COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
10.12.09
(I feel like this picture is somehow related. Source = WSJ)
It was business as usual last week on FilmDrunk, so I say we get right into it, and Mr. Snuggles agrees. (Mr. Snuggles is my .38.). From BOONDOCK SAINTS 2: PRAYING AND SHOOTING:
Chodin says: FACT: Troy Duffy puts baseball cards on his lifted truck rims.
From Troy Duffy/Praying and shooting we move to Stephenie Meyer and the Hot Topic Twilight New Moon Collection, or praying and not shooting, one might say, if one was attempting to appear humorous.
Chino Moreno says: The hoodies won’t keep you very warm as the zippers won’t go all the way.
Meanwhile, The Mighty Fek’lhr practices method acting in RENEE ZELLWEGER IS TOO LAZY TO GET FAT FOR BRIDGET JONES DIARY 3:
Fek’lhr says:
You want fat Renee Zellweger?
*tucks dick, squints*
TA-DA!
Vodka took the same post and went a different direction:
Vodka says:
Dear Diary,
*rest of page covered in mustard*
Sometimes simple is good. That’s why I only date women with Downs. Next, Donkey Hodey takes the KARATE DOG post as an opportunity for Karate Kid parody.
Donkey Hodey says: Karate here!
*points to dog’s head*
Karate here!
*points to dog’s heart*
Karate never here!
*rubs dog’s nose in poop on carpet*
Get it? Because it’s a dog.
Donkey Hodey says: Karate Dog gets in trouble for chewing up Elisabeth Shue.
Get it? Because Elisabeth Shue was in Karate Kid. Elsewhere, DavidNowacki helped explain Roman Polanski receiving a star on the Polish Walk of Fame in Warsaw:
davidnowacki says: We Polish are celebrating Mr. Polanski for his successful copulation with American woman. We did not even realize he was filmmaker.
Then I posted a trailer for The Messenger, about Woody Harrelson notifying deceased soldiers’ next of kin. Which naturally turned into a dead-soldier joke thread. This isn’t the most PC bunch, or the most tasteful, or… that other stuff well-adjusted people are always talking about.
Donkey Hodey says: “Ma’am, I’m afraid your son is dead and that white men can’t jump.”
Morton Salt “What’s got two thumbs and came here to tell you your son was blown to pieces by an IED? THIS GUY!”
Also, “Here are the thumbs, ma’am. That’s all that was left.”
Good times, good times. Naturally, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s oatmeal smiley face was also good comment fodder.
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: “You ah one healthy muddafukkah”
Vodka says: “I’ll be balanced.”
Donkey Hodey says: The bananas and strawberries are actually presented whole, they only appear in that final form after he yells at them to GET TO DA CHOPPAH.
Later in the week, Nick Nolte’s son, Brawley, child star of Ransom, got busted for DUI.
Jacktion! says: When reached for comment, Mel Gibson said “GIVE ME BACK MY SON!”
And finally, this week’s winner. It’s hard to pick the funniest, because they were all funny. I just thought this one had a style all its own. From Gina Carano’s camel toe is movie related:
JHC says: I’ll bet her Kegel muscles are so strong that you have to boil her in water to get her clam to open.
That’s just an impressive visual. I’d never heard anyone make the connection between clam as vagina slang and the method for opening clams before. And you know what? It was kind of a turn on. Keep up the good work (for FilmDrunk – as far as your actual jobs, keep up the shirking and procrastination).

Congrats JHC. Any way I could get an advance on forgiveness this week? I spent it all yesterday cursing your name.
I actually had a good time of it yesterday Donk, as the Saints are off this week.
Saturday however? Diffrent story altogether. F’n refs killed any chance the crap ass Tigers may have had at beating the Gators. Wait, are we on WithoutLaughter? My bad.
You are most certainly forgiven, Donk. With the week you’ve just had, what with you being a Missourian and all. Have the Blues been shitting the bed, too?
J, I’m a Kansan. Does it change the forgiveness thing if I’m a Braves fan who’s glad that Mizzou lost to Nebraska and wants the Blues to lose as many games as possible?
Rot in hell, fucknuts.
Wow.
I loved this exchange:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/toy-story-3-trailer
Jacktion! says:
I fucking hate all of you.
spazmodic October 13th, 2009 at 12:04 am
spazmodic says:
I’m hate fucking all of you.
ChinoMoreno October 13th, 2009 at 12:25 am
ChinoMoreno says:
I love Jack!
spazmodic October 13th, 2009 at 12:36 am
spazmodic says:
I love Jacking!
As much as it pains me to do this, this made me LOL even though I wasn’t LOL’d at first
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/trailer-for-women-in-bras#comments
Burnsy
A movie titled Women In Trouble should be about dinner not being ready when I get home.
Second Burnsy’s classic misogyny.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/the-loop-parrot-movie#more-19947
ATidyLittleSum says:
A Parrot? I’d rather try and get Rachel Nichols involved in a film with a CockorTwo.
What would we have joked about without David Carradine?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/im-sure-this-wont-be-pretentious#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
I once tried to commit suicide by hanging myself. It didn’t work. I didn’t die, I just came really hard.
second chino´s orgasmo.
@Tidy: maybe michael hutchance?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/new-behind-the-scenes-iron-man-2-video#comments
Donk (and not just cuz ‘Swi told me to)
Roman Polanski’s polish sausage is rated PG-13.
(The PG stands for Pounding Girls)
Second. And she did do it because I told her so. You don’t see any black eyes, do ya?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/tracy-morgan-karate-daily-circle-jerk#comments
DeFrank says:
“inadequate mail” is what i get every day between the day that I win an auction on ebay and the day that I receive said item.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/mel-gibson-edge-of-darkness#comments
Stinky Peet-
Some executive at Dunkin Donuts just realized the product placement potential here and shit a chahklit crullah.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/jon-favreau-not-directing-avengers#comments
Chareth Cutestory:
By day, Ted Nugent’s just an everyday crossbow enthusiast prone to eating dear hearts. By night? A drunk version of what I just wrote.
2nd Cutestory. That was awesome.
Well Done.
http://bit.ly/3s0bv
Jirish
They saw each other at the premier and had an interpretive dance battle.
“You’ve just been served, by a below average butler” *raises pinky*
I like this thread already.
RoboPanda
Wes Anderson’s youtube name is ~TweeWes Sweater Vests 4eva RIP Elliott Smith~.
Chareth Cutestory
Their slap fights are in slow motion and set to the latest from the Fleet Foxes.
Donkey Hodey
They then had a “yo momma’s so corpulent” battle.
Wes won it with “Yo momma’s so corpulent, her blood type is raspberry au jus.”
Chareth Cutestory
There’s only one way to settle this. Dirigible race.
2nd Donk’s corpulent battle.
2nd Donk’s corpulent battle as well. The “raspberry au jus” is brilliant.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/channing-tatum-dear-john&cp=1#comment-224232
Chareth Cutestory says:
Nugent auditioned after misreading the script as “John Deere.” Upon realizing the mistake, he punched the casting director and shoulder-rolled out the window.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/channing-tatum-dear-john
Burnsy
“Hey girl, you like, wanna fuck?”
“Hey girl, um, I want to grab your titties or something.”
“Hey girl, like, I’ll get the car door for you, because you’ve got my jizz all over your hand.”
“Hey girl, if your brother’s going to keep, like, asking me to play his Wii, I’m gonna knock him the fuck out.”
I nominate every single comment Burnsy made in the Channing Tatum/Dear John thread.
Rage Against the Bromance
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/bromance-is-like-a-thing-now
DeFrank says:
So now I’m rollin’ down Brodeo with a shotgun,
these people ain’t seen a,
long sleeve shirt
since their grandparents bought ‘em one.
Second DeFrank
*swoon*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/bromance-is-like-a-thing-now?cp=2#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
Re-team Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in Bromancing the Stone.
What? Have you seen her lately??
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/bromance-is-like-a-thing-now?cp=2#comments
Stinky Peet says:
I bet all three of the guys in that banner pic can get a brah off with one hand.
Boy for a week that started with two noms in three days, we’ve sure picked things up a notch. Third DeFrank’s Rage Against the Brachine lyric, and add this one from Fek:
The Mighty Feklahr is certain one of these guys has a mer-men tattoo…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/breaking-kid-re-enacting-up-in-helium-ship
From the “Kid Re-enacting Up” thread. Pithy and timely.
Donkey Hodey says:
Bro the humanity!
Chino for the entire Michael Jackson Jesus thread. Pick one.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/falcon-never-flew-wakka-wakka-wakka
ChinoMoreno says:
I guess Michael Jackson Jesus didn’t need a 6 yr old boy today after all.
I’m picking this one from Chino:
ChinoMoreno says:
Michael Jackson likes openings no bigger than Harry Potter.
Count me in for a number 2 on Harry Potters opening.
*smirk*
I pick this one:
Michael Jackson Jesus calls his little black book his book of hims.
(Chino, duh!)
ATidyLittleSum on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/drunk-at-convenient-store
This is like a redneck version of a Jamiroquai video.
Stinky Pete from Ether thread:
“Say there son, you need some help?”
“…yeeaahhhhh…”
“You, uh… ya look like yer on sumptin’ strong there.”
“…yeeaahhhhh…”
“So… which is it, young feller, drugs or booze?”
“….ether…”
“I gotta pick one? You’re the one what took it, not me.”
“… noooo…. ETHER…”
“Well okay… I’m guess’n I’d pick booze on account of…”
“FOR FUCKS SAKE OLD MAN JUST HELP ME PUT THE BONES BACK IN MY LEGS!!”
Sorry I never nominate. I don’t understand html tags. When I was a boy a desperado came to my village and stole all of our html tags and replaced them with Amiga 500s.
Second ATidyLittleSum
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/sense-and-sensibility-and-mexicans?cp=2#comments
ATidyLittleSum says:
A film about how good it is to be John Malkovich
Bien John Malkovich
I third LittleSum’s video. Holy fuck that was perfect.
JHC, watching the video now, it’s fucking uncanny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJmX1z1NY2c
Hate to pile on, by ATidyLittleSum’s “redneck Jamiroquai video” killed me.
Second deFrank’s Brodeo Rage ref.
Also, in Ryan Reynolds is Sooooo Dreamy!!
Stinky Peet says – Great news, I just sold an option (two figures against three figures) on my “capuchin monkeys humping iPhones”
scriptpitch. FOX Searchlight wants to call it There’s an Ape For That.http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/australia-haadens-up-green-lantern-moves#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
Don’t worry guys, Australians have a long history of throwing stuff out only to have it come right back to them.
and
Chareth Cutestory
Industry sources here suggest “Green Lantern” will move to Mexico or Canada.
The only things that gets shot in Mexico or Canada is white people and elk.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/cockroaches-and-saw-movies
Fek’lhr says:
The Mighty Feklahr would rather have Paul Reubens come into the audience.
Right before He detonates the theater.
Donk gets the nom for reading my mind on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/serious-moonlight-trailer
When’s the movie about the Ecuadorian immigrant killing the quirky white woman going to come out?
crap runs unopposed
Donkey Hodey says:
*Sits on log by campfire, throws powder in the flames that makes it flare up*
For the consideration of the Midnight Society, I present ‘Steven Spielberg and the Haunted DVD’
*Gets kicked in the shin by 13 year old girl and reminded that I’m not allowed within 500 yards of their campfire anymore*
SHARK!
Donkey Hodey says:
The first thing a Shark in Italy does to its victim is to bite off his hands, that way he can’t call for help.
I think I went to college with this dude (he didn’t graduate)
Jacktion! says:
And now, another one of FilmDrunk’s Real Men of Ether
REAL MEN OF EEEEEEEEEETHEEEERRR
This one’s for you, Morning Liquor Store Frequenter
MORNING LIQUOR STORE FREQUENTER
You tirelessly attempt to stand up in vain
HELP ME, MEDIC ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEERT
reynolds-in-drag
Stinky Peet says:
Great news, I just sold an option (two figures against three figures) on my “capuchin monkeys humping iPhones”
scriptpitch. FOX Searchlight wants to call it There’s an Ape For That.