(Ask Matt to do his hilarious Jackie Chan impression.  On second thought, don’t.)

Opening this weekend:

The Informant!
I like Matt Damon and Steven Soderbergh and this looks pretty good, but I refuse to see it until they stop shouting the title at me.  I’m not deaf, butthole.

Jennifer’s Body
Is this the one with Megan Fox in it?  I hadn’t heard. …MEGAN FOX TOPLESS BUTTSEX GOOGLE UPSKIRT PICS!!

Love Happens
Love happens, sh’t happens, Jennifer Aniston happens, paint dries, death, taxes, women be shoppin’.  What were we talking about again?

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Nothing against kid movies — hell, sometimes they’re good.  But this one seems… uninspired.  But the critics seem to like it.  My favorite was this guy, who writes, “Meatballs, steaks, spaghetti, ice cream and candy are falling from the sky. You just described my version of heaven!”  Ahh, fat people.  Don’t ever stop being the butt of jokes.