10.06.09 ACADEMY VOTER ASKS NOTED IDIOT FOR ADVICE
(”Film of the century!” declared Retard Pig)
The Oscar vote is a little more complicated this year now with 10 choices for Best Picture instead of five, so I can understand how an academy member might be overwhelmed. But that’s no excuse for doing what one did, which was apparently to ask Pete effing Hammond for advice. Hammond writes:
The other day I got a call from an academy member who had just received a list of October entries in the official academy member weekend screening series. She asked if I thought particular titles she had never even heard of were worth checking out. Those included “We Live in Public,” a documentary about the Internet; “Disgrace,” a barely released post-apartheid drama; “Good Hair,” a Chris Rock riff on African American hairstyles; “Bronson,” a violent prison drama about a guy whose altar-ego is the actor Charles Bronson; “Gentlemen Broncos,” a teen comedy; “Astro Boy,” an animated film based on an old TV cartoon series; the multi-segmented ”New York I Love You” and a horror film, “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.” None of these movies are likely to be found on any pundits list of potential Oscar contenders. [LaTimes via MovieLine]
No arguments there, at least if he’s only talking about Best Picture. But keep in mind, Pete Hammond is eFilmcritic’s 2008 Whore of the Year, one of those sham critics whose quotes you see in horrible movie trailers and think, “Who the hell would’ve had the balls to admit liking that out loud, let alone in print?” Pete Hammond is that guy.
Just yesterday I was watching TV and an ad for The Proposal DVD came on with a huge quote that said “The year’s best comedy!” with the critic in tiny print. I had to rewind to see who it was — Pete Hammond, of course. Here are some of his other gems dingleberries:
The Answer Man - A sparkling, wickedly funny comedy.
My One and Only - An exceptionally good comedy.
Confessions of a Shopaholic - Hilarious! Confessions is a nonstop laughing spree.
Monsters vs. Aliens - The year’s funniest comedy.
Up - The funniest movie of the summer.
The Proposal - Riotously funny! The Proposal is without question the year’s best comedy.
There you have it. Up is the funniest movie of the summer, but not of the year, because that was Monsters vs. Aliens, which although funnier, is still not the best comedy. Because any idiot knows that was The Proposal. Jesus, what does a guy have to do to lose credibility these days?
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/stevemartin-alecbaldwin-150x150.jpg)
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There are 19 comments about:
ACADEMY VOTER ASKS NOTED IDIOT FOR ADVICE
The oak tree in Pete Hammond’s front yard has a heart scratched into it and reads: “P.H. + R.M.S. = 4 EVER”
‘The Proposal’ was riotously funny. After I saw it, I locked the doors of the theater and set fire to it. I laughed my ass off about that.
Attica was also riotously funny.
Passion Of The Christ was righteously funny.
I would vote for “Bronson” for best picture if THAT one was the riff on African-American hairstyles.
My One and Only: Acronyms to “MOO”; ’nuff said.
I think I’ve seen a violent prison drama with a guy whose alter-ego was the actor Bronson Pinchot. It wasn’t a movie though.
Aren’t you supposed to riot at things that make you angry instead of things that make you laugh? Our country really has lost its moral compass
Retard Pig must choose between Katherine Heigl and Kate Hudson for his next film-going experience, but he’s secretly hoping for a Kate Gosselin starrer.
Jesus, what does a guy have to do to lose credibility these days?
You can either deny the holocaust or appear on Oprah Winfrey’s show.
Bonus points if you do both.
I’ve seen Astro Boy. Most people didn’t realize that its ‘R’ rating was solely assigned because every word spoken began with that letter.
Confessions of a Shopaholic - Hilarious! Confessions is a nonstop laughing spree.
Haha, you get it? Cause its about a woman who shops! Hahahahaha *sighs* But seriously, somebody please murder Hammond in his sleep.
I’d rather call Reggie Hammond for advice on movies than Pete Hammond. Thats right. I’d rather call the fictional character Eddie Murphy plays in 48 Hours and Another 48 Hours than Pete Hammond.
Cirque du Freak and the new Twilight movie should go head to head in a new category for “Fruitiest Vampire Movie” of 2009.
@Jirish
The only thing fruitier than those two vamp movies was an episode of Sesame Street where The Count was calculating the number of peaches in his backyard.
They really should make a film about The Count going around and killing all the homeless people on Sesame Street for food when he’s not teaching kids basic arithmetic.
Wait a fuck, is that the same pig that liked my Roman Polanski ass-raping joke from last week?
Damnit, Retard Pig. You two-timing whore.
God she is fucking sexy!
Retard pig of course.
In related news, the National Education Association has called in Roman Polanski to help pick junior high teachers.
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