10.15.09 TRACY MORGAN KARATE DAILY CIRCLE JERK

Fuck, I hate that Asylum site.

First, they try to tell us that Keira Knightley is hotter than Kate Beckinsale, now this:

Look, we’re not dissing your Jar Jar Binks 64-ounce Mountain Dew cup or your Ice Planet Hoth, ton-ton-shaped ice cube trays.

*ahem*

Chris, I think you’ll find the creature to which you are referring is called a tauntaun.

“Ton-ton” is your mother’s nickname down at the dockside pub.

What the fuck is a tauntaun?

Of course the biker rally turned ugly. The FBI showed up.

I like the slutty Everlast ring girl costume that’s less slutty than the real thing.

I like to think that the old traditions of Halloween still live on today and that ghosts and evil spirits are terrified of cleavage and navels. It makes them much less frightening that way.

When I die and am left to linger in the living world as a haunting spirit, people will be terrified of my phantasmic form… a dude scratching his balls.

A wise man once said:

You want cleavage and navels?

*squeezes tits together, tucks dick back*

TA-DAAAA!

I think you mean “a wise-ass”, totally different, Jir Jir Binks

Ahhhh, touche.

I also have to agree that Tracy Morgan is awesome and I will likely end up buying that audio book.

Look, I’m not saying I wouldn’t do Kristen Wiig. All I’m saying is that while we’re playing fantasy hook up, she’d be a little lower on the list.

There’s only one type of can explosion I’d like to talk to Olivia Munn about.

People still refer to a woman’s ass as her can, right?

*dons Hypercolor T-shirt, jumps into XR4Ti, heads to work*

Wait, if ghosts are afraid of navels and cleavage, does that mean the Mormons are right that, no matter how good a person one is, God won’t let gays into Heaven?

J, I’m gonna need a ruling on this.

Well, Lince, since you asked, “No, that is not the coolest Star Wars collection ever.”

…

Err…it’s an oxymoron.

I’m pretty sure they don’t even write for Tracy on 30 Rock. They just copy what he does in real life.

That was the case, Donk. Up until the last general election. It seems that that silver tongued sumbitch sidled his way into my chair when I went to take a shit and convinced the old man to let every-fucking-body in now.

Guys, I just gotta put this out there, but that pic at the bottom of Rush Limbaugh has had me giggling for two days straight.

Your blind date having a really deep voice isn’t really a problem if you’re their deaf date.

Getting females pregnant is not so much a martial art as it is a marital art.

Because you shouldn’t have sex out of wedlock.

*high fives JHC

“I’m just playing Magic: The Gathering and never getting laid.”

“inadequate mail” is what i get every day between the day that I win an auction on ebay and the day that I receive said item.

*dusts cobwebs from vagina*

sucks to be you, Fek!

It’s one of these days, huh?