10.27.09 PAUL BLART DIRECTOR DOING SHORT CIRCUIT REMAKE

Short Circuit huh? Funny. Thats exactly what I want Kevin James’s pacemaker to do.

Fuck the new technology angle. Make ED-209 the star of this movie and have him do goofy shit like step on the neighbor’s cat and cry about it or finally learn how to walk down stairs set to an 80s music montage.

I want to see the personality he gains after being hit by black lightning. Sassy Ostrich agrees.

Sassy Ostrich says “with excitement like this, who is needing enemas?”

Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning.

Then his buddies turn him on to smack and he becomes lead guitar for Rob Zombie!

So, yeah, they’re bringing back Johnny 5. Fine, but what about Stephanie??

Short Circuit: Mall Cop?

*sticks fork in wall socket to ease the pain*

Number 2 is Alive.

He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family.

Unless they drop him into the middle of a Bronski Beat video, not interested. Johnny 5 was all about the ladies.

That ostrich’s last name is Ostrich! That’s so funny, my last name is Human!

In this one, the young Johnny 5 learns all about love as an Air Force unmanned aerial reconnaissance and attack vehicle is also struck by lightning and develops sentience and an unnatural attraction for the ground-based killbot. Unfortunately, since the Predator has been around since 1995 and Johnny 5 is only one year old, only Roman Polanski can truly understand their love.

You should see the remake they have planned for ‘Batteries Not Included’. I hear the cute sentient alien robots trying to save the run-down tenement full of good crust-of-the-earth people use the parts from a dildo and a fleshlight to make their offspring.

he
hee
heeee
*splooge*

[begins scripting Cloak and Dagger remake]
We’ll rape fuck all of the 80’s yet, by golly!

Lame character Ben Jabituya to be replaced by frightened boy Ben Budipoopfromder.

Johnny 5 was a total heroin junky. You could tell by all the track marks.

so, it´s basically a dreamworks wall-e

Crappy, just replace Dabney Coleman with Gary Coleman and you’re good to go.

Sorry He was gone for a while, after posting that thing about Rob Zombie He had realized that He hadn’t checked out Rob Zombie’s MySpace page for a while and there was a new album announced for Nov. 19 and He came so hard He shot a hole through Superman and had to explain it to Lois Lane.

[finishes Space Camp rewrite with a flourish]

I even left in the stupid fucking robot. “Jink and Max frieeeennndssss.”

OK, Flight of the Navigator is proving difficult to molest. Fuck, it already had Paul Reubens in it as a talking bug plug thingy, where to go with that?

I eagerly await Brett Ratner’s remake of ‘Earth Girls are Easy’.

OK, Flight of the Navigator is proving difficult to molest. Fuck, it already had Paul Reubens in it as a talking bug plug thingy, where to go with that?

Yippe Kai Ay, Mr. Falcon.

Or the GayGay Abrams Buckaroo Bonzai reboot!

*fights off Michael Bay from the rights to The Last Starfighter*

Diablo Cody rehashes Can’t Buy Me Love but makes it about a stripper/prostitute.

Jud Apatow’a Mosquito Coast should be a riot.

Mel Gibson is gonna remake Gremlins only this time the gremlins are British Jews. Starring Sacha Baron Cohen and Mike and Bernie Winters.

Robert Rodriguez is getting his awesome 3D animation guys back together to remake ‘The Goonies’.

Werner Herzog’s WarGames where the supercomputer can’t figure out Tony Hawk’s Board thingy and the world explodes.

The DVD version of this comes with a dead grasshopper as a metaphor.

The Color Purple to be remade by Tyler Perry. Whoopi Goldberg gets to reprise her career defining role because who knows how old that cunt is? Tyler Perry to dress up as his mother again. Soundtrack by Slaughter and the Dogs.

So they hired a guy who writes for “Robot Chicken” to write a movie about a robot? I assume the executives thought this was relevant because they believed “Robot Chicken” was some kind of remake of “Small Wonder”.

If they were going to hire someone simply because they were involved in writing something with the word “Robot” in the title that wasn’t actually robot related, I assure you they would have gotten a better script if they had hired RoboPanda.

OMG you guys! Creed released a new album today!!!!

When you come off a Kevin James hit you smell of corn syrup and have sprinkles stuck in your butt…or so I’ve heard.

Mmmmm….sprinkles.

Realising that not even he could make it suck any harder, George Lucas announces he’ll be remaking Howard the Duck.

I don’t know. ucci Sneak, i just don’t know.