WEEKEND PREVIEW: A HUGE TURD
10.09.09Opening this week:
There are some indies and smaller flicks opening in limited release, and Paranormal Activity is now out in 44 cities, but the only movie releasing wide this week is Couples Retreat. Does anyone even need to see this picture to know it sucks? Just watch the trailer. “It’s the circle of life.” “Yeah, well they’re circling our lives!” “You need a present? Buy her a Hello Kitty book!” Those aren’t jokes, and yet the trailer is edited in such a way that we’re led to believe that those are jokes. If I hadn’t put exclamation points at the end, you’d have no idea that those were supposed to be punchlines.
And what’s with nothing else opening this weekend? Are we to believe that this triumph of no-ball-having is such a fearsome box-office power house that nothing dare open against it? How is it The Hurt Locker, one of the more universally likable films I’ve seen, never gets a full release, and Couples Retreat, a film that will get barely a shrug from its staunchest defenders, gets thousands of screens and a weekend to itself? I’m telling you, this country is going down. DOWN, I TELL YOU! EVERYTHING’S GOING DOWN! (*flies plane underneath runaway subway car*)
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I’d like to see all of those couples retreat.
Everything’s going DOWN, you say?
Well, things are certainly looking up!
You need to relax, Vince. It’s not like someone was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for no good fucking reason other than being able to read a teleprompter and brainwash naive college students into thinking the gubment has their best interests at heart.
Oh shit. We’re fucked.
This is a big part of why I beat the shit out of Seth Green this week.
I like Malin Ackerman mainly for the fact that I believe I could fuck her if given the opportunity to meet her.
Or should I say “meat” her. *slaps knee* *snorts*
I like Chino for the same reason. *sniffs armpit* *reclines in chair*
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop holding city buses hostage for a pension and recognition I feel I’m owed.
I’m sorry I haven’t been around all day. I was awarded the Nobel Prize for Heterosexuality.
Veronica, you may be from Mars but I want to visit Uranus.
@Jack: Oh yeah? I am being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for a book that I may write.
/Serious
Wow. You guys are really down on Obama. This maybe the only country where being popular worldwide is a bad thing. Its not like he campaigned for the fucking thing. We could go back to the good ol days where we had a President hated everywhere and crazy zealots where flying plans into our history and the only prize our President was qualified for was located in his happy meal…but no Obama’s the asshole…sheesh.
Haha Jacktion you silly. Opposite Day was just the name of a film Vince mentioned.
*awards ATidyLittleSum Nobel Prize for soapboxing against easy jokes*
(Waving clutched hands over his head)
Thank you. Thank you. I will donate my 1.4 million dollars to BMW and Versace.
wooooooooooooooo inglorious basterds finally premiers in my neck of the woods
Hold on there, DeFrank. One Deftones reference is not going to get you laid.
Well, it might.
/slut
You know, if I could ride a White Pony Around The Fur, it might save my Saturday Night Wrist.
/Adrenaline
Couples retreat will be a small turd. You know, the ones that come out curly with a little “pooptail” on the end.
What were they mugging Seth Green of? His inability to land a decent role in Hollywood to become wealthy and famous?
@plpplwho: He dissed my nigga Vincent Chase.
“Couples Retreat” is the perfect description for what happened inside Vaughn, Favreau, Bateman & Reno’s scrotal sacs when they signed for this pile of crap.
Was this shot on a green screen? Because it seriously looks like the entire movie was shot on a green screen, and the background is just stock footage from the Discovery Channel.
Hey guys! The brand new Coen Brothers’ movie has just come out in the theaters!
And … it’s ONLY limited release (thus not in any of the theaters in my town) because the Coen Brothers obviously haven’t developed a large enough fan base to appeal to a mainstream American audience.
Who do we need to kill to put a stop to this shit?
I saw “Couples Retreat” and it was better than the preview gives it credit for. Bateman added to the classic combo of Vaughn & Favreau made it worthwhile…
Also, it’s directed by Ralphie from “The Christmas Story”. Wrap your head around that, and I’ll wrap my hand around my Malin Akerman blow-up doll.
inglourious basterds , great movie.
http://peoplevents.blogspot.com/
So I’m guessing we’ll have nothing from Vink until later today when my boss is in the office?
Fuck.
California Time.
*pokes straw into Capri Sun* *takes sip and raises eyebrows*
Uproxx is very anti-native American, so we might be honouring Columbus Day.
California indeed! Just remember, DNASteal, if it wasn’t for Superman, Gene Hackman would have blown that hickstate into the fucking ocean!
Saw a trailer for AstroBoy this weekend where Nic Cage’s animated character even had a huge fucking forehead.
If Vince is on proper California time, he’s still mourning that horrible fucking performance against the Falcons yesterday.
If Vinnie’s on true California time, he’s wrapped in a sweaty 69 with a transexual mayor.
*Does Dirtybird, Falcon Flap, gets back into time machine and travels to present day*
Donk, I drank enough to forget that yesterday. No reminders PLZ.