10.27.09 PAUL BLART DIRECTOR DOING SHORT CIRCUIT REMAKE
A remake of Short Circuit is a really good idea, as you can see from this quote by one of the producers:
We’re bringing Number 5 into the 21st Century and taking advantage of the improvements in robotics that are so massive that robots are now performing heart surgeries in hospitals,” Producer David Foster said. [Variety]
And in case you still had any doubts about a remake, don’t. They hired the director of Paul Blart: Mall Cop to direct it. He’s Sassy Ostrich’s favorite.
Dimension Films has signed Steve Carr to direct “Short Circuit,” the remake of the 1986 sci-fi pic. Carr is coming off the Kevin James hit “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Scripted by Dan Milano (”Robot Chicken”), the remake is a robot reboot that brings the iconic Johnny 5 into the 21st century. Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning. He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family. [Variety]
Look, I have as fond of memories of Johnny 5 as the next guy, especially the time those Puerto Ricans taught him how to steal car stereos. But calling Johnny 5 “iconic” is like saying The Noid is an American institution.
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There are 38 comments about:
PAUL BLART DIRECTOR DOING SHORT CIRCUIT REMAKE
Short Circuit huh? Funny. Thats exactly what I want Kevin James’s pacemaker to do.
Fuck the new technology angle. Make ED-209 the star of this movie and have him do goofy shit like step on the neighbor’s cat and cry about it or finally learn how to walk down stairs set to an 80s music montage.
I want to see the personality he gains after being hit by black lightning. Sassy Ostrich agrees.
Sassy Ostrich says “with excitement like this, who is needing enemas?”
Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning.
Then his buddies turn him on to smack and he becomes lead guitar for Rob Zombie!
So, yeah, they’re bringing back Johnny 5. Fine, but what about Stephanie??
Short Circuit: Mall Cop?
*sticks fork in wall socket to ease the pain*
Number 2 is Alive.
He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family.
Unless they drop him into the middle of a Bronski Beat video, not interested. Johnny 5 was all about the ladies.
That ostrich’s last name is Ostrich! That’s so funny, my last name is Human!
In this one, the young Johnny 5 learns all about love as an Air Force unmanned aerial reconnaissance and attack vehicle is also struck by lightning and develops sentience and an unnatural attraction for the ground-based killbot. Unfortunately, since the Predator has been around since 1995 and Johnny 5 is only one year old, only Roman Polanski can truly understand their love.
You should see the remake they have planned for ‘Batteries Not Included’. I hear the cute sentient alien robots trying to save the run-down tenement full of good crust-of-the-earth people use the parts from a dildo and a fleshlight to make their offspring.
he
hee
heeee
*splooge*
[begins scripting Cloak and Dagger remake]
We’ll rape fuck all of the 80’s yet, by golly!
Lame character Ben Jabituya to be replaced by frightened boy Ben Budipoopfromder.
Johnny 5 was a total heroin junky. You could tell by all the track marks.
so, it´s basically a dreamworks wall-e
Crappy, just replace Dabney Coleman with Gary Coleman and you’re good to go.
Sorry He was gone for a while, after posting that thing about Rob Zombie He had realized that He hadn’t checked out Rob Zombie’s MySpace page for a while and there was a new album announced for Nov. 19 and He came so hard He shot a hole through Superman and had to explain it to Lois Lane.
[finishes Space Camp rewrite with a flourish]
I even left in the stupid fucking robot. “Jink and Max frieeeennndssss.”
OK, Flight of the Navigator is proving difficult to molest. Fuck, it already had Paul Reubens in it as a talking bug plug thingy, where to go with that?
I eagerly await Brett Ratner’s remake of ‘Earth Girls are Easy’.
OK, Flight of the Navigator is proving difficult to molest. Fuck, it already had Paul Reubens in it as a talking bug plug thingy, where to go with that?
Yippe Kai Ay, Mr. Falcon.
Or the GayGay Abrams Buckaroo Bonzai reboot!
*fights off Michael Bay from the rights to The Last Starfighter*
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