09.09.09 R.I.P. JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME
This doesn’t seem like it could possibly be true, but the source looks legit as far as I can tell. They say Jean-Claude Van Damme has agreed to fight a K-1 muay thai match next March against ‘96 Olympic gold medalist Somluck Kamsing.
This rumor was recently confirmed by Kamsing, who signed the contract for the fight on Sept. 4. The bout will take place in Las Vegas and will consist of five two-minute rounds, said Kamsing.
Van Damme has requested to bar the use of elbows during the fight because he is an actor and does not want his face to get cut or bruised, Kamsing told Siamsport. Kamsing is a Thai boxer who won the featherweight gold medal at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. [via FiveKnuckles]
My sources tell me Van Damme took the bout as part of his goal to become the answer to R. Lee Ermey’s Jeopardy question from Full Metal Jacket, “Who’s the twinkle-toed c’cksucker that just signed his own death warrant?” Now, you may point out that Somluck Kamsing is 5′ 7″, and last competed at 126 pounds. I might point out that Somluck Kamsing is a professional Thai boxer who makes a living beating up other professional Thai boxers, while Van Damme is a 48-year-old Belgian actor who knows karate. (And is between 5′ 8” and 5′ 10″, depending on who you ask.) If he’s really worried about his face getting bruised, he should probably switch this match to a tickle fight against Danny Bonaduce in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. But watch out, because gingers bite.
[thanks to wwbd for the tip]
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/02/Ong-Bak3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/christmascarol-nutcracker-150x150.jpg)
There are 32 comments about:
R.I.P. JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME
Did JCVD stop to consider that a messed up face might actually make him MORE marketable?
Kahless knows He laughs His ass off every time He sees a beat up homo!I’d buy a ticket just to watch these two compete in a match wherein they have to shout the correct pronounciation of the other’s name.
In that banner pic, JCVD looks like he just got held down and made over by Tim Gunn.
A lavender tweed jacket and a Howdy Doody comb over is the look for the man who knows what he wants and when he wants it. And by “it” I mean penis.
Hey Yang, did you audition the wedding singer you wife hired.
No! No time! Wiff Somluck Kansing!
Banner Pic:
Van Damme now a days is dressing more like a Van Dike.
He’d have better luck against a MMA-Wolf.
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2009/09/donk-winsagain.html
Only 5 rounds? I hope it doesn’t result in a thai.
JCVD couldn’t beat up an Asian stoner named “Bong Li”.
JCVD couldn’t hang with a Thai even if he was David Carradine’s choke-bate spotter.
JCVD couldn’t beat up a Thai lady-boy even if he paid the lady-boy to get beat up and then blow him.
As is turns out, Jean-Claude was duped into the whole thing, being manipulated for his poor understanding of the English language, he thought he was only agreeing to “Kick-It with a Thai dude”.
Muay thai is spanish for what happened to David Carradine.
This post is missing the Van Damme dancing gif.
JCVD couldn’t box Thai food.
I think that guy already hit Van Damme, his forehead is swelling up.
I’ve stood next to that dick, and if he’s 5′8″ then I’m 5′10″*
*I am not
If JCVD were one of the Inglourious Basterds, his name would have been Franz Massengil.
Is it just me or does JCVD in that banner pic look like Mr. Rogers after the mailman Mr. McFeely called him a “puppet-fucking faggot”?
“I’d buy a ticket just to watch these two compete in a match wherein they have to shout the correct pronounciation of the other’s name.”
Donk, that’s the best thing I’ve read all day. Wow.
After JCVD is embarrassed in the states due to the fight… he’ll be “The Muscles in Brussels that Seldom Leaves Belgium”
I’m calling this… Van Damme wins. Herpes not transmitted.
The banner pic looks like Van Damme doing his best Kevin Spacey impression.
Thanks, swanq.
[eyes roll back in head, channels spirit of Guy Who Says New Up!]
New Up!
Muay Thai without elbows is like domestic violence without black eyes. Bo-ring!
This fight is actually a diabolical plan of revenge against JCVD. Somluck Kamsing will pull off his mask to reveal himself as Tong Po.
What a bunch of typical ass punk losers, hiding behind their computer insulting people who have done something for themselves while you jerked off to your anime porn. Bunch of disrespectful, go nowhere worthless pukes. I can’t wait for the day when you end up on the wrong side of a gun, or just getting your asses severely beat.
I usually wait until after I’m done jerking off to my anime porn before I start hiding behind me computer insulting people who have done something for themselves. Doing those things at the same time is murder on the wrists.
I’m hardly typical.
I’m hard, as typical.
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