09.29.09 ROMANIAN MOVIES SOUND THRILLING
Last year I ripped the critically-acclaimed Romanian film 4 Months, etc for leaving in copious amounts of tedious shots where nothing much happens, as if that makes something arty. ThePlaylist recently reviewed another another award-winning Romanian film, Police, Adjective (kind of an awesome title), and it too sounds delightfully excruciating.
It turns out that it’s the most boring f-cking movie that’s ever been filmed. Ever.
Let’s rundown the movie’s “plot:” a Romanian cop is tasked with tracking a teenage pot smoker, an offense that could send the kid to jail for the better part of a decade. The cop wrestles with the morality of this assignment and, in one of the more painful sequences, we watch him eat soup for a good 10 minutes. (Painful because the soup doesn’t look very yummy [this is my new favorite line of a review -ed.] and every slurp is given the deafening, digital sound treatment of a stampeding “Jurassic Park” dinosaur.)
We watch as the cop follows the kid, for chunks of at least 20 minutes. We watch him dodge meetings with his superior. We watch him eat soup. We watch him follow the kid for another 20 minutes. And the only interjection is a couple of scenes where we get to read his police reports. No voice over, nothing. We see something happen for a long ass amount of time, then we read a description of what just happened. It’s not interesting, it’s not arty, it’s head-up-your-ass pretentious, and it’ll make you want to claw your eyes/hair out, while others around you force strained laughter. (Yes, this is supposed to be a comedy.)
The “climax” of the movie involves the cop finally having a sit-down with the superior he’s been avoiding for the whole movie. The superior makes the cop read definitions from a dictionary. THAT IS LITERALLY IT. [ThePlaylist]
Watching someone eat with the sounds of their chewing amplified is my definition of hell. Which is why I can’t watch Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern – (stop talking with your mouth full, you fat, disgusting f’ck). But Romanian movies are awesome. I wish Kevin James’ next movie, The Zookeeper was Romanian. Instead of learning dating tips from the zoo animals, he would just look at pictures of them in Zoobooks while eating a loaf of bread and staring out the window. The window is a metaphor for his yearning, you see.
There are 28 comments about:
ROMANIAN MOVIES SOUND THRILLING
Sounds awful. I miss Zoobooks.
*sigh
Romanian movies are Mmm Mmm crap.
Zoobooks! Can I still get those for my kids?
If Romanian movies are anything like the Romanian roommate I had my Freshman year, they’ll be all back hair and seven types of cologne over the course of the day
Still less disgusting than 10 minutes of eating soup
Where the Fek is Teh Mighty One this morning? I sent him an epic lolcage pic yesterday and it must go up on the FFDS page.
Kevin James should learn his dating tips from the pandas.
This just in – Romanians are serious about soup and sentence diagramming.
I’ve got something that they could film for 10 minutes that is wayyyy more soul crushing. It involves myself, tears, masturbation, and a soundtrack provided by Air Supply.
This doesn’t sound a whole lot worse than fat suits and people getting hit in the balls.
Jirish is all out of love, hes so lost without you, he’s beating his meat, he’s beating it so hard
Bite your tongue, you craw-dad eating baktag!
stop talking with your mouth full, you fat, disgusting f’ck
Roger-roger, boss!
All back hair and multiple colognes Rock? And here Hostel led me to believe that Eastern European chicks were super hot. *
* and will murder you for $20 . . . which is still kinda hot
Gimme mah Lolcage you damn dirty Klingon!
Erswi, I wish it were true, but I’ve lived with both a Romanian and a Serbian*, and its just not so. Next time I’ll go Czech or Russian… I hear the results are better
*Yes, my life is Perfect Strangers
Rock, I tried singing that on my ex-gf’s answering machine. Did you know the police don’t have a sense of humor?
Awe. Some.
If I beat my child with a Zoobook, does that cancel out the brain damage?
Romanian Polanski films shows a guy slurping down gin noisily for half an hour before he drugs and rapes a minor!
Even The Count said this movie sucked. Dracula. Not the one from Sesame Street. Ten. Ten minutes of soup sucking. Ah ah ah ah *thunder in background*
I thought Romania broke up into ethnic enclaves in the 90’s or some shit.
“In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as “the comedian.” You may eat a lot of soup, Mr. Police Adjective, but you are no comedian.”
Somewhere, Andy Warhol is making silkscreens of this movie.
What a coincidence.
I went to a Romanian festival last weekend to try out the food and it made my daughter and I both ill. Apparently, I should have tried the soup. Still worth the trip for getting to see the dudes with the funny hats that look like they have a fishing bobber on a string hanging from it.
Donovan McNabb’s mom encourages you to see this movie.
How much of a wannabe do you have to be to fail at making an artsy film? The first thing they teach you in art school is that art is bullshit.
the trailer for this movie has a violin-scratch
Police, Adjective was adapted from the book “When Paint Dries.”
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