And now for something crotch-punchingly stupid…

The original prosecutor in the horribly-mishandled Roman Polanski rape case now says he lied when he admitted to inappropriately advising the judge when he was interviewed for the documentary, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired.  His admission of misconduct had been the grounds on which Polanski’s lawyers had argued that the case be dismissed.

Here’s the backstory:  Not that it excuses them, but a lot of the reason so many people defend Roman Polanski is that, (as seen in the documentary), the original judge made a plea deal, which both Polanski and the victim were happy with, that Polanski would undergo a 42-day psychiatric evaluation, after which he would receive no jail time.  But then while he was out on bail, a picture of him at Oktoberfest made the papers, and everyone was pissed because it looked like he was flouting the law and being a rich playboy when he should’ve been in jail.  In the documentary, former prosecutor David Wells said he then advised the judge in the case on how to send Polanski back to prison, which would’ve been illegal.  AND NOW this idiot says he was only kidding when he admitted this in the documentary.  From DailyBeast:

“I lied,” Wells told [Marcia Clark].  “I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. The director of the documentary told me it would never air in the States. I thought it made a better story if I said I’d told the judge what to do.”

Wow.  So… his excuse for admitting professional misconduct in an open case was that A. “I thought it’d make a good story,” and B. “I thought it’d never air in the States.”  That has to be the most idiotic excuse in the history of excuses.  “Yeah, well I was about to bang this hot chick but, uh… I’m impotent!  Yeah, that’s it!  I found out I have a limp weiner!  Isn’t that crazy, you guys?”

Now, keep in mind, all the victim ever wanted from this case was for it to go away, so that she wouldn’t be forever known as “that chick Roman Polanski raped.”  So much so that she agreed to a plan where her rapist wouldn’t serve prison time.  Obviously, that turned out great.

So what really went down in the chambers of publicity-hungry Judge Laurence Rittenband back in 1977? “All that happened was I brought the newspaper with the picture of Polanski at Oktoberfest [before his 42-day evaluation] into court and handed it to the bailiff.  I told the bailiff, ‘Here, give this to the judge.’ Did I know it would tick him off? Yeah. It ticked me off. Polanski was thumbing his nose at everyone.”
“When [Judge] Rittenband saw the photograph of Polanski out on the town…he blew up. Said, ‘Screw the deal, he’s going to state prison.’ And he said it straight to a reporter from The Outlook. Polanski’s lawyer found out about it, of course. And that was that. He never showed up for sentencing.”

And, as if you didn’t already think the LA court system was being run by shady, idiotic, starf’ckers, get a load of what ThePlaylist dug up:

When the documentary originally aired at Sundance and Cannes in early ’08 (and on HBO), the film concluded with a statement that said an agreement had been reached that would have disposed of the case without with no further jail time, but here’s the rub — only if the filmmaker agreed to allow his hearing to be televised.

However, L.A. court officials called this claim, “a complete fabrication,” and called upon HBO to insisting the wording which was changed to, “the court insisted only that the hearing be held in open court.”

How bad is your life when people can’t choose a favorite between you and the guy who raped a 13-year-old girl?  What a mess.  I think the only logical resolution to this case is to get Polanski back into the U.S., bring former prosecutor David Wells out of retirement, and have Kimbo Slice buttf’ck both of them on pay-per-view.

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Who is your favorite alleged sex offender?