10.14.09 I’M SURE THIS WON’T BE PRETENTIOUS

Whoa. That hits a little too close to home. I made a Powerpoint for an office presentation one time. It was displayed on a plasma screen. Then, like 3 days later, one of my coworkers killed* himself. Now that’s art.

*I slit his wrists

You’ll be sorry! You’ll ALL be sorry!

(if you watch this movie)

Banner Pic: The CIA’s last photograph of the couple, as taken by 2 Mormon agents.

I want a BLT for lunch.

I once tried to commit suicide by hanging myself. It didn’t work. I didn’t die, I just came really hard.

Romeo & Juliet Must Die.

What in Kahless’ Beard is a “video game designer for girls”? If they mean the fucking idiots that make shit like Barbie riding ponies into video games, then, yeah, He would probably kill Himself, too!

How I Found Your Mother.

I once tried to commit suicide by putting a plastic bag over my head but it kept ruining my hairdo.

I once tried to commit suicide by shooting myself, but I couldn’t figure out how to get the thingamajig into the doohickey.

Hopefully this sparks a boost in scarf sales for the sole purpose of hanging.

I once tried to commit suicide by crashing my car into a tree, but by the time I was done applying my make up, I had forgotten what I was going to do.

Here’s to hoping Gus Van Sant and Bret Easton Ellis follow’s Duncan and Blake’s example.

Here’s to hoping when Blake finds her body, he looks at the camera with a silly surprised face with one eyebrow up. Then we hear a really sweet record scratch.

I walked into the Atlantic Ocean once. Then I boogie boarded back in, mother fucka!

Blake thought Theresa was joking when she said “I’d rather die than be an aging hipster married to a guy whose looks can only be described as…Russel Brandish”.

Here’s to hoping that instead of walking into the Atlantic Ocean, he walks into Atlantic Boulevard. And splatters his last piece of art onto a pickup truck containing fourteen mexicans.

Then the mexicans look at the camera with a silly surprised face with one eyebrow up. Then we hear a really sweet record scratch.

Horatio(Standing on beach over Blake’s body): Looks like someone was trying to stay a little…(Puts on sunglasses)…too current.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHH!!!

I once considered committing suicide in the ocean, but I look terrible in a bathing suit.

Horatio: Who is she?

Officer: Her name is Theresa Duncan. She was the first female video game designer.

Horatio(Puts on sunglasses): Well, thats one way to play Halo.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!

Chino, I would disagree wiff you but first I will need photographic or video evidence.

Studies show that suicide rates triple during marathon viewings of Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes.

Golden Suicide sounds like when someone drowns from a Golden Shower.

I thought the ultimate film school cliche’ was being a nonsensical, pretentious asshole. I must be out of the loop.

“The couple descended into a paranoid spiral when the artists developed a consuming belief that government and religious organizations were conspiring against them.”

Wow, they must have been a very self-absorbed couple.

Horatio: So what do we got?

Examiner: The victim’s name is Jeremy Blake, a well known artist.

Horatio: What’s his M.O.?

Examiner: He was a very paranoid man. He believed that the government was monitoring him, so he killed himself by walking directly into the ocean.

Horatio: I guess he decided *puts on sunglasses* to drown his sorrows.

YEAAHHHHHHHH!

Theresa Duncan tried to kill herself before and was unsuccessful. She accidently used the konami code.

“She was one of the first videogame designers for girls.”

Somewhere, Cooking Mama is mourning.

What’s with all the Elephant bashing lately? I liked Elephant, and even Gerry. If you want to see a shitty Gus Van Sant movie see “Finding Forrester” or God Will Hunting or Even Cowgirls get the Blues (most everything else he’s done besides those are pretty good).

Bug (by The Exorcist director William Friedkin) is the same story and came out in 2006. How dare these assholes plagiarize his work for their own double suicide.

Walking into the ocean? Christ, how dramatic. Why couldn’t he have just jumped out a window like normal people?