10.08.09 A VENOM MOVIE, ARE YOU EXCITED?
The word around the campfire today is that Sony is developing a Venom movie as a Spider-Man 3 spinoff. Venom, who was played by Topher Grace and was such an interesting part of Spider-Man 3 that I didn’t even remember it, actually died in the movie. But that hardly matters. As Rob Lowe’s character says in Thank You for Smoking, “So what? That’s one line of dialog. ‘Thank god we invented the… you know, whatever device.’”
Gary Ross [Pleasantville, Seabiscuit] is writing “Venom” as a potential directing vehicle. Ross is already writing “Spider-Man 4” for the studio. In the comics, Venom is a gooey alien parasite that bonds with Peter Parker and later his newsroom rival, among other people, becoming one of more popular villains in “Spider-Man’s” rogue gallery. Topher Grace portrayed the character in the 2007 movie, which ended with both the human and the alien symbiote apparently destroyed in an explosion. [Variety]
So… am I supposed to be more or less excited about this than about Spider-Man 4? Because I gotta tell you, I’m feelin pretty shrugswardly about both of them. And I should be the target audience. I’m not even the kind of guy who (*air quotes*) had sex with (*air quotes*) girls in (*air quotes*) high school.
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There are 32 comments about:
A VENOM MOVIE, ARE YOU EXCITED?
Whoa. There was a Spider-Man 3? And it had that sickly kid from Ocean’s 11 in it? Fuuuck me.
I’d rather suck the venom out of Burnsy’s snake-bitten dick.
Hmm. Seems like Topher is attracted to prime-numbered bit parts. Let’s see, if my calculations are correct, and I think they are, that means…
*whips out abacus*
Oooohhh! Lookit the pretty slidey beads!
*laughs, claps hands*
Venom is just an allegory for steroid use, right?
The thought of Tobey and Topher being in the same room together is why NPH was such a strong Prop 8 supporter.
Venom is just an allegory for interracial dating, right?
I’d rather go find myself a venomous snake right now.
FACT: Vince once used his thumbs for air quotes. The people of New Orleans are still living in trailers.
I see a different allegory:
Eddie Brock is like conservative America and Spider-Man is like Obama. Then Venom, aka Glenn Beck, comes along and makes Brock feel better about himself, tells him things about Ospidey, fills his head with lies, and amplifies his anger to murderous rage. Then Venom decides to lash out by making a cardboard tri-corner hat and stuffing his white sweatpants into his rain boots too look like a colonial, holding up a sign that says “Reed The Constatution You Moran” while tossing teabags at people.
So Obama hates his job and secretly wants to fuck a white woman?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Fuck me, while making fun of other people’s spelling i made a typo….WAH WAH
Speaking of Mary Jane, I think she fits into your allegory as the liberals. She doesn’t want anything to do with all of this hard and icky stuff, she just wants somebody to do all the work for her and reap the benefits.
You misspelled “rape” Donk.
But are you the kind of guy who (*air quotes*) jerked off into (*air quotes*) crusty gym socks in (*air quotes*) your neighbor’s basement?
I think we all know the answer already. .
I love you, MiZ
See you at the rall….errr….study session tonight?
I might be there, but I’m still pissed you and the others weren’t at lunch today. Some of the more gullible students of Brown Elementary are pissed as well.
Emo Spiderman’s superhero weakness is a razor blade and a warm bath.
Fuck venom i wanna see a carnage movie!
Fuck venom i wanna see a
carnunderage movie!Phicksed.
Is it a bad thing that I just watched that gif for longer than I stared at the Olivia Munn giggle?
Twilight Tobey’s gif sparkles.
FUCK VENOM AND CARNAGE. I WANNA SEE A SPIDERMAN MOVIE THAT DOESN’T SUCK DICKS!
YOU LISTENING, CRACKERDICK? SPIDERMAN SUCKS!
I’m pretty sure that Bel Biv Devoe wouldn’t trust this movie.
Emo Spider-Man shoots his web wrists down so no one will see his cuts.
I was gonna make fun of Tobey’s emo collar, but I have heard that Lance Bass is an asshole when it comes to hickeys.
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