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Oi, cunts, Da Stafe ‘eah.  Dis is da traila for moy new movie, Da Expendables, innit.  Oy’s playin a supportin’ role, but Da Stafe’s agent says dis is da film dat’s gonna show off Da Stafe’s “rainge as an actor”, donnit. To be honest, oy didn’t know what da cunt was on about. Turns out, it means dat in dis movie, oy’s ain’t takin moy fock’n shir’ off or droivin flash sazz wagons, an’ oy’s jus’ s’posta stand ’round loike a sad cunt whoilst da old geezah wiff da toight shir’ knobs aw da fit birds.  Oy reckon if a bird is choosin a plastic-lookin cunt loike dat when she could get propa knobbed by a fit bloke loike da Stafe, den dis film must be soyence fock’n fiction, innit. Roight.  So oy begged da geezah da let me roide a BMX boicycle or at least knob a few birds, but da cunt was just aw loike, “Ehhh err ugghhh eeeyyy ooohhh eehhh.”

Oi. ‘ow’s a cunt sposta understand a cunt if da cunt ain’ even speakin da queen’s, roight?    Da good news is dat dey give da Stafe ‘is own trailah, an’ fock’n seafood fock’n dinnahs ev’ry noight.  But wiffout sazz wagons or birds to knob or BMX boicycles, oi ‘ardly knew ‘oo oi was anymore.  Oy ‘ad ta do a few fousand pushups ‘an ‘eadbutt da cunt wiff da clipboard just ta feel loike moyself again, now didn’t oy.  Roight.  So go see da fock’n movie, because da Stafe ‘as propa suffered for it, now ‘asn’t oy.  An if oy don’ win da Oscah after da sacrifoices dat oy ‘as made, den we know dat dem cunts at da Oscahs is nuffin but worfless pikeys.

[via ComingSoon]