10.30.09 DEATH, CANCER – THE CRAPPY NEWS ROUND UP
Dennis Hopper’s manager confirmed that the 73-year-old has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and will be canceling all commitments to focus on treatment — a story USA Today chose to accompany with this banner ad asking “who is pop culture’s biggest mover and shaker?” with pictures of Kate Gosselin, Ivanka Trump, and Khloe Kardashian. Maybe it was their subtle way of saying, “Perhaps not being alive right now wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
Manager Sam Maydew says the 73-year-old actor and artist is being treated through a “special program” at the University of Southern California. Asked about Hopper’s prognosis, Maydew said, “We’re hoping for the best.”
In related (crappy) news, Nic Cage’s father (and Francis Ford Coppola’s brother), August Coppola, died of a heart attack yesterday at age 75.
Coppola taught literature and served as dean of creative arts at San Francisco State University. Besides Cage, Coppola is survived by sons Christopher and Marc and three grandchildren.
So that’s pretty crappy. Making a joke about this would be in pretty poor taste, so I’ll simply go out on a limb here and say that Weston Coppola Cage will be wearing black to the funeral.
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There are 27 comments about:
DEATH, CANCER – THE CRAPPY NEWS ROUND UP
FUCK CANCER!
Pop quiz hotshot, you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer of the prostate. What do you do?
Shoot the hostage. Don’t have one? Shoot someone else.
73? Prostate cancer? Normally that wouldn’t even warrant treatment. Let it run its course.
No, prostate cancer.
I’m curious if anyone knows where Peter Fonda is to ask what he thinks about this. Truth of the matter is, Dennis Hopper has lived enough for four lifetimes. He’s a badass, and I hope he kicks cancers metaphorical ass.
In other news, Jon Gosling is still healthy and alive. I love the world.
Hopefully it’s not “Cancer cancer”.
HAPPY HALLOWEEND GUYS!!
USC wasn’t in charge of Swayze’s “special treatment” were they?
Sorry, I forgot to write “prostate” before cancer there…
Man, this is a sad coppola news stories.
They would have caught it sooner, but Hopper is such a hardass that the doc could never get his fingers far enough in there to check his prostate.
Man, prostate cancer is a real pain in the ass.
Only two kinds of men in this world, men with prostate cancer and men who will get prostate cancer.
Happy Halloween !
I once had prostrate cancer. Really knocked me on my face!
Upon hearing the news Hopper jumped up on the exame table and yelled, “Zap it with your sirens, man! Zap it with your sirens!” Then explained how you can’t go into space with fractions or land on same.
To try to keep his risk low, Tom Cruise has been taking prostate injections as often as he can. I don’t want to get too technical, but there aren’t any needles involved.
Prostate cancer runs in my family so my doctor keeps real close tabs on us. He is very insistent that I come in weekly for check ups.
Shhhhhh, did you hear that?
*whispers*
footsteps.
i do my own prostate exams, im not gonna let cancer sneak up on me
You using the whole fist, Doc?
Moooooon Riiiiveeeeerrrr
Uhhh, Chino. I dunno how to tell you this but . . . chicks don’t have a prostate.
Sorry.
What? We don’t? Well, fuck me in the ass!!
*in the latest edition of “Day Late and a Dollar Short”*
“Hey, where can I find some of them Twilight panties?”
“Oh, they’re in aisle 6…right next to the Roman Polanski themed juvenile suppositories and R Kelley themed Depends Undergarments!”
“Thanks, dude! QAPLAH!”
Even worse, the tumor is part eggplant.
I mean, what are they going to say, man, when he’s gone, huh? Because he dies, when it dies, man, when it dies, he dies. What are they going to say about him? What, are they going to say, he was a kind man, he was a wise man, he had plans, he had wisdom?
Yes.
Good luck Dennis.
Busey Time!!
Prostate cancer huh? This won’t be an Easy Ride.
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