(Whoa, hold on, you mean to tell me there’s a “World Dwarf Games” and no one told me about it?)

Seems fitting that we start with Roman Polanski comments, since I rode that news pony like it was your mom last week.  From A BUNCH OF IDIOTS SIGN ROMAN POLANSKI petition:

Stone Soup says: 
To honor Polanski’s legendary artistry, the group has announced that the next three film festivals will feature bottomless popcorn boxes.

From ROMAN POLANSKI ARRESTED IN SWITZERLAND (which Sienna Miller recently derided as “Shitzerland”):

Evil Taco says: Leave it to the swiss to find a way to make him stop . . .
*puts on sunglasses*
Roman.
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Same post:

Donkey Hodey says:
[Swiss prisoner walks into showers to see his cellmate raping Roman Polanski]
Prisoner 1: Holy sh’t, man. You’re ass-raping Roman Polanski!
Prisoner 2: Yeah, I know, it’s good too.
Prisoner 1: I get that, but why are you also giving him drugs and taking pictures?
Prisoner 2: When in Roman . . .

Oh Donk, if you were a national landmark, you’d be Mount Cleverest.

Burnsy says: “Fine, France, then how about you take O.J. Simpson, too?”
France: “Whoa, easy there, d’ck.”

From serious Roman Polanski news, we move into serious Terror at Blood Fart Lake news:

Vodka says: The Wal-Mart in Blood Fart Lake wins the underwear sales record every year.

And another thing, Blood Fart Lake was a terrible ballet.  From Blood Fart Lake we move to 1900 make you cry:

Donkey Hodey says:
Donk: Hello? Make-you-cry hotline? Yeah, so I’ve only got 25 cents. What do you have for me?
Operator: They’re making a Viewmaster movie and there are people who still value Madonna’s opinions.
Donk: Thanks.
*bawls*

Next up, the Twilight board game:

Token Black Guy says: I may just buy one if only for its ability to lure both teenage girls and lonely undersexed older women.

Yes, perhaps we’ve been unfairly ignoring that angle.  Meanwhile, Stinky Peet had all the answers in the ACTUAL PREMISE: HUGH JACKMAN TO TRAIN ROBOT BOXER thread:

Stinky Peet says: Hugh Jackman finds the discarded robot on the waterfront, mumbling over and over, “I coulda been a Nintendah…”

Stinky Peet says: “Short me, Mick.”

Somehow, the Book of Eli trailer turned into a thread about Hobo Jesus.

Michelle07 says: Hobo Jesus turns EVERYTHING into wine.

Rock Strongo says: Hobo Jesus was a carpenter until this damn recession started.

And finally, the winner is ChinoMoreno, who was unarguably on fire last week.  There’s a cream for that, you know.

Polanski
ChinoMoreno says: Drugs, booze and non consensual sex? That’s what I call ‘date night’.

[Editor's note: that one wouldn't have been nearly as funny if Chino wasn't a girl.]

Blood Energy Drink
ChinoMoreno says: You should try to B more +.

ChinoMoreno says: Unlike their purchasers, these pouches come in a box.

Not Your Grandma’s A2M Movie
ChinoMoreno says: I couldn’t really enjoy my Grandma’s ATM movie because her Jitterbug kept ringing through the whole thing.

Book of Eli/Hobo Jesus
ChinoMoreno says: All those times you only saw one set of footprints in the dirt by the railroad tracks? Yep, Hobo Jesus was carrying you.

ChinoMoreno says: Hobo Jesus holds a sign that says ‘Will work for food, but expects a raise on the third day’

I think it was “expects a raise on the third day” that clinched it.  Well done all, and chalk up another one for the drunkettes.