10.02.09 ACTUAL PREMISE:THE ROCK PLAYS TOOTH FAIRY

This idea certainly came from a cavity.

Better things to look for:

- Shirtless Rock. FUCK MIKE that’s hott.

I will take a rooty poo on this movie.

So are they cheering for the character from In Living Color? (please tell me I’m not the only one who gets that reference).

Cat: “REEER!”

I think that one line sums up RMS’s life and career.

w00t! New rape van!
http://thatwillbuffout.com/2009/10/01/funny-car-photos-soup-for-the-whole-family/#comments

HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THE TOOTH FAIRY PLAYS HOCKEY!!! THEY DON’T HAVE TEETH!!! Fuck you, Randi.

HaHa! DNA loves it when you divert traffic from his site. LOL ROTFJO!!

Let’s not talk about hockey today.

I have christened my pecker, Down the Dwain Johnston.

Swirly baby paste :(

Career Amnesia Dust, that’s how THIS works.

Listen, jabroni, know your role and floss your mouth!

They should have made him play for the Maple Leafs, that way they could have guaranteed that his character had an extra two months to do his Tooth Fairy thing during the playoffs.

Ironically after watching that it feels like I got my teeth knocked out.

Yeah, I’m going to see this like Luongo saw the puck last night.

BOOSH!

Wait, that wasn’t funny.

I could have used Vesa Toskala, but I’m pretty sure most people in America think that’s some sort of Voodoo curse.

“Its like your brain is in the penalty box.”

Thats the first time I actually cringed from a line in a movie since….the next 20 lines in this trailer.

The Cat Away actually made me laugh.

I bet it was the “REEER!” and not the cat away. “REEER!” always makes me laugh.

BTK, Bruns….VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The Easter Bunny thinks this is queer.

Back in the 90s, I remember Schwarzenegger on Oprah’s show talking about a movie he was in negotiations for where he’d play a tooth fairy. There were “funny” bits, like how he’d shrink down to a tiny little fairy but still couldn’t get through a keyhole because of his muscles. This must be the same thing, only someone decided Randi needed to do a rewrite. When I heard him talk about it, I thought it was hilarious and awesome. I was a stupid kid.

*feels end of the week pressure to be funny for COTW*

*still can’t think of anything for this*

I was heartbroken when I got old enough to learn that the fingernail fairy was bullshit.

Sure, I need to see this lime I need a root canal. . . DAMN YOU RANDHI MAN-I-AM SINGER!!!!

The Tallahassee Times raves “This family comedy is so sweet, you’ll get a toothache!”

Julie Andrews’ Greatest Hits: Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, The Tooth Fairy.

What the fuck, woman?

It is fitting that Rock’s signature move was called Rock Bottom.

They originally wanted Chris Pronger to play this role, but he panicked when he saw all the funny symbols on the script, climbed a tree, and started flinging feces. They had to call in Brian Burke to grunt at him soothingly until he could be convinced that those were letters and words and he was supposed to read them. He responded by raising his eyebrows, tilting his head, and saying to his handler “Chris…Read?”

Producers wanted to bring in Wayne Gretzky to teach the Rock how at least look like he had any clue about how to play hockey.

Unfortunately, Wayne wasn’t able to do that for the Phoenix Coyotes either.

Gretzky has been dead to me since he left the Blues. You shall not mention him again.

Remember Gretzky for playing with the Blues is like remembering that O.J. Simpson played for the 49ers.

Don’t you judge me…

Confession that no one will give a shit about time:

The wrestling fan in me cries seeing this banner pic. The Rock leaving wrestling is what has caused wrestling to die these past few years. He was heir apparent to the “top spot” of the wrestling industry, and he turned his back on it.

You see, every generation in pro-wrestling has their “champion”, and I don’t mean the guy with the belt. I am talking about their “top guy”, their main attraction, the headliner. Using the WWF/WWE as an example, you can trace the generational “headliner” back through guys like The Undertaker, Hulk Hogan, and Andre the Giant. The Rock was the guy, the only guy, that could pick up this torch and keep wrestling moving forward. He had his hitch, he was over like rover with the fans and I bet his name alone could still sell out a venue even to this day.

Now, without any sort of competitive market AND no headliner, wrestling is just the shits. Until a Phoenix rises out of the ashes of the current wrestling industry, I am going to be left wondering what could have been with The Rock.

BTW, I realize there aren’t many wrestling fans here, but at least a couple of you know what I mean.

Mats Sundin will have a cameo in this movie as a fan who wears a Superman t-shirt and suspenders yelling “HEY YOU GUUUYYYSSS!”

It probably was the “REEER!”. I find it amazing that there is only a handful of stock sound effects from the 50’s that just get used over and over and over for decades.

The exception being the famous and always awesome Wilhelm scream.

Fek, that makes my confession about rubbing one out while crying and listening to Air Supply seem normal.

I don’t like wrestling but I actually do like Dwayne Johnson in movies (nothing recent of course). I wish they’d stop giving him the RSM roles however.

new up

You know, Analyze This was on TV last week and I was thinking to myself “Where the hell has Billy Crystal been? He was a funny motherfucker at times.”

Then I saw this trailer and was reminded of Analyze That.

Kill me now