10.20.09 BELLA SWAN VS. THE SCARY ETHNIC WOLVES
So here’s that new clip from Twilight: New Moon that went up on iTunes today. In this one, Bella Swan (no seriously, that’s the character’s actual name) has a falling out with her chaste, sparkling white vampire boyfriend and has to go live in the woods with the ethnic temptation wolves. You know how the minorities are, all passionate and hot blooded and spicy, listening to their loud music on the corners and all turning into giant wolves when they get angry. To be honest, I’m actually thinking of seeing this movie now, it looks kind of awesome. It has wolves the size of buffalo. The only thing that could make it better? You guessed it, bearsharktopus.
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BELLA SWAN VS. THE SCARY ETHNIC WOLVES
So, the cool kids are vampires in the first movie, the…ethnic kids are werewolves in the second movie, so it only stands to reason that in the third movie the MMORPG kids will be zombies, and in the fourth the vanners will be pederasts!
INVIZIBUL GIANT TENNIS BAWL!
At first I thought the make-up girl was busy prepping a gay porn shoot and then wow, things got weird and boring.
And here I was thinking they were big pussies.
Twilight is like Mamma Mia for closet fags and fat hairy women.
Vince: go rent Havoc instead, it’s essentially the same story plus Anne Hathaway’s tits.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
Tits?
The ethnic werewolves con’t live in town, they live in Tenedor, Or.
anne hathaways tits you say?
Aroooo, werewolves of Oregon.
I know ethnic people that actually wear wolves.
*whispers*
Injuns
Peet: Rent? Don’t you mean google video search……close the shades…….take out special sock…….masturbate alone quietly?
Sock? I always masturbate into a condom, so if I get with some chick and she wants me to wear one, I put one of those on inside out. Because fuck her.
If that Taylor guy’s brow ridge were any lower it’d be touching his chin.
The Ugly Duckling just compared itself with the Bella Swan and suddenly feels really good about itself.
Spike Lee talking to New Moon director Chris Weitz:
SL: Listen man, this story needs to be told by a black director. A white director wouldn’t have the life experiences necessary to relate to the plight of the ethnic werewolves.
CW: What the fuck are you talking about
In the next book Meyer will introduce the Queen of the Werewolves, Feo Pollo.
Apparently, cock is ethnic food.
Anybody know where I can find a good ethnic restaurant?
If you’ve ever seen a restaurant kitchen, you know they are all ethnic restaurants.
New Moon deleted scene: estranged from Bella, who is busy resisting the ethnic werewolves in the woods, Robert Pattinson’s whatever-the-fuck-he’s-named character fends off Mexican streetwalkers in South Central LA
Ethnic werewolves travel in packs, hunting for Bloods.
Consider;
In Mexico, McDonald’s is ethnic food.
In that, you wonder why you’re eating it cuz you’re gonna get an epic case of the ass later.
I can get cock in a Mexican McDonalds ? I hope the bathrooms are clean.
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