This is the trailer for The Messenger, which played at Sundance earlier this year and will get a theatrical release starting November 13th. From first-time director Oren Moverman, who previously wrote the Bob Dylan-themed, I-love-the-smell-of-my-own-farts film I’m Not There, it stars Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster as two soldiers whose job it is to notify dead soldiers’ next of kin. Harrelson plays Foster’s friend and mentor, a lá Jeremy Renner and Anthony Mackie in The Hurt Locker. I’m picturing grief, loss, crying, sobbing, slapping — basically two hours of flapjacks and bubblegum and kittens in sunbeams. Though if your death messenger really was Woody Harrelson, I think it’d probably go down like this:
WOODY: Are you Elaine Jourgenson McJenkins?
WOMAN: Yes…
WOODY: I’m afraid your son Tobias Footballstar has been killed in combat. I’m so sorry.
WOMAN: (*bursts into tears*)
WOODY: So… You wanna smoke weed?
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Uh… naked bongos, weed, McCoughaghonahey… er, something funny?
Woman: *sniffs*. …..*sniffs*..ok..*sniffs coke*..
I hate that fucker! He’s always riding his goddamn bike in traffic.
I’ve been hoping Ben Foster got more roles after his badass character in 3:10 to Yuma. These are the things I think about.
The Messenger looks pretty good. Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher will star in next month’s drama The Massengill.
It would be funny for them to drive up to war wive’s houses and ding-dong-ditch them.
I hope he gets shot.
Not for nothing, but I usually listen to that version of ‘Amazing Grace’ when I autoerotic asphyxiate myself. Helps me cry faster.
It would be funny for them to drive up to war wive’s houses and ding-dong-ditch them.
The old ‘Dog Shit Wrapped in a Burning American Flag’ trick. Classic.
“Ma’am, I’m afraid your son is dead and that white men can’t jump.”
“Hey, everybody who’s not the mother of a recently-deceased serviceman, please step forward!”
“Not so fast, ma’am.”
[Serious]
My daughter’s mother is married to a Marine who has done three tours in the sandbox. She does her part by following these guys around and with a few other wives consoling the families. The stories she tells are heart wrenching. Ergo, I got nothing for this. Later.
[/serious]
“What’s got two thumbs and came here to tell you your son was blown to pieces by an IED? THIS GUY!”
GRRR…HARRELSON FORD TOKED FIRST!!!
ben foster was born to play trent reznor in a biopic
“Don’t think of it so much as he died, think of it that he got a head start on the rest of us for 2012.”
“What’s got two thumbs and came here to tell you your son was blown to pieces by an IED? THIS GUY!” -Donkey Hodey
Also, “Here are the thumbs, ma’am. That’s all that was left.”
*slow clap for orto*
ben foster was born to play
trent reznorOwen Wilson in a biopic.If Woody Harrelson was to show up at my door to deliver terrible news like this, I’d be looking around like mad for Allen Funt.
Who are they trying to kid? Jodie Foster would have nothing to do with a woody.
“Remember how excited you used to be to get a gold star back in grade school? Yeah, well have I got some good news for you…”
Damn, I made myself feel bad
:(
“Unless you like zombies, I’d suggest you take down that yellow ribbon, ma’am.”
Ben Foster is my Cam Gigandet, which meant Pandorum was a black hole of suck beyond anything I’ve ever seen.
“Unless you like zombies, I’d suggest you take down that yellow ribbon, ma’am.”
My momma told me when I was was a boy that I’d be good at something. Turns out that something is Zombie killin’.
I’m very sorry for your loss. But the fatties always get it first. Ma’am.
NEW UP!
Ma’am, remember when you used to tell your son that you brought him into this world and you could take him back out? Well, you won’t be needing to do that anymore.
*DING DONG*
“Hello?”
“HI, WOODY HARRELSON HERE WITH ANOTHER FANTAASTIC PRODUCT! IT’S CALLED SON-AWAY AND YOU JUST SPRAY IT ON YOUR SON AND HE DISAPPEARS FOREVER!”
“Is this a joke?”
“YOU TELL ME, MA’AM!”
*Hands her the ashes as he turns around and whistles while the mother cries*
“This is easier than taking candy from a baby in an infant hospital.”
“Sorry, ma’am, but it seems your pussy son couldn’t handle being hit by some tiny, little shrapnel.”
“So he got hit by your dick?”
“Touche”
*Laughs*
“But seriously, your son’s dead.”
*walks away in slow motion while pelvis-thrusting the air*