11.09.09 ACTUAL PREMISE: BATTLESHIPS VS. ALIENS
(Fun for the whole family while the women do the dishes)
In the new Hollywood, where projects get greenlit based on corporate partnerships and licensing opportunities, the fun part is watching people try to tell a story where the jumping off point is a board game, and the goal is a story so meaningless it couldn’t possibly offend anyone. Hasbro and Universal are partnering on a film based on Battleship. Of course, Battleship the game was about ships fighting each other. But who will fight whom??? The good guys, that’s easy, they have to be an international coalition, like the new G.I. Joe. But who would they fight? You can’t sell it to a country you blow up! Solution? According to Latino Review… aliens.
Back in Sept it was reported that Universal Pictures is doing a live-action pic based on Hasbro’s naval combat board game “Battleship” with Peter Berg at the helm. Universal already has a set date to release the film on August 5, 2011.
Berg himself has said that the film is a contemporary story of an international five-ship fleet engaged in a very dynamic, violent and intense battle, BUT he didn’t say anything or give any details about the enemy. THAT WAS TILL NOW.
A source has confirmed with me that the enemies will be ALIENS!
You sunk my flying saucer! Hey, isn’t the whole premise of the game battleships vs. battleships? Does that mean the aliens will have battleships in this? And they can look sort of humanoid? In fact, I think it will save everyone a lot of time if we just make the aliens look like the Japs.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/SpaceBattleshipYamamoto-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/llamatassel-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/battleship-cover-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/05/battleship-150x150.jpg)
There are 27 comments about:
ACTUAL PREMISE: BATTLESHIPS VS. ALIENS
It turns out when they said “Battleships vs. aliens” they were talking about blowing up rafts coming over from Cuba.
I call bullshit. Those chicks both have shoes on.
When Michael Bay reads this, it’ll blow his mind.
With DYNAMITE.
In Michael Bay’s Battleships, every co-ordinate would be C-4.
Battleship.
Dick.
Nobody in this family knows where to put their hands.
Christ, I hope the aliens win this one.
According to Latino Review… aliens.
…
… …
Yeah, let’s just let that sink in.
Um, isn’t that just Battlestar Galactica with water?
tyBoo-Nope, it’s Waterworld with a plot! :o
Not many people realize that the movie Bring It On was based on the board game Othello.
Peter Berg(To Agent): You sank my dignity!
I hope the aliens are the same ones from Signs. That way, this’ll be over quickly.
Precious was based on Hungry Hungry Hippo.
Human Centipede was based on Connect 4.
Guess Who was based on outdated racial tensions.
[Runs up, throws old used up joke at thread]
By “aliens” he mean “Mexicans.”
Stealth was based on me farting in church.
[insert pew joke]
[suspend disbelief long enough to believe I'd ever be in a church]
[wonders if anybody even remembers 2005 mega-flop stealth]
Holy shit this review on IMdb was a hardy har;
This movie made me very happy. I felt like I was able to tell the future because it was so predictable. It also had overpriced special effects that made me smile. If only the actors were replaced with special effects, the movie would improve dramatically. My favorite person in the movie was a voice coming from an computer animated plane that looked like it shouldn’t fly because it ignores all rule of physics. The worst part of the movie was the fact that it lasted more than 2 minutes. I liked the DVD menu. It was very special. After that the movie began to suck a lot. I still am angry at the individual who choose that movie. He should not be allowed to choose movies anymore. I give it one gold star for excellence. Better a gold star than an angry machine trying to kill people who don’t like it. Anyways, don’t waste your time watching this attempt (too nice of a word) of a movie. My little brother could have made a better one on his first try. He’s only 13. Anyways it sucked.
Shit, all the reviews are funny. I’m gonna steal some of these guy’s shit.
“My brother in law must hate me, and I cannot let this pass. I mean, I might have been able to let it go if his disdain for me had manifested itself in a more civilized manner, like him sucker-punching me in the balls and calling my kids ugly. But no, his hatred for me runs so deep, he chose to exact his villainy upon me in the form of this hell-spawn stupidity know as Stealth.”
WHY IN THE FUCK IS 2012 RUNNING 83% OVER AT RT?!?!
This makes sense if they’re from the planet BINGO.
Because 1670 was a great year?
(that was @ Crappy, BTW)
Clue, Monopoly, and now Battleship.
And David Carradine would have been so good in Hangman.
Have you heard this one? Yeah, they’re making a movie about the board game Battleship. Well, Professor Plum called, and he said to get a Clue!
Thanks we have a great show tonight: very funny lady Kathy Griffin is here; and the music of David Archuletta!
Hey. Clue was hilarious. I love that movie.
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