.
The.
Fuck?
[did the same Zardoz image search. Strongly considered an avatar swap]
Take it dude, I ain’t touching that shit with Fek’s anal egg.
Yeah, i don’t think the costume designer on Zardoz won too many awards.
I just figured that you already had the market cornered on kinky chest straps. I gotta rep the sweaty sax dude from The Lost Boys for now.
Oh, i see she was the director’s fucking wife. *rolls eyes*
Uwe Up!
the black list is like the schindler list of negros, also known as Amistad.
Tag line: How many brothers does she have to fuck to get to the truth?
i can see the relation between a russian and angelina jolie
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