Awright, listen up ya queahs, Shuttah Island has a new trailah. I don’t gotta tell you dat I gawt a majah fackin hahd on for this movie ’cause it’s from Mahtin Scoah Seas, the fackin’ guy who directed The Fackin’ Depahted, an it’s fackin’ set in fackin’ Bawston again. GO SAWX! This one’s gawt Leanahdo Di Caprio, Special K, Ruffo, and that othah queah from the Watchmen — that movie was wicked queah. It’s like, if I wanted to stayuh at fackin’ blue cawcks fa two houahs, I’d take Tawmy an’ Caspah an’ Squeezebawx down to da fackin’ hahbah an go skinny dippin’ in fackin’ wintah. Am I fackin’ right oar am I fackin’ right?
Sorry about that, I don’t know what came over me. Anyway, Shutter Island is directed by Martin Scorsese (who’s an idiot for signing that Roman Polanski petition), based on a novel by Dennis Lehane. And knowing Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone, a couple episodes of The Wire), it’s probably gonna be really uplifting and life-affirming. When you see a Dennis Lehane movie, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be nothing but laughter and sunshine, kittens and flapjacks.
[in HD at Apple]


You don’t write Tommy from Quinzee, do you?
I thought this movie came out already? Oh well, fuck it, it’s just as easy to ignore regardless.
Didn’t this Scorcese baktag sign that Polanski petition? Yeah? WELL FUCK HIM. Marty ain’t losing a viewer, cuz He never watched his shit anyway.
Martin Scorsese didn’t sign that petition because he likes Roman Polanski. He signed it because he’s a great supporter of the arts… and of fucking 13-year old girls against their will.
“that Roman Polanski petition, based on a novel by Dennis Lehane.”
So that’s why the Polanski story sounded so familiar–it’s based on a Lehane story. The sexual abuse and general mistreatment of children should have tipped me off.
…kittens and flapjacks, strawberry wine and dildos, reefer and fingerbanging, bacon and NASCAR crashes.
Fuck you Max D! Fuck you in teh 13 yr old ass!
These are a few of my favo(u)rite things!
That whole Polanski thing was a misunderstanding. The girl told him she really wanted to see The Pianist.
@Erswi–uh . . . hi?
In Polanski’s defense, he only sodomized the girl because he thought she was a boy.
Faux Pas!
uh…durst?
I have never commented on this site before, but I read it fairly regularly. This post pushed me over the edge into registering.
Freakin’ hilarious, man. That last bit about swimming in winter was great.
Martin? Roman? Van Enthusiast (which could still be Roman depending on the number of windows)?
That picture explains why they pushed back the release of this movie according to Leo’s face he gets chronic sprayfarts everytime he’s exposed to horrible acting, slowing down production.
I about pissed myself reading this.