WHAT *ISN’T* RIDLEY SCOTT DIRECTING
09.16.09(Aw, crap, more vampires?)
In case you haven’t been around lately, Ridley Scott has been attached to Brave New World, an Alien prequel, a Monopoly movie, Nottingham, and probably a couple of other projects I can’t remember. “Ridley Scott” is the hardest-working name drop in showbiz journalism. Anyway, he’s mentioned again today for yet another project. Yadda yadda yadda death-row vampires.
[Gladiator co-writer] John Logan has been set by Fox 2000 to adapt “The Passage,” the Jordan Ainsley vampire novel being developed for Ridley Scott to potentially direct.
In the novel, terminally ill patients become healthy after they are bitten by bats in South America, and the government conducts secret tests on human subjects to see if the virus can cure illness. The result is an apocalyptic unleashing of bloodthirsty vampire test subjects that include death row inmates.
Ainsley — pseudonym for PEN Hemingway Award-winning author Justin Cronin — sold the book based on the first 400 pages and an outline, but the film adaptation awaited his completion of the book, which is nearly 1,200 pages. [Variety]
1,200 pages, huh? That’s impressive, because I can barely manage a couple sentences about this. Really, who gives a sh’t.

Asshole 1: Hey, you got vampires in my zombie plot!
Asshole 2: Hey, you got zombies in my vampire plot!
Another vampire movie? FML.
1200 pages? That’s like 1200 pages longer than my book.
Ainsley – pseudonym for David Foster Wallace’s corpse.
That’s a shitty pseudonym. There’s no A, E, Y, or L in Justin Cronin.
The government’s up to their “conducting of secret tests on human subjects” shenanigans again. Anyone would think they didn’t have our best interests at heart.
And just like Gladiator this movie will have a lot of dudes crossing swords.
See, they aren’t Death Panels, they’re UnDeath Panels.
Who wants to bet that his kids’ names are Jordan and Ainsley?
I think it would be awesomely literal, if in this movie, a vampire sucks an ass.
Meanwhile, on the river Styx witness death row vampires straight into helllllll…
The Mighty Feklahr has recently learned that Jenny McCarthy and her son have booked a private jet to South America!
To answer your first question, Mother Russia. Because Mother Russia direc-
*Blood pours from face after being hit with Liberace’s candelabra*
Vampire post = Crappy leaving to drop a duece.
Thanx DNA!
I knew a South American vampire once. He killed Juan Valdez and was up for three straight days.
South American Vampire: I just ate a Brazilian.
Jessica Simpson: Wow, you’re going to get fat!
Vampire: Why is that?
Jessica Simpson: I don’t know how many is in a brazillion, but it sounds like a lot and that can’t be good for you.
You are four times more likely to be bitten by a South American tranny than a South American bat. But that’s probably more of a mid-life crisis Ken Burns project.
Death row vampires don’t make holes in your neck with their teeth, but rather with their sharpened toothbrushes.
*Sick vampire throws up. In the mess there is a feather boa, a carnivale mask, and two sparkly belt buckles*
Dude, what did you do last night?
I don’t know, but I must have eaten a Paraguays.
Wait a minute, isn’t this coming out in a couple months with Dafoe playing a dude named Elvis?
Ey mang, es that a fang?
So, it’s bats that you have to watch out for in South America? I always thought it was the guerrillas.
Wait a minute, isn’t this coming out in a couple months with Dafoe playing a dude named Elvis?
Stefano Dimera and Susan’s baby???
Let me just do a little disclaimer on that last post. There was a period of time where I was at home extensively on disability shortly after college, and my stepmother watched “Days of Our Lives” DAILY.
Sure, Fek, sure.
Just like sand through the hourglass…I don’t believe you!!!
So it’s a prequel for Daybreakers *facepalm*