10.06.09 ‘KARATE DOG’ EVERYTHING YOU COULD WANT
Today’s forgotten classic is 2004’s Karate Dog, and it may be the best thing I’ve ever posted. It’s a REAL FILM. Called KARATE DOG. And don’t worry about it departing too much from the Karate Kid mythology, because it also has Pat Morita, there to lend it credibility. Pat Morita, Chevy Chase as the dog, and literally everything I’ve ever wanted in a movie:
- Dog in a fake mustache and glasses
- Dog driving a red convertible
- Dog listening to rock n’ roll in red convertible
- Dog feeding Simon Rex lines during his date with Jaime Pressly via radio (because the dog is cool, and knows all about what chicks like to hear, you see)
- REER!
- Doggy lounge band
- Doggy conga line
- Dogs playing poker
- Black dog scamming on some white bitches in a hot tub
- Dog scratching his OWN RECORDS
With all this and more packed into just two minutes of trailer, you might realistically wonder whether they ever actually show a dog doing karate. DO THEY EVER. And might I add, JON VOIGHT. This movie makes my leg involuntarily kick the ground in pleasure. The tragedy here is that this is probably the first and last time I’ll ever need a “Simon Rex” tag.
[Thanks to Patrick for the tip]
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There are 46 comments about:
‘KARATE DOG’ EVERYTHING YOU COULD WANT
They play this movie at intermission time in Chinese theaters with the song “Ret’s all go to da robby”.
Show me, Sit!
Show me, Stay!
Show me, Roll Over!
Show me, Scoot Butt Across Carpet!
Karate here!
*points to dog’s head*
Karate here!
*points to dog’s heart*
Karate never here!
*rubs dog’s nose in poop on carpet*
Sweep the hind leg!
Karate Dog gets in trouble for chewing up Elisabeth Shue.
What the…?
[Freebases hand sanitizer]
Oh, I get it! HAHAHAA!!
Dog feeding Simon Rex lines during his date with Jaime Pressly via radio (because the dog is cool, and knows all about what chicks like to hear, you see)
Cyrano de Bergerac did have quite the nose…
When Karate Dog gets on the scene, the villans all flea.
In the sequel he’ll be an MMA fighter and master of Brazilian ju shih tzu.
Karate Dog is unstopable when he unleashes his furry.
I thought you said the Hong Kong Phooey film was still in development?
Nothing enrages Karate Dog more than getting kicked in the nueticals.
Karate Dog spends his days kicking ass and his nights chasing tail.
Karate Dog hates when people trash talk him. He really needs to watch his diss-temper.
Karate Dog’s hero was Bruce Flea.
Why do I feel like Karate Dog loves Huey Lewis and the News?
There is no REER! in this dojo!
San Francisco’s
China Towntransgendered call girls hold a HAIRY secretYeah. A delicious, buttery secret.
Karate Dog was the Four Fingered Exploding Hartz Red Rocket by master Shar Pei.
Uproxx(xxxx!!!) ate my ‘taught’!
‘Karate Dog’ Has everything I could want, Eh? spreads Creamy Jif on genitals We’ll see. Weeeee’ll see.
What’s wrong with these people? They had me sown up and then they throw in that fake-ass wire fu crap and make it completely unbelievable.
The Donkey Hodey Short, Short Version of Karate Dog.
Karate Dog: I’m gonna pound you until you roll over and beg for mercy.
Donk: Here, want a Hershey’s bar?
Fin
See it’s funny because he throws everything at him, even the kitchen sink.
Let’s play a game. Everyone go to imdb.com and see if this is in fact the low point of Jon Voight’s career.
Alternate title- From the same idiots who brought you Meet the Spartans: “Dog Movie”
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